I am a married man who is in love with a third party. I have known this lady for 8 years but did not progress the relationship seriously as we were both married. She has recently separated from her husband is getting a divorce soon. We get along very well.<P>Sometime back she told me that we should stop seeing each other as she could not handle the feelings. Also, she told me she was seeing another man. I told her my love for her was unconditional and that I understand she needed someone after the divorce.<P>Recently I showered a lot of attention on her and bought her a few expensive gifts (more than $10,000). I even sent her on vacations with her mum. I earn a decent living and I really love her very much. We do not have an affair per se as we have not slept together. But she had told me that we are secret lovers. <P>One day I bought her to buy a diamond ring ($1,500) which she gladly accepted. Later I asked if she loved me and she said yes. I asked if she knew that I loved her and she also said yes. I then probed and found out that she was still seeing the other man and even had sex with him. Naturally I was devastated. I thought the man was out of her life as she accepted these gifts and my love and even told me that she loved me.<P>I truly love her. I have seriously contemplated divorce to be with her. I am lacking intimacy in my marriage.<P>What should I do? Is she leading me on? Appreciate your advice.<P>

My advice is to spend the time, energy and money you've been spending on your OW and spend it on your W instead. <P>Send your W on trips, buy her $10K worth of gifts and a diamond ring, call her and speak in a loving voice as you speak to your OW, send her cards and do all the things you've been doing to her to your W. <P>Then come back and tell us how unhappily married you are. <P>Peace.

Great reply, KarmaGrrl!!! I couldn't have said it better, myself!!

in need of--<P>Welcome. I hope NSR will graciously share his standard welcome. It's filled with great advice and guidance through this website.<P>This IS a marriage builders forum. I think you can guess what our suggestions will include. <P>You have unmet emotional needs. Instead of continuing to try to solve problems with your wife, you've turned to OW. You now fancy yourself in love with her. And I'd bet big money (if I had it) that she's just playing you, friend. Stop spending money on her. You're being a "sugar daddy!" And what are you getting for your "investment" but heartache while she dallies with anOTHER man, AND you're smack in the middle of an emotional affair unbeknownst to your W???<P>I must say I admire your courage for posting here. You've taken the first step. Now, it's time to get down to the business of repairing your marriage. Are you ready? We'll help all we can. <P>------------------<BR>Laura<P>"I cannot care a little for you. I love you only just enough to love you all the way."~~Rod McKuen<P>