Whew, what a day, what a nightmare, what a migrane!!! One thing happened with the 6 of us together, was STBX(SNL) and I and his lawyer and my 2 lawyers, and court recorder. You will find the real truth about your spouse. If I had not been married to Sad N Lonely for 24 years, I couldn't believe what my ears were hearing. He lied, just amazing to find him lie when he was given the oath. Found he was not keeping his story straight. Lawyer asked him one question, and then asked again later in another way, and out came a different answer. See they can't remember how they told the story before. All recorded with the court recorder. SNL had the audicity to chuckle when my lawyer talked about the physical abuse he has done to me. My lawyer had to ask him why he was laughing. Asked, you seem to think it is funny physically abusing your wife. I was not allowed to say anything, but took 8 pages of notes. Then respond to my lawyer about what Joe said, and when the lawyer asked me a question, I was able to relate the statement SNL said, and tell him what happened.

Yes, SNL bought his lover in Arizona a ring. All this time, up till my lawyer asked the question today, SNL lied to me. He spent $200 on a friendship ring I wonder if she is still wearing it in front of her husband. Months and months ago I asked him did you buy her any ring at all, and he said no. Told the lawyer I asked about engagement ring, cause their e-mails were about the ring. Well, today, found another lie. Also, were other lies too.

Just to let you guys know, SNL wrote all these statements about being radically honest, well, SNL doesn't think radical honesty is for all. He choses to not be honest with, me, the marriage builder forum (now he calls you guys a cult), my lawyer, his lawyer, and probably the Mrs. sexual bomb in Arizona. Who knows who else, remember the statement 'once a lie always a lie'. SNL has fallen into the always lie bit.

It was a stressful time, I couldn't say a thing, couldn't make a body motion, couldn't clear my throat. I had to sit there and listen to him degrade me, say horrible things about me, but he himself was turning the words around about himself. My lawyer caught on right away. Saw through him, and it is all recorded. This is a nightmare, a real nightmare. The honesty level of SNL was nowhere to be seen. It is like he took the oath, and said to h*ll with the oath.

This amazes me, just amazes me. The lawyers also saw that SNL is a controller. Stated to me afterwards, he is a #1 controller. Saw the way he manipulates his words, his statements, and tries to make himself better. I wish SNL would be a kind man, a caring man, a man who wants his family. Well, today was miserable. Hope court day this coming Tuesday will be better. I was thinker, but couldn't get in, now I am cry2much.

I don't want to see SNL get hurt, I don't want him to get disciplined for all his actions. Why does the WS seem to think they can get away with anything and not have to take the consequences. Today was an eye opener for me, now I know the real truth of SNL, he will go to all extremes to make himself look better.

Like buying the house in Arizona, he lied, and I have proof of the lie. My lawyer saw through the lie right away. The lies are what hurts the worst. I still had hope that SNL would be okay, would be honest, would be a caring man. But you know what he wrote about taking care of me, and making sure I was okay the rest of my life. No way, basically I was told this by another lawyer over 2 years ago, that once you are divorced forget it. You will have to defend for yourself. Well, the honesty came out earlier, and I am glad I took this lawyers advice, and now am taking my lawyers advice.

cry2much,

I am sorry that you had to go through what you did today, doesn't seem fair.

Why is it that you both had to be there? Did the lawyers ask you questions at some point in time?

It is amazing how easy the lying becomes for them.

Again I am sorry that you had to endure the mean and hateful things that your STBX said about you!

Good luck on Tuesday, I think that is when you said your court date was!!

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hugs to you cry2much.
I am so sorry you had to endure so much today. My thoughts and prayers are with you. It is so difficult to go through all of this. When SNL was posting I remember him telling me the importance of honesty and have read so many of his posts stressing that and many other issues that he obviously doesn't adhere to. It amazes me how easily and conveniently he has forgotten all of the advice and lectures. You deserve much better than what you have received.
Be strong and hold your head up high knowing that you are a wonderful, caring woman.
BH

thinker,

I'm sure that this whole ordeal will be very difficult to you. Try not to personalize it---it's my guess that SNL is a pretty sick man, and really has a hard time keeping "the truth" straight in his mind. From all the posts that I've read of his, his convoluted logic and torturous representation of the TRUTH is a symptom of a pretty sick mind.

