Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Joined: Jan 1999
Posts: 1,637
D
Member
OP Offline
Member
D
Joined: Jan 1999
Posts: 1,637
My H is utterly phobic about doctors. He won't go to one unless he's really sick. He hasn't had a full checkup in all the time I've known him (he's 45, we are together 17 years), he smokes, and doesn't take as good care of himself as he should.<P>He refuses to have a urological checkup, which men his age ought to have.<P>He has been having stomach trouble for two weeks. Interestingly, it started with a visit from his father in which there was NO conflice (they used to not get along). Symptoms: fatigue, nausea, need to eat almost constantly but some foods come right back up.<P>This morning he went to work, puked up his breakfast, and came home.<P>And won't see a doctor.<P>I'm only moderately concerned about it being something serious, but I would like him to at least get checked out. He fears a GI series, and is phobic about doctors, well, sticking things into places where things usually come out.<P>Any suggestions on how I can get him to go? And no, saying gently "I love you and want you to be OK" doesn't do it.<P>I tried.<P>

Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 433
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 433
Hi D&C! I was going to jump in on the "weight issue" thread but saw that you were doing fine on your own...... [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P>Re: your husband. I have one of those. Is there any way that you can do a warped POJA (read "bribe") on this one? ie - "if <B>you</B> go to the docs and have a & b & c tests done, <B>I</B> will <BR><UL TYPE=SQUARE><BR><LI>be your "slave" for the rest of the day</UL> <BR>or<BR><UL TYPE=SQUARE><BR><LI>wash your car once a week for a month </UL><BR>or<BR><UL TYPE=SQUARE><BR><LI> cook you gourmet meals and do all your errands for a month........</UL><P>??????????Could it work for you? The key may be to offer something soooooo good that it outweighs the negative feelings and "perceived" consequences of going to the doc.<P>Good for you caring enough about him to do what you can to get him there. You are 100% correct, he <B>should</B> go. Just how to get him to want to enthusiastically.........<P>Cheers,<BR>Lisa<P>

Joined: Jan 1999
Posts: 1,637
D
Member
OP Offline
Member
D
Joined: Jan 1999
Posts: 1,637
Yeah, Lisa, K surprised me over there too.<P>But it's funny how it's always assumed that a WOMAN should ALWAYS agree to losing weight as part of the POJA. What if the woman (like me) gains weight on anything over 1200 calories a day? <P>But that's not the subject at hand. [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P>Regarding your suggestions: H sees "bargaining" like that as manipulative. First of all, I'm already his slave. [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com] I do all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, negotiating with contractors, bookkeeping, budgeting, etc; all of his errands anyway. Second of all, he doesn't care how his car looks. [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P>Obviously the man has a subconscious death wish, and I'm just not sure how to get around that.

Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 433
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 433
It's only manipulative if it is not honestly presented. By explaining your <B>true</B> motivation - <B>HIS</B> health and your desire to live a long happy life together, he may (?) not feel as strongly on this one as being such?<P>O.k. so you are already a "good wife" (have you signed up for your implants as yet [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]) ...surely there is <B>something</B> that he would find difficult to pass up???? Short term pain for fantastic gain? What is something that you have found difficult to POJA on - that HE wants? Your only motivation for getting him to the doc is for his health and your long term pleasure of having him around. Nothing hidden or manipulative in that IMHO.<P>?????????<P>Cheers,<BR>Lisa <P>

Joined: Jan 1999
Posts: 1,637
D
Member
OP Offline
Member
D
Joined: Jan 1999
Posts: 1,637
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>have you signed up for your implants as yet <HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Nope. That's one side benefit to being heavier: Huge hooters. [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com] [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com] [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com] [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P>Maybe that's why H doesn't bother me about my weight. When I was thin, that's where I lost most of it.


Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 1,079 guests, and 45 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Mike69, petercgeelan, Zorya, Reyna98, Nofoguy
71,829 Registered Users
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 1995-2019, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5