I wish I could say how great I am doing tonight...But...I can't...<P>I am truly hurting...<P>First on my mind is how I am financialy screwed...I have this big-[censored] house we bought 3 weeks before her sorry [censored] left for the 17 YO LRB...I should have sold it last year right when we split but my self-centered ego wouldn't let me...It is all not can do not to wag my finger at her and say you *****...You have ruined my credit for freaking ever!!! However, I have to own my share of the responcibility in mismanaging my meager funds...Now I am faced with the bank taking it if someone doesn't buy this thing and soon...I was getting ready to sign papers in regards to it but today the people backed out...My head went into an uproar...Now I'm back to where I was 2 weeks ago...But that lingering thought of how I can blame the ex for me loosing my shirt comes to mind...<P>Second is over this whole freaking dating thing...EGADS...It is always my luck that I am attracted to women that are either more screwed up than I am or are unavaiable...I sometimes wish I were a player and could just spread pollen without caring about anything...However I ain't got that in my makeup...Everyone tells me what a great guy I am and how lucky some lady will be...ect...ad nausium...The reality is nice guys finish last and home alone!! But I will continue being the chicken **** nice guy and continue to pay the tab of not being able to share that I like someone to them...I guess I still ain't ready...Go Figure...<P>Most days I'm really ok with who and what and how I am...today ain't one of them...I hope this crap passes quickly, I don't want to get depressed again...That really sucked...<P>Oh, I almost forgot...These things combined have drug up all those feeling I had when the ex booked...The rejection, the hopelessness and despair...I have had serious thoughts of going out and numbing the pain by coping some dope and getting FUBAR...But I do know where that will lead me...I guess I need to pick up the phone and call someone...<P>Thanks All, <P>Bill

You gotta sponsor? Sounds like time for a good sponsor spankin! <P>I got mine last Friday...time for yours!!<P>(((((hugs))))<P>PS. Taking responsibility for our own crappy decisions really really sucks!<P>------------------<BR><I>Pain is a given, misery is optional.</I>

Hey Bill!<P>Why didn't you tell me you were feeling so bad? You know how to get ahold of me! I can be a good listener too, ya know?! <P>If you need or want to talk, I'm right here! <P>(((((HUGS)))))<BR>Mitzi

Bramble...<BR>I couldn't get ahold of my sponsor so I called another guy in my network and he cheered me up...But my sponsor will get an earful tomorrow <P>Mitzi...<BR>Thanks...in fact I'm talking to you as i type this LOL LOL

Bill,<P>Sorry to hear things are so bad.<BR>You've been so positive most of the time it comes as such a shock to see you down in the dumps. <P>God Bless<P>You'll be in my prayers<P><P>------------------<BR>Love and Prayers<BR>Nicole

Nicole...<P>Sometimes we need to get th junk out of us in order to take a look at it...I am much better now se I'm smiling <P>Thanks,<P>Bill

Hey there old friend. Believe me, I feel for you right now. I know that you will work through any of the problems that life throws at you. You are a strong person. Take it one day at a time, the days will turn into weeks, the weeks into months and the months into years. And one day you will look back upon this as a distant memory and it won't seem nearly as bad as it does right now.<P>As you said, sometimes you just need to get it all out of you. That's a good thing. Don't bottle it up and keep it inside of you. But then again, that is a do as I say, don't do as I do kind of thing. <P>As you already know, I am here for you. You know how to reach me should you so need.<P>Take care!<P>~Java

Bill, <P>This too shall pass my friend. You have friends, you have people that care about you, you have a phone and the Internet available to you at all times. Don't be afraid to ask those who care about you for some help.<P>Turning to either dope or the bottle is never the answer either. Sure it may help on the surface, but that's only temporary. Going out and getting FUBAR'd will not lead you anywhere good, but I think you know that, otherwise you would not have posted.<P>You are a strong person Bill and you will overcome this. Don't forget that we are always here for you.<BR>

Hi Bill,<P>I was getting ready to e you to see how the sale was going. I'm so sorry to hear it's fallen through.<P>You're right about everything - how hard it is to accept responsibility for our choices, how easy it would be to hit the bottle, how easy it would be to blame everyone else.<P>But we know better don't we? If there's one thing that we have all learnt by being here, it's how to look at ourselves and take responsibility for where we are, and more importantly, WHO we are. And that is worth more than all the spondulies in the bank....... (yep, aussie for $$$$)<P>And you my friend are one of the finest people I know. You're not chickensh**t, you're not a loser, and I would say you are anything BUT self-centred.<P>I can use my imagination for the FUBAR bit, but what exactly is it?????????<P>You've got my email address, don't ever think you're alone in this. You're not. You have so many people who you have lifted up, now it's our turn to be there for you. And we all are. We love you so much Bill, never forget that.<P>I'll check back later<P>love and hugs<P>Jo<P>

Hey, G--<P>the only thing you had better be putting up your nose is . . .well, uh, okay. . .nothin. . .I hope. (Did I ever tell you about the time when I was three years old and I decided to put a large blueberry up my nose? Picked it right off the bush and shoved it up there. It took about 5 ER technicians to hold me down and tweeze them out.)<P>Repeat after me, Hoss:<P>I AM THE MAN!!!<P>(Well, OK, I'm not, you are.)<P>Chin up, G. We love ya<P><BR>

Hey Dude,<P>I think you still have my number. Don't be afraid to use it. <P>Sure drugs and alcohol numb the pain, but in the morning you are sober and the difficulties remain.<P>What you are experiencing is just a speed bump in life. So, slow down a bit. It does get better. I see it as, there are no problems, only solutions waiting to be found.<P>Don't give up, never surrender!!!<P>The Village Idiot.