I hope that you get through this OK... I'm sure it's going to be very difficult to let go of the man that you loved. But I don't think he's around any more---and this guy is pretty much guaranteed to live a very sad and empty life.

thinker,

Sorry things are going so rough for you. While its good to post to vent, be careful what you post as SNL will know your thoughts and try to use them against you.

My prayers are with you.

thinker,

I sure was sad to see this post. I can relate so much to how you are feeling. It hurt me much more that my H didn't care about me than the actual affair, itself. It is soooooo hard to accept that the person you love and trust most does not care about you.

Please know that others have also been down this road you are now travelling and we have survived. God will give you the strength you need to face the tough days ahead. Keep praying and let you lawyers look out for your and your family's best interests. After the WS (SNL) gets the divorce, don't expect much of anything at all.

You are in my prayers, RMA

<small>[ August 09, 2002, 09:02 PM: Message edited by: Roll Me Away ]</small>

sorry

Just an update. From the lawyers, SNL can come over to the house on Monday 12-1pm and on Thursday 12-1pm. He is to come over tomorrow from 12-2pm to get somethings he wants out of the house. I feel so sorry for him, and the love is there, but not as strong anymore. He is a very sick man, and my lawyer saw through him so well today. SNL is digging his grave deeper and deeper. With all the lies today, I hope he doesn't get hurt. Now SNL is telling me that he has to cooperate with the lawyers. I guess both the lawyers told him to cooperate, cause he is causing a lot of money to be spent unnecessarily. And SNL always said to me and the to the kids that I am the one wasting money on the lawyers. Well, today he was told who is wasting money on the lawyers. SNL was suppose to have papers to give to my lawyer, that was in a letter sent to SNL. Of course, he had nothing to give to my lawyer. SNL kept saying, I gave copies to my lawyer, and my lawyer kept saying I am not asking your wife, I am asking for your copies. He said this is redundant for him to supply copies when my wife supplied him with the copies. So my lawyer said, so you don't have any papers to give me. SNL said no. Also, SNL stated once that he will do things his way. My lawyer was pretty upset by that comment. Also, when SNL physically abused me by dragging me on the floor, which caused back and shoulder and neck injury and another physical attack after that, where he slapped my face about 4 times, and shook me real hard after my 1st injury - My lawyer said, so this was okay to injure your wife. SNL laughed when he said it was to wake me up and laughed. My lawyer was not happy, and this is in the records now. Why oh why is he doing this? Why didn't he just follow his lawyers orders. Why didn't he just do what was expected of him. I don't understand him anymore.

I wish he would communicate with me, but it seems all he wants to do is degrade me by telling me that I am wasting money on lawyers, and I am not cooperating with him. He told someone else that I am not cooperating, and it is because I am not following his plan. According to his plan, I would be out on the street. He doesn't give a sh*t about me, about the kids, about anyone but himself. He is a selfish man, who is sexually deprived. That is one thing my lawyers found in his e-mails with his Mrs. Whore in Arizona. The e-mails were quite sexual, and he has no guilt or remorse about his actions.

What happened today, was I was not to say anything at all during the interrogatories. His lawyer was to say nothing at all. My lawyer was to ask SNL questions and SNL was to answer. I was there to listen, and take notes. I took 8 pages of notes. I had to highlight the false statements by SNL, and put my statements after that. Of course we have evidence for sure of one false statement. SNL had his lawyer, and during the questioning SNL's lawyer yawned loud and stretched. I looked and was appauled by his actions. I had my lawyer, and his boss, and a court recorder was there taking records and taping the questioning. I don't know if this will happen to me, but if it does, I will answer with the truth given to me by GOD, not the truth I feel, but the honest to goodness truth. Wish SNL was in the right mind frame to be honest with people, and not trying to make himself look better than he is.

He told me today, he called about 1/2 hour before I had to leave for the lawyer. That he wanted his dress shoes. If you can call them dress. I said what do you need them for? He said his lawyer told him to not dress sloppy. He says he is comfortable dressing sloppy. So he had to buy clothes to wear, and he has a very wide foot, so he has extra,extra, wide shoes. So he asked me to look for them, and I found one pair.

Tonight, he says, that the lawyers told him to cooperate, and quit wasting money. Therefore, he is the one wasting money, and it is not me this time. It was never me, I feel. I followed the orders as stated by my lawyer, and SNL did as he wanted.

