I am the unfaithful wife:<P>How this all started, I don't really even know if it matters. I felt unloved and lonely. Like my husband didn't care. We chose to be seperated, but if one or the other had a problem with it we would stop whomever we were seeing. I told him. And kept seeing the OM. Why, Hell I have no idea. There are so many thing that have happened its pathetic. I'll try and keep this short. Pride, stubborness and selfishness caused all of this. He tried desperately to fix things when the stubborness and pride comes in. He says hateful nasty things to me, I understand why. He confuses me. he has told me that its easier not to see me. He lives in Cali and I am in Ok. We have a son together who is almost 2. He says that its over and he wants nothing to do with me other than our son. But here is the thing. I just don't believe him. Maybe its wishful thinking on my part. Everytime we see each other we are intimate.I can tell by looking at him how he really feels. I think ya'll know what I am talking about. That look a person gives you. There are sometimes when we talk that he shows more emotion. I think he gets mad at himself for that.Or just little things he does. This is why I feel I can't give up and I don't know what to do. If I really thought that he didn't still love me I wouldn't be trying. I know that he is angry and hurt and is angry that he even cares. Where do I go from here? Do I give up? Or do I do what my heart and gut is telling me and trying to fix even though he says otherwise? PLEASE PLEASE HELP ME<P><BR><P>------------------<BR>*THE ONE*

You never said, are you still with the OM? Have you broken All contact with OM if not?<P>What is the time frame on this...when did A start, how long did it last, when did you tell H?<P>Sorry, not being nosey, it's just that knowing the time things may help us give you some more help.<P>I am glad you want reconciliation...means you're out of the fog. Lots of work, but it can be done. Hang in there.

No don't talk to OM. Off and on for about 6 mos. H and I had agreed to be Sep at first of year....met OM at end of Feb....things went on and off from there. How could I have been so stupid to think that the grass was greener on the other side and give up and now look at what I have done...I never stopped loving him and I knew that but still don't know why I continued with OM.<P>------------------<BR>*THE ONE*

Very slow service for us all today. Hang in there!

I’m beginning to feel like you H. For I am a BS. I tried and tried again but my wife just didn’t see it. She’s been gone for 3 months now. While she was gone, I sent her an email each day that said something thoughtful so she would know I think/care about her. I would write to her 3-5 times a week and leave the note on her car or slip it under the door of her apartment. Once a week I would give her flowers or do something extra special. Initially she would respond to these things but she hasn’t in a very long time. Today I sent her some flowers but I think that is the last thing I’m going to do for a while. I’m tired, so very tired. <P>I still want my wife back more than anything in the world but I don’t know how I’ll feel next week, next month, or next year. I worked so hard at tying to show her how I feel and soon I will give up. Not because that’s what I want but because there will be nothing left. I wish my wife would come across this thread. Maybe then she would realize that this is a mistake. Something that she’ll regret for a very long time.<P>I think this is how your husband feels, exhausted. This is just one man’s opinion and I know it’s not what you wanted to hear. This site is designed for support so I’ll offer you a bit of hope. I know in my heart that I’ll always love my wife, as your husband will always love you. You need to tell him to look back when he was trying to work things out. Make him remember how much he wanted you to know how badly he loved you. How he would have done anything to make you see what he saw. Let him know that’s how you feel now. Tell him how much he means to you and ask him not to let go out of spite. Ask him to look deep inside his soul to see if this is something he would regret. I’m not at that point yet but I think these are things I would want to hear.<P>Good Luck<BR>

Dear weakmale,<P>Thank you so much for your reply. I don't know what caused your W to do what she did. Maybe for the same reasons as I. Who knows. I know that I thought that all the things that bugged me about my H were major. When really they weren't. I know that he worked all the time b/c he cared and loved us so much. Not that he didn't care. But when things start going wrong the "TAKER" comes out in us which is so true. We both took and took and took that we couldn't see straight. Myself mainly. I didn't see what he was trying to do. I was stuck in a situaion where I could not leave the OM when I wanted to. I had no where else to go. I have wanted to tell him all of this many months ago and couldn't. I didn't even want to file for divorce that day. i cried and cried and cried that day. I emailed him just now. Basically begging. I am desperate. I hope that he will just give me the chance I ask for. Just to show him. Nothing else, just the chance and the open mindedness of letting me show him. He is hurt and angry beyond belief and that is directly the result of my actions. He wants to know why? I don't know why. What do I tell him? How do I plan A or B when we live 2000 miles from each other. The longer we are away from each other I think he thinks the easier it is. Whenever we have seen each other. Its totally different. He told me this last time that we saw each other that the attraction was there. I told him that it was more than an attraction. He ask what I meant and I explained to him. You can be attracted to another person but its not the same. I gave him this co-worker that liked him as an example. Then I said you are attracted to this person but is it the same. He said no. I ask if he wanted me to tell him why it was not. I told him it wasn't the same b/c he didn't love her. This is what makes me not believe him when he says no. I know my H like the back of my hand. I know how he is when he is mad and hurt and angry. Thats why I can't give up. I just don't know what to do. Besides wear my knees out by praying. I sent him an email a few days after the tragedy's. He didn't respond by email but he did say that it was nice and that he like it and sent me a rose on my messenger. Just that little gesture those are the things he does. he was drunk when he said that too. I know that in my past I am more uh open and truthful when I am. He also lives with a person or persons that tell him. Aww screw her. Things of that sort. My H hardly drinks. Especially beer. he doesn't like that. thats what he drank the other night w/ his roomy. He is doing things that are outa his character. The point is I just don't know what to do. Its hard from the distance and I think that it may make it worse. I just don't know anymore.<P>------------------<BR>*THE ONE*

If your marriage is important to you move to where your husband is living. Show by your actions that you are remorseful and want to stay married to him. Good luck.

