first background <BR>My Wife has been having a two year affaire with a<BR>friend of ours. I found out by seeing her Email <BR>I did not have a clue as to what was going on .<BR>Wife told me that it was my fault she had an affaire <BR>because I was not meeting her needs emotional or sexually <BR>OK so I was not a good husband .<BR>Now after thinking about what I have been reading <BR>here I think that I should just let go of my anger <BR>and pain not dwell on past mistake and try to fix <BR>the problems that I have made with W .....<P>but what I fear is going to happen is W will see this <BR>a chance to drag up every thing that I did wrong <BR>and that is not going to make me feel any more like <BR>being her New and improved husband .....<BR>any help on this would be nice

Welcome to the forum Q.<P>You should start by reading the concepts of the MB program.Has your wife ended the A? If so, is she willing to participate in a program like this? That way she could communicate her needs to you, so that you could start to fill them. You at least have an idea since she told you that two of her needs are not being met. Maybe should could clarify the emotional part for you.<P>If you haven't already, read the book Surviving an Affair by Dr. Harley. It is a must read and a good raod map to the way back. Keep coming back. There is a lot of good advice and support to be found here.<P>cleo<BR>

Hi, <P>Welcome to the forum. I too suffered through 16 months of my wife's affairs (2). Of course I did not know that she was having them and I had blinders on regarding what was wrong with the marriage. In the end my wife would not work on the marriage. We are getting divorced. It is not possible to work on this by yourself. Read plan A & Plan B here and make your decision. I am being a reasonably nice guy, but you know what I don't want her back. If your wife wants to try, then I will bet you can have a happy and successful marriage. But if she won't try, then I'd consider making a firm stand. The affair will end or I file for divorce!, etc.<P>When I said it is not possible to work on this by yourself. I should have said that you should address the areas discussed in Marriage Builders to help you in the future, but if she is not willing to work on it also, then progress will not come. She must stop the affair. With no contact, then you can begin working on it. She may join in after a time. That is what I meant.<P>Good Luck to you.