Yes, court is Tuesday, and I am getting nervous about this too. I was nervous today, had to take 1/2 nerve pill. Just can't handle much more of this, I got diarrhea and my back is killing me. Had to stand during the questioning, sitting just hurts my back too long.

Anyways, court date is Tuesday, and I am scared. Thanks for all your replies, I don't get on the boards too much, but will try to get on more. You all have been quite helpful, and yes I have moved on. This SNL is someone I really don't know, and I feel sorry for him. He was the man I loved, I tried to rescue him, and he cast me away like dead bait. So I am moving on without him, and it is hard, but he makes it abundantly clear that he doesn't want anything to do with me. He is making it abundantly clear that he is a lonely old fat man. Trying to lose weight. I hope he loses his weight, but he is going to have to change his set mind on doing things his way. Now he has to do what the lawyer says. Sad, but that is what happens when one is so strong willed. Good luck to you all. I am going to get on the divorce chat room. I want to find someone to talk to on a regular basis, personally. I need to talk to people who are going through the same thing. Maybe even conduct a class in church, or a support group in church on divorce. I am a kind, sympathetic caring person and I am out there to help people. SNL doesn't see me as a kind person, but someone will. Will tell you how tomorrow turns out. HOpefully, SNL will come get what he wants and take it and be civil. I do have one loft that he can store all the rest of his stuff, that way it will be in one area. DIVORCE is ugly. Oh yeah, also, the lawyer got on SNL about calling our youngest son names. He degrades our son quite a bit. He calls him lazy, heard him say stupid once, doesn't follow directions, etc. He really doesn't praise this child on his saxophone and ability to do the best he can in school. All our kids need counseling. Lawyer asked SNL about our one son that SNL sent a sexual e-mail to his printer, and this boy read about his father and the other woman having sex. My lawyer feels this son needs some counseling, and so did the expensive psychiatrist too. They both said this boy is messed up for life. Of course SNL told my lawyer he doesn't feel that our son needs counseling, that he talked to him, and that everything is okay. My lawyer said do you have a degree in psychology, lawyer said have you studied psychology. SNL came back with I have read a lot of books on psychology, and gone to counselors. So you feel you can analyze your son, and SNL replied yes. My lawyer stopped there, and talked to me about it later. Our son needs counseling, and to see his father commit adultery and act in the manner he did is so unfair to him. This man was suppose to be his idle. I believe this man is not his idle. They get into a lot of arguments. Anyways, thanks for all your replies, I know I am rambling on, sorry. Goodnight.

Also, SNL had the guts to call tonight and take the boys 18yrs & 16yrs out to the movies. I can't even afford to take the kids out to burger king, so I can't even afford to take the kids to the movies. Where does he get the guts to do this in front of me and the kids. I told him I wish I could take my kids out to the movies, but you won't even give me money to feed the kids (the 2 a boy and girl in college). But sure, you can have fun with the kids, while I just try to survive and feed them. You don't want to give me food to feed them. Where is the fairness here? He came to the house and said lets go boys, no care about me, no care about my plans. He gets his stuff and wants to go in my van. I told our oldest I am planning on going somewhere. He said where, I said somewhere, your dad can take you guys out, and I sit here without money to do anything.

He gets in the vehicle with the boys, the sons van, and I said really is fair isn't it. You joined a gym, bought a digital camera (which by the way he never was one for taking pictures. He said it was for taking a picture of his naked body, before he started exercising. He was I guess 295#'s, and now down to 265#'s. I said why didn't you just use an instant camera. Of course my lawyers are not believing his story either. He bought himself clothes, and eats only fresh vegetables and fruits. Eats salad at the salad bar, I can't afford that either.

My heart goes out to you.

Unfortunately, I'll soon be able to sympathize more closely with you, as my ExH will surely do the same to me.

I realize that my Ex is not the person or a person, who is anyone I would like to be associated with in any way, but yet we still have to communicate because of the children.

I have learned that when I stand up for myself, I am also standing up for the children, who need a strong and stable parent right now - which is the same in your case.

This has helped me to be strong and hold my ground against Ex, because he is not truly thinking about their best interest.

You have gone above and beyond for your STBX. Plese take strength in knowing that you did everything that you could to save your STBX from himself.

It's a tragedy for sure, what the WS's do, but God will give you the strength to go on.

