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#74315 12/20/00 01:59 PM
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My H masturbates on the internet on a daily basis, jsut found out and filed for separation. H had a problem with phone sex a while ago also. H feels I should give him sex at least once a day. Trust me he is not deprived. I strongly feel that it is the same as cheating. H feels it's no big thing every guy does it. I'm sick of being degraded in this manner and have decided to end this thing called marriage. Am I overreacting?

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Eden you do not have to give your husband sex <BR>once a day its not just about pleasing him but pleasing you too and if you husband thinks that everyman does phone sex then he is sadly mistaken.<BR>and no i dont think you are overeacting your husband is just been selfish and the only person he cares about is him self

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Eden,<P>Your husband is certainly wrong to be behaving that way. Certainly VERY much wronger if it displeases you (and it evidently does). There's not enough information here to make more than guesses at why he's doing that - you can answer that better than anyone here.<P>He's not "deprived" and you "give" him enough sex? Even if you "give" it to him three times a day, it "sounds" like he might be deprived of someone SHARING sex MUTUALLY with him. That's an awfully pointed statement and makes it sound like it's all your fault - In the quest for the beginning (chicken came first, or the egg) it could have been HIS behavior that made you feel degraded. . . Doesn't matter. The point is that something's wrong and needs to be righted.<P>Whether you're over-reacting or not really is going to have to be based on YOUR standards, and not whether any of the rest of us think you are.<P>In all honesty, my reply is more toward BIJZONDER:<BR>Bijzonder, shame on you for your bitter counsel! Shame on you for being the sort of person to make a point of contention, and stir strife in someone else's marriage - I wonder how many marriages that were balanced on a precarious edge have failed because of a feather's touch in the wrong direction.<P>I will say a little more, in a seperate post.<P>In the meantime, Eden, you have my prayers and I do hope you get that worked out. It does sound like he has a chronic problem. Gosh if he has a history of phone sex, even! Whether he feels he is "given" enough, he needs to have a little of his own resolve, and practice some self-control. He needs to direct his "desires" toward you, and not somewhere else, whether it be on a videotape, magazine, or over a wire.

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<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by bijzonder:<BR><B>Eden you do not have to give your husband sex once a day its not just about pleasing him but pleasing you too </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Bijzonder,<P>The first half of that is so wrong it's warped.<P>The second half of it is so correct, it's misapplication in that sentence makes it almost a comical incongruency.<P>In a marriage a couple makes a vow to be one-another's fulfillment. That goes a lot farther than sexually, but this is what's at issue here.<P>Any failure to honor a vow is UNFAITHFULNESS.<BR>Unfaithfulness and infidelity are synonyms. Adultery is only ONE "method" of infidelity. I say that last, over adultery because there are a few bitter-thinkers out there that seem to think that faithfulness in marriage is only confined to the exclusion of all others from elements of the relationship. But that's only one of the commitments of marriage. . . there are a host of other things that wives and husbands are both obligated to do and to be for one-another.<P>Sure marriage does require the exclusion of all others. . . But it's not just about that. It is the mutual INCLUSION of one-another, to be the one sure safe-haven, a friend, a companion - someone to just feel comfortable around, and . . . sex. (ack!)<P>Sins of omission are not as easily detectable, and since they are the commissions of nothings, then there is nothing evidently manifest from them. Since that is the case, the guilty party of them can consider themselves as, and even be regarded as beyond reproach. But God knows what is in the heart.<P>Eden does not have to "give" her husband sex every day. I submit that she should rarely ever just "give" him sex but that she and he should share in it. He has a responsibility too, in this - that he be considerate and not expect sex at inconvenient times, or if she is not feeling well, etc. That sort of thing is something that they will have to work out if they can.<P>But Bijzonder, your bitter counsel is hurtful to someone who might actually be trying to make a marriage work. Statements like "wives shouldn't have to ______" are too easily countered by similar statements like "husbands shouldn't have to ______". Husbands and wives should not withhold things, and they should not "give" things begrudgingly, because then it is no gift at all (and it's not hard to tell, when that is the case).<P>Wives DO have to _________<BR>and. . .<BR>Husbands DO have to _________<BR>. . . whether it's sex, or anything else.<P>Anything less, and the vows are already broken - unfaithfulness has been committed through the ugly, hypocritical sin of omission.<P>"I" for one really haven't a clue how Eden and her husband are to fix their problem. But I certainly do hope that they can. And it is always encouraging to me to see a couple survive a struggle and succeed - it's nearly as encouraging as it would be if they never struggled at all.<P>God bless you Eden, I hope it can be resolved, and that your husband gets his head on straight. And whatever part you may have, same also. Try to succeed.<P>God bless you too, Bijzonder - but shame on you for that bitter counsel. I'm guilty of saying bitter things, but never-ever that would set strife between another wife & husband.