You asked, “what should I tell him”. Tell him the truth. Tell him that you were selfish and deeply regret it. He is hurting right not. Hurting in the same way I am. Your story scares me. I fell like I’m drifting to the same place your H is and I don’t want to be there. Max makes a good point. If you truly want him, move closer. So he can see the commitment you’re prepared to make. Keep trying and don’t give up hope yet.

No, I told him the truth. I just added the aspects that you had mentioned. I thought he might not talk to me afterwards. He usually doesn't for a couple days. He left me a message wanting to know if I was still up. So that surprised me. It would be hard to move back there me living by myself. It is extremely expensive there. Or believe me I would. If nothing else make things easier on our son. My sister is out there but she is moving back here. I was going to go and stay with her. I wish that there were some way to. Then we could go to counseling together. Maybe your wife *weakmale* is confused as I was. I don't know the particulars on your story. I know how very confused I was and angry (before anything happened) and there for I acted before I thought. The grass always seems greener on the other side. When in reality its all dried up and was just spray painted green. Does your wife post here? Do you have children yourself Sir?<P>------------------<BR>*THE ONE*

No, my wife doesn’t post here but I wish she did. I wish she would read your thread and maybe that would help her find what’s she’s looking for. We don’t have any kids but we lost one about 2 weeks before she left. She didn’t tell me. I didn’t even know she was pregnant until after she left. I found some parenting stuff, you know the kind they give to new moms, in the trash and confronted her about it. I was so sad to hear of the loss but there was nothing I could do. I suspect my wife left me for the same reasons you left you H.

Then that means that she does love you. When you are pregnant you get hormonally out of balance.I know I was severely. Maybe you should send this to her or ask her. I would be interested in talking with her. Maybe she needs some support as well and doesn't know how to get it. There is hope don't give up whatever you do. I dunno maybe I can be of some help. Might as well try anyway. GB

Hi there,<P>Just a thought, and I know HE says it is over between you...but do you think you could summon the courage to ask him for an in-house spearation thing, so you could be there for your son (and him) and Plan A him as much as you can?<P>Or don't you have some friends you could ask to put you up in his town? There has to be SOME way you can get back there if you really want to. You made a mistake, and he has to have his time to realise this...but anyway, just trying to help.

He has a very unsupportive bachelor, drinkin all the time roommate. So I dunno. I have thought about it. He said that his roomy was supposed to move out. He is still there though. So I have thought about telling him that I want to, he knows that I wouldn't be able to do it on my own there. Either you work at the mill or the 2 prisons. Not many jobs in betweeen. Sooooo, I would definately if I knew his roomy was leaving. I don't think he will for awhile cause my son came back here. That was a big problem for his [censored] roommate. He didn't want a kid around so I think my H told him to deal with it. I think he wants his roomy to go b/c my H is really laid back and loves his computer not all the bachelor mumbo jumbo that him and his buddies do. He has mentioned a few times that he hopes he does b/c of all the ppl that are in and outa there. They encourage him to leave me alone and try and set him up. He tells me this, and says that he has no interest in that. I am also afraid to ask him. I dunno why I just am. But maybe I will. After I hear his reaction from my last email. <P>------------------<BR>*THE ONE*

The in house separation suggestion from Nina Too is a good idea but my W didn’t go for it. But you should give it a try, you never know. Then if he lets you, it will be much easier for you to let him know how much you care for him and show him what you have to offer. As far as sending this to my W, I’m a little apprehensive. I think that would only upset her more.

Have ya'll discussed counseling or anything like that? I am trying to get some idea of why she would be doing this. How old is she? Were things really bad before she left. Or was it abrupt?

We discussed counseling but it never happened. She wasn’t too keen on the idea so I didn’t want to press it. We didn’t fight or anything but sometimes I didn’t make her feel how she wanted to felt. I was surprised when she left. Things weren’t great but they weren’t too bad either. So one-day she told me she was leaving and that was that. It was too late to do anything about it; her mind was made up. The whole situation is pretty stupid if you think about it.

IWTO, Does your H come here? If he likes the computer so much, he might. <P>WM and you are scared because you don't want to be hurt. That is so understandable. No-one wants to be rejected.<P>BTW how are you WM????

He used to come here. Don't know if he does now. He was the one that found MB. I don't know if I would tell him to come here or not. Might make me seem pushy. Kinda like WM...Don't want to piss him off. Yet want to do everything I can. Its like a catch 22 it seems.....and WM, did you work alot, sounds like she feels the same as I did. Then you can only feel that way for so long. Til you start to withdraw. I'm just confused as to why she would do this trying to get some idea of what had been goin on?

So he didn't like the game plan here, or what...cos if he did, he has put you in Plan B, and that doesn't make sense from what you've told us.<P>Okay, most of us BS would give our eye teeth to have the WS come back asking for forgiveness...not me anymore, cos after today I am done. But if he knows the principals of MB, did he try to follow them with you..did he Plan A you at all, from what you know? Do you think he is Plan B'ing you, or doing it as HE understands it (he may have misinterpreted it).<P>You may need to tell us a bit more background...what happened during the A as far as you and him went. Reactions to each other, stuff you may have said that cut him to the core, etc.<P>A lot of detail will get you a lot of help!!!<P>

The One,<P>I remember posting to your H. I believe that it would be a good thing for you to let him know you are now posting here. Perhaps he will come back and the two of you can work on this via the MB site.<P>When he did post, he was very much in love with you IWTO. He was very frustrated but he did want things to work out.<P>So at least let him know that you are posting here, perhaps he will come back.<P>God Bless,<P>JL