You are in my thoughts and in my prayers. K

God is in control - glad to see you have a good spirit about yourself. I guess this is growth in oneself. I am trying so hard to get the strength, I have some, but would love quantities of more strength.

I am sorry to hear about your xh and OW possibly marrying. The statistics show that there is not love of God in this marriage. This is love of misguiding, deceit, disloyal, lies etc. That is what WS's live on, and therefore their attraction is lust, etc. Don't look for this marriage to last. The chances are very slim. God will be there for you, and you seem to have gained strength. Good luck.

As for myself standing up for myself and the kids. Going through counseling with First Step (for battered wifes), they said the same too. SNL has shown anger around the kids, and to the kids. He is not of stable mind right now, and seems to be going off the deep end. I know that I am here for the kids regardless of their faults. I am a person of fault, and SNL is too. But I can forgive, and will forgive. SNL doesn't seem to want to forgive, he wants to harbor the mistake and continue to look at the mistake as one being of the devil. He still won't forgive his mother for not being the type of mother he wanted. She did the best she could. And now lookwhat he is doing to her. He doesn't ask how she is doing, how her cat is, how she is managing. She is being used by her son, and this is so sad to see. She is 70 years old and doesn't have a place of her own to live in. What a sad situation.

I am a caregiver, and a good one. SNL doesn't like it, but that is who I am. I would place his mothers life in my hands over his hands. He would probably cast her in a nursing home or somewhere, cause he hates to deal with illness or older age. He doesn't have patience with the elderly. After all theyears they gave to this world, they deserve better than this. One day SNL will be old, and what does he think his life should be like when he should be retired and enjoying his life? He doesn't seem to be concerned about his mother.

Thinker,

I am really sorry it's gotten to this point..
although I am not surprised..

but something Thinker needs to do, is STOP worrying about what SNL is doing and what he isn't doing as it does not relate to you..

If he can afford to take the kids out to dinner and movie, be thankful..he's willing to even do that..

Your kids are older...the one in college, SNL isn't required to buy this child food any longer..as far as the state is concerned they are an adult and can support themself..

As far as the others well yes, he should pay child support..and no it won't be enough for you to give them what you want too..this is why you will have to work..so you can afford to do the things you want to with them..

And I hope SNL does get hurt..He needs to suffer in some way in which will help him learn..Don't get me wrong..I don't want to see him get physically hurt..but made to suffer the consequences of his actions..if he pulled your hair and hit you in the face then he needs to take the punishment required by the state in that..if it's jail time..so be it..it's not your fault he will suffer..it's his own for his own actions..STOP TRYING TO PROTECT HIM From the consequences of his actions..

Thinker, you said you are in counseling..do you spend all your time there talking about the things
SNL did and said? or are you working through your own feelings about what he said and did?? That is what thinker needs to do..work on thinker..and stop trying to fix SNL..SNL has made it clear YOU
can't fix him..You NEVER COULD...YOU NEVER WILL!!
So PLEASE BY THE GRACE OF GOD STOP TRYING!!!

Work on what YOU can control and what YOU can fix..and that my dear lady IS YOURSELF!!

If your lawyers believe your children need counseling..then it's YOUR responsibility to get them into counseling..because SNL WON'T!! HE doesn't think they need it..so he won't make them an appointment nor will he take them..so YOU as their mother..NEED TO DO IT!!

I know this sounds very harsh..But I think you have wasted to much time trying to fix SNL and not enough time trying to FIX yourself...

You say you want to move forward, well sweetie, you can't move forward if you keep looking backwards..So please stop looking at SNL and LOOK UP AT GOD!! And see His hand reaching out to you
to offer you hope..

Thorned Rose - In counseling, we've gine through the anger wheel. I have highlighted the wheel, which pertains quite a bit to SNL. I am still having a hard time getting SNL out of my head. He was my best friend, and it is hard losing your best friend. Yes, he is not responsible for the other 2 kids that are home that are in college, it is impossible to have a good life here, when I have to support 4 of us, and he only one. I am not getting alimony, and he is not one to say to me, do you need any money. I have asked him 3 times for money and he refused. I asked for money to go school shopping with son, and he gave me money yesterday.