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Eden--<P>How long have you and H been married? <P>Have you read the concepts, etc. found here at MB? I read and understand from your post that you're feeling pretty angry and disgusted right now, and ready to throw in the towel. But I feel I must caution you, staging a walkout if you're not absolutely sure that's what you want to do is not a good thing! Are you sure?<P>A lot of men probably DO masturbate quite often. Your H is rationalizing, maybe because he feels attacked by you. That fact is rather beside the point, and you know it. This is something that upsets you. You have every right to express your feelings. However, your upset does not give you the right to blast him (if indeed that is what you're doing). That's a lovebuster. If you truly want to negotiate, you must show your H respect for his feelings too (not necessarily his actions, but his <I>feelings</I> and communicate your feelings in a non-threatening manner. And tough it is!<P>Do you love your H, and do you want to save your marriage? We're willing to listen and help all we can.<P>Laura

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I am going through a similar thing. It makes me feel as if my husband is also being unfaithful. He has had this problem since he was younger, I thought I could satisfy him but apparently I can't. I know how it feels, and I feel for you. I have been married for three years, have two beautiful children, and am smaller now than I was when we first met, I just don't know what to do anymore. Is your husband resentful about his problem? Mine says he is, but he still continues to masterbate, watch movies, buy magazines, and log onto internet sites. It just makes marriage hard. It makes it hard to try and meet his #1 need sexual fulfillment knowing what he has seen, is seeing, or thinking about when he is suppose to be making LOVE to you.

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<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by ilmf:<BR><B> Bijzonder,<P>The first half of that is so wrong it's warped.<P>The second half of it is so correct, it's misapplication in that sentence makes it almost a comical incongruency.<P>In a marriage a couple makes a vow to be one-another's fulfillment. That goes a lot farther than sexually, but this is what's at issue here.<P>Any failure to honor a vow is UNFAITHFULNESS.<BR>Unfaithfulness and infidelity are synonyms. Adultery is only ONE "method" of infidelity. I say that last, over adultery because there are a few bitter-thinkers out there that seem to think that faithfulness in marriage is only confined to the exclusion of all others from elements of the relationship. But that's only one of the commitments of marriage. . . there are a host of other things that wives and husbands are both obligated to do and to be for one-another.<P>Sure marriage does require the exclusion of all others. . . But it's not just about that. It is the mutual INCLUSION of one-another, to be the one sure safe-haven, a friend, a companion - someone to just feel comfortable around, and . . . sex. (ack!)<P>Sins of omission are not as easily detectable, and since they are the commissions of nothings, then there is nothing evidently manifest from them. Since that is the case, the guilty party of them can consider themselves as, and even be regarded as beyond reproach. But God knows what is in the heart.<P>Eden does not have to "give" her husband sex every day. I submit that she should rarely ever just "give" him sex but that she and he should share in it. He has a responsibility too, in this - that he be considerate and not expect sex at inconvenient times, or if she is not feeling well, etc. That sort of thing is something that they will have to work out if they can.<P>But Bijzonder, your bitter counsel is hurtful to someone who might actually be trying to make a marriage work. Statements like "wives shouldn't have to ______" are too easily countered by similar statements like "husbands shouldn't have to ______". Husbands and wives should not withhold things, and they should not "give" things begrudgingly, because then it is no gift at all (and it's not hard to tell, when that is the case).<P>Wives DO have to _________<BR>and. . .<BR>Husbands DO have to _________<BR>. . . whether it's sex, or anything else.<P>Anything less, and the vows are already broken - unfaithfulness has been committed through the ugly, hypocritical sin of omission.<P>"I" for one really haven't a clue how Eden and her husband are to fix their problem. But I certainly do hope that they can. And it is always encouraging to me to see a couple survive a struggle and succeed - it's nearly as encouraging as it would be if they never struggled at all.<P>God bless you Eden, I hope it can be resolved, and that your husband gets his head on straight. And whatever part you may have, same also. Try to succeed.<P>God bless you too, Bijzonder - but shame on you for that bitter counsel. I'm guilty of saying bitter things, but never-ever that would set strife between another wife & husband.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>ilmf,<P>AMEN, AMEN, and AMEN again!!!<P>Sexual unfaithfulness isn't the only betrayal of marriage vows. It's not even the first, usually. But it sure gets all the airtime! [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P>

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ive had a problem with my h and porn. i demanded that he get the tapes out of our house and he apparently got rid of those.then it started on the computer.our computer broke down and i have not thought twice about getting it fixed,but he wants a new one ,it will not be bought with my money.anyway we have been having a wonderful relationship for a few months now.
until i found a tape that he claims he was tranferring it over from a vhs to a dvd for a friend at work along with other tapes.it just so happened that this tape was the only one he did not get done.in the past it was always porn between male and female or female female but what i seen was something that broke me all the way down.it was he-she porn.can someone please tell me what this may mean


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