Bill,<P>HUGS!!!!!!<P>Hang in there, friend. Remember, life wasd throwing us all curve balls BEFORE the affair/divorce. This is just a big, bad time, and you WILL weather this storm.<P>To me, it is more important to have a good moral framework, be secure in being a "good" guy, and being able to resist the temptation of drugs than having a load of money in the bank and a great big house.<P>You can eventually dig yourself out of the financial mess. Hang in there. These are all just more curves in the road. <P>Praying for you!!!!!<P>Desiree<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by bonnet:<BR><B>I can use my imagination for the FUBAR bit, but what exactly is it?????????</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Pardon me for jumping in with inconsequential information, but that's my nature. FUBAR= Fouled (or you know what) Up Beyond All Recognition.<P><BR>

Hey Bill, about your house for a sec....Are you listed as a FSBO or are you listed with an agent? If you are listed with an agent, you may want to consider a new one who may be more 'hungry' to get your home sold. There are all kinds of agents out there and some are much better than others. I don't know the market you are in, but around here, if a good home stays listed and available for more than a few days, there is a problem. It's either listed too high or the agent isn't attracting the right kind of buyers. Either way, those are factors that you can change.<P>If you are doing the For Sale By Owner gig, then you may need an agent come crunch time! Beware of the buyers out there who prey on recent divorcees who are needed to get out of their homes in a hurry. They do exist and they aren't always so nice.<P>Good luck Buddy!

Bill....wow, you were having a bad day. I haven't posted on this forum in a very long time...partially because I was too busy with the divorce stuff.<P>I know how difficult it is to go from having a comfortable way of life to being broke with debt up to your neck. My ex emptied our bank accounts before we even separated. I have been raising two boys on next to nothing for over a year. My legal bills are staggering and in the midst of all this mess...my lawyer quit. I still don't have a settlement...I still don't get child support and I owe my attorney over $12K still. For what? <P>There are a lot of not nice people out there. Nice guys are fine...I decided to take a new approach and only date nice men...so I met a conservative man...divorced for the proper amount of time...was an Eagle Scout...the personification of gentleman. Well...quess again. We dated a month and then with no warning he disappeared without a trace...his cell phone number is no longer valid...he doesn't answer emails...and his phone has been changed. Going through the divorce was bad...but this post divorce transition really sucks. Dating is the pitts. Some days I just laugh...what else can you do?<P>Try to cheer up. There are days when it is so very hard to keep your sense of humor...but you must. Better days will come....get rid of the house...and move where you will start your own memories.<P>

Hey Bill,<P>One quick thought: Have you figured out yet that whenever something bad happens in your life, no matter what part of it, all the feelings about your wife come back to the surface?<P>That took me quite a few months to figure out. Whenever work or finances or my health or anything went down the *hitter, up came all those feelings of hurt, pain and longing... But as soon as I realized what was happening I was able to control them. Whatever was suffering in my life I still had to deal with, but just the realization alone that I did not all of the sudden begin missing my wife, helped me quash the feelings when they started to add to my troubles.<P>I still miss my wife, but its when everything else is going OK that I allow myself to deal with missing her (and the anger and pain and sadness) - but if it is due to something else going wrong in my life, I focus on the problem and working out a solution and put my "xwife feelings" on the back burner. Amazingly, once the problem is solved, the sad feelings are no longer around....<P>Just a thought...<P>Mike<P>------------------<BR>God always waits for the right time to do the right thing in the right way.

((((((((((((Bill))))))))))))<P>I'm so sorry to hear that you are in so much pain.<P>I know the stress of the financial stuff. I'm in the serious job hunt mode right now and feeling pretty paniced myself. Four months till finances shut down unless another job appears. And I'm working hard, or at least I think I am. <P>I don't know where you stand on the issue, but I'm really trying to dust off my prayer life. God listens. And sometimes it gives me great clarity and peace. Even when the miracle I want doesn't happen, an answer does come. But I still have to do legwork. Usually.<P>If I thought it would help and knew where to send it, I could send you some of my drug of choice - chocolate. <P>I agree with Shawn on the house.<P>And I'm glad you got in touch with someone in your group. I imagine that was a big help. I know when I was in my 12-step era, it really helped. <P>And on the dating issue, I know what you mean. I live in a city with a statistical population of 1.2 million and doofus left 6 yrs. and 2 days ago. Do you know how many local guys I've gone out with? 1! But that's ok. Maybe I'm not yet who I need to be. But then, there is the main squeeze. Too bad he's so far away. <P>Maybe that's part of the dating issue. Maybe there are some issues you have to deal with before you will be ready. Maybe the financial one is part of it. Maybe the left-over stuff from the divorce is part of it.<P>Do you have a counselor? I know I felt the need, a few months ago, for a new one - basically to deal with a certain issue - and now I really look forward to going. Although some days are way more productive than others. Strange thing is happening. I'm finding lots of father issues to deal with - and that didn't even start out being something I really felt the need to deal with.<P>Sorry for the personal ramblings. But, I do know that, if you keep working on Bill and making good choices, you'll be ok. Just don't despair. Let us know when you need us. <P>One more hug:<BR>((((((((((((((((((((((((WilliamJ)))))))))))))))))))))))))))<P>And you may still have my number. If so, call when the need arises.<P><BR>

Well, I'm glad that you are now feeling better. And, I hope that your house sells very soon.<P>I will keep you in my prayers as well.<P>Take care,<BR>Jen