I want to move on forward and get him out of my life. Get him out of my head, get him out of my memories. He is not a caring person. This is where I am having a hard time. I want to move on forward, but I go into relapses so often. The stress level has gone way to high for any human. Where there is a way to achieve you can, but you have to have the right frame of mind. I am unable to get in the right frame of mind. Friday, with him and his lawyer and my 2 lawyers, and a court recorder there, was so difficult. The ugliness of divorce comes out. SNL didn't say very nice things about me. I apologized to SNL for my lawyer bringing up an issue that they pounded out of me, and I was truly embarrassed when my lawyer brought it up yesterday. I apologized with a sincere heart, and I find out that SNL tonight says it didn't mean anything. Oh well, I am the F*c*king B*t*h again.

Thorned Rose, yes I will work one day. I have a limitation of lifting, with my R arm surgery 12 years ago. Now I have a problem of turning my head and pain in my neck and back. As far as working anytime soon, the Dr. I saw just this week said it is going to be at least another 6 months. SNL gave me severe whiplash, and I think SNL believes it now. At first he denied he did this much damage. But he has finally come to the conclusion with reading books that it could happen, since I had the surgery on my R arm, 3 surgeries, I have been favoring this arm, and now my back is weak. Anyways, the future for a job, is questionable. I don't want a dead end job. I want a job that is enjoyable and fun. SNL doesn't care what kind of job I get, just to get a job and make some money. There goes the thought of when the kids got older I finally could do something for myself. NOt possible now, will have to work my fanny off just to make ends meet. SNl doesn't see that I am going to have a hard time getting a job. I have been through this years back, looking for a job. They said I am too high risk. But SNl doesn't care, just get a job and get the h*ll out of his life.

Hard to accept, but hey some people come across quite strong.

I am not strong, I am weak and today I am really weak. Friday, drained the juices out of me. It was hard to be there, sitting across from the person you gave your heart to, and life to, to have them sit there and know they are dumping you like trash and they can say so many things that are so vindictive. This is hard Thorned Rose, and I am having a hard time this week dealing with life, and basically not wanting to live. I thought I was through that stage, but in reality, I don't want to live. I want to die, and just go to my cocoon and rot away. I am not wanted, I am only wanted for my organizational skills, I am only wanted to take care of the kids, he doesn't want them, THIS IS SO UNFAIR! Please Thorned Rose, pray for me. I don't want to live today, I don't want to be here anymore. I hate life, I hate living, I hate having to look at my husbands eyes, and know that he hates me, and doesn't want me in his life anymore. That he considers me more than 50% responsible for the marriage falling, I guess I am that bad person he says I am, heck he calls me my nickname (f*c*ing b*t*h) quite often. If I am such a bad person, maybe I should just quit and end my life. You know, a human can take just so much of this demeaning crap, until one day they break. Maybe that is the point where I am at. I don't think I am a good person, I don't think I will be loved by anyone. I don't think my kids love me, I don't think SNL cares if I were to end my life. Probably would be one less problem in his life. Therefore, why should one have to sit here and have to face all these faces knowing I am nothing to them.

Goodnight for now. I need to just get out of here.

Thinker,

I know how hard it is to sit there and listen to the garbage..I've been there..

You asked me to pray...have you been calling out to Jesus? Ask the Lord to show you HIS LOVE!! He loves so much more than SNL ever could..Don't pray to mary or to the saints..but call out on the name of Jesus and ask HIM to help you..read your bible read John 14 and 15, and Read Isaiah 54
and medidate on those..allow the Holy Spirit to minister to your heart and Soul..

My prayers are with you..

In some states, the NCP is absolutely required to continue supporting his or her children until they finish college or reach 23, and, in addition, must contribute to their college expenses. This is true in Massachusetts, among others. Even in states where that is not the case, it can and should be written into the divorce agreement.

Did you press charges against SNL for his abuse? If he thinks abusing you is funny, what is going to stop him from killing you?

Thinker,
I feel awful for you....and have read many of your previous posts....
I have been through a lot over 3 years with a controlling, manipulative, projecting stbx and his dreadful young thing who he has been with for 5 years.

The only advice I can pass on is (and I know it is nearly humanly impossible)
-stop thinking and start taking action for yourself and your children. SNL must live the life he choose without you saving him from his actions or eating yourself up over his bhaviour. He is who he is and you have no control over him and he should have no control over you....

a)find and get your kids all the non and or professionalhelp you can. If you cannot afford this, can SNL?...you are the parent and need to make this happen...do not wait for SNL to be the parent.
The kids might never thank you, they may even hate you....but you need to do this as their parent.
b)stop protecting SNL from the consequences of his behaviour and actions. If he did something your lawyer feels needs to be addressed, then that is what you are paying the lawyer for. Tell your lawyer all and let him/her judge what needs to be addressed and what is not necessary...that is not your job anymore
c)Stop posting how SNL is pushing your buttons and how he makes you feel....he reads this and will manipulate all this.
d)get help for yourself....you are not alone and it IS empowering to know that your feelings are valid in a very stressful time
e)what I felt really helped......I was told that my stbx could lie , try to make me into the wickedest witch alive...to my children, to my friends, but if I depersonalized all this garbage (which it was), he and his lawyer could and can say whatever they want without me going balistic emotionally. After over 3 years it wears thin and I shrug it off as stbx "projection and loss of control over his own pathetic life.

Yes it is hurtful, yes it is bizzare, but you need to disassociate yourself from all this and focus on you, not on what SNL says to you or about you...

Hope this helps

PS
My kids (Older teens)were also told I am wasting money on my lawyer, as well as a lot of the same stuff you posted regarding SNL's behaviour re the kids and parental/financial obligations to them.

My kids have bought so much of the garbage.... they bit the hand that fed them and and enabled the parent who bit them! This has caused me the most heartache,but I have done my best as I have been in a similar stae as you.....just to do , pay and take care of all kids problems/issues etc while they treat you poorly. While still dependant we all have to take care of the kids...especially if their other parent does walks out on this aspect of the parental relationship. So DO NOT GIVE UP on yourself or your kids. Make your children accountable for their choices and behaviour ...towards you and others. They will learn that the abuse they saw in their home is now unacceptable in your home, no matter how evil you are then portrayed to be. It does work eventually ........

One thing I told my children that providing I took care of my parental financial obligations to them it was no business of theirs as to how I spend my money!

Please start taking care of you and your needs. You are a worthwhile and good person and it sounds as if your children need you....(no matter their acting out)

<small>[ August 12, 2002, 01:33 AM: Message edited by: willbok99 ]</small>

C2M,

Sorry you had to go through this. I went through the same process a couple months ago. I was deposed first, WW lawyer was horrible and really did not try to get much. My lawyer is a bearcat and it was a very tough day for WW. Her lawyer is convinced I am a horrible person and took WW side - I even have a letter from my L that he sent to WW lawyer in which he admonishes her for her inappropriate phone call to him where she refers to me in an unprofessional manner. I think it is just another example of finding a sympathizer in this case a L and continuing the lies.

Anyway, consider yourself fortunate in a way. In WW depo, she was truthful about many things. And I must admit, the truth was much harder to take than the lies. I knew the lies, I found out so much more deciet and evil that was going on than I wanted to know. It was hurtful. To have the person you love sit there and get a charge out of telling that, while I was on vacation with the kids, she was in Vegas with him. She even smiled as though to say, ha ha fooled you again.

The lies are useful to your lawyer if he can prove they are lies. And if he is any good, he can get what is owed to you from WH. In my case, OM divorced his W of 25 yrs and had to pay big in alamony.

Any way you could sue him also for your physical ailments connected to his abuse? You may want to look into it. You may find a L that would take it on contingency. I am doing similar. I am suing OM for a couple of things since he was my treating physician for depression at the time of the A with my WW.

Also, please be careful about what you write here. Your WH is likely watching and could be providing your thoughts to his L. IF you provide me your email address I will explain further off line. Really, you need to be careful - this comes from experience in my own situation.

By the way, the trial is worse than depos - sorry to give bad news.

JC

thinker, I hardly know what to say except to express my concern for you. The heartache is bad enough by itself. You have physical pain from your injury to compound matters further. Do you have access to adequate medical care for your recovery? I got some bad medical care for a neck and back injury 10 years ago. I went through quite an ordeal to find the right kind of treatment that made me better instead of worse. You need to recover! I can see you're in a very dark place right now. I'll pray for a great big ray of light to come into your life. You have talents and virtues that will pull you through this difficult time. Even if you don't know what those talents are, have faith that you do indeed possess them. hang tough girlfriend!

Willbok - Yes, others have told me that I should seek someone to find out about SNL taking care of the kids until they are 23 if they are still in college. I just have been so busy cleaning the house out and getting ready for this garage sale. The first day was today, and continuing with tomorrow and Sat. Still have things to go through for next garage sale. Which will be at end of Sept. or Oct. Anyways, these kids are top students at college. The oldest got everything, and it is just so unfair to the next 2 in college, and then we have one in high school as a junior.

Yes, a police report was made about the abuse SNL did on me. I am seeing a massage therapist for my neck, shoulder, and spine. Also, the Dr. prescribed aquatic therapy and yoga therapy. SNL is not agreeing to paying for the therapy. We don't have good medical coverage, so this will have to come out of his pocket. And of course this leaves him with the power to control. Anyways, working on getting more medical help. If I continue to feel as lousy as I do today, Life is not good. This is terrible when you are losing the feeling in your right arm, and the pain gets so severe.

Yes, I am finding help for the kids. Hopeing they will be at least willing to go a few times. Of course, SNL says he talked to all the kids and everything is fine. If he realized the actions and symptoms of them not being okay, this is so hard being the sole parent here. I wished that SNL would just leave this state. He is so uncaring, and this hurts.

I thought I was the only one getting the remarks that I am wasting my money on the lawyers. I am glad to hear that you have had the same happen to you. I can't believe that SNL would say such things to destroy your image to the kids. It amazes me how SNL destroys any good left in myself, and he makes himselve look like the good guy.

Lonesome - yes there is great medical access to good recovery. But without getting SNl to pay for the treatments, I am without care. Our medical insurance is catastrophic self employment coverage. They will cover for 10 visits of therapy. The only reason SNL is allowing me to go to massage therapy is because she does it out of her home and it is cheaper. But to do the others, he already knows it is going to be quite expensive and therefore he is holding back. He wants me to go, and then have them bill us when I am done with the therapy. But with SNL's record of not paying bills, it would be bad credit for me. SNL has a problem with paying bills, always has, and medical bills are one of his greatest failures. That is why he has bad credit, that is why he has to have a credit card with his mother as the main person on the credit card. That is why my lawyer told me to cancel all my credit cards and pay them off.

Thanks for the prayers, I need the prayers to continue on and try to live. I am really down, and just don't care much to live right now. I don't know if it is the Zoloft or what, but I really don't care to live, and just get rid of the stuff around here and give the money to the kids. At least they would have some money to try to pay for bills. SNL is not a fair man, and I cry for my kids daily. I cry for the unfair statements SNL says, and I cry for the unfair actions SNL is doing daily to us. SATAN has a great hold on SNL and SNL is going to have to face the gates of heaven one day. I sure hope he faces them truthfully and I sure hope he realizes the damage he has done.

Please pray for me. Thanks for the concern from you all. I am trying to move on, but have been set back so often, life doesn't seem worth living.

I'm glad to hear your update. Been thinkin' boutcha. I drop things a lot out of my right hand, and had numb fingers for a while when I had an accident. Excuse me while a rant for a moment about health care. My doctor was quite liberal with referrals to physical therapists. Went to one. Got worse. Went to another one. Got worse again. I just couldn't believe physical therapy was my only option. I told my doctor I'd rather be in pain than go to physical therapy. He said I'd have to be in pain then. *(&#($#)&%(_#!!

I spent $25 on a library card at the local medical university. I learned about chiropractors and osteopaths. Those fields are the new kids on the block, relatively speaking, and some of the material I read was extremely negative about the practice. Downright scary for that matter. I had been to an osteopath many years prior for a ligament problem. He told me what I needed to do in one visit. That was all I needed. Ten years later I went back to him with a neck so stiff that I couldn't turn my head without my entire body turning also. I got immediate relief. I left his office able to turn my head. He also looked at the exercises the therapists had given me and said they would aggravate my condition. The cost was $35 a visit, and I went 10 times initially and then whenever the pain flared up. He gave me exercises that I still do today.

Check out your options! Something better is out there for you, medically, financially and emotionally. At this point, it doesn't matter HOW you got into your pickle. The important thing is to let go of your pain and move forward. ... One more thing... see if an MRI might be an option that's covered. If you have a bulging disk in your back, an MRI will reveal it. Your therapists should know it's there if you have one.

((((((((((thinker))))))))))
Unfortunately I have no smart advice but only want you to know I think of you. I understand you completely cause I went thru this a year ago. No matter what i said or did ex had more to add.
You'll go thru this, it is not easy but you'll succeed
Hang on
D