After waiting for the custody report from the psychological evaluator, I finally called him today. He said it would be out on Friday.

But, he said that H lacks parental judgement. HMMMM, and this man originally believed that he would get full custody! He's also very concerned about H's lack of communication, not only to me on basic childcare issues, but to the psychologist.

And it only cost $5,550 to give H a report of what I already knew. His immaturity is really costing alot through this divorce, and is wasting alot money and time.

Newly,

Aren't your glad though, that someone else, who has a DEGREE in this area has verified and confirmed what you already knew!!!

Personally, I think it would give me a great peace and satisfaction having that confirmed and knowing it wasn't all in my head..

I'm sorry it's cost so much both emotionally and financially though..

just pray that when your ex-h gets this report, it will make him really think about what
he's done...I tend to think though that he will say the person who did the test is a quack..and doesn't know what they are talking about..

TR thanks for your thoughts. I know there are so many good fathers on this board who have to fight for custody, and it's annoying that some who isn't a good father thinks the "deserve" the children.
H will not read it as it's intended. He and his family only see things one way.
Have a good day.

I thought this was important enough for others to see so, Bump!

newly,

I'm sad for ya, because this sentence says a lot:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong> ... H will not read it as it's intended. He and his family only see things one way. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I can't speak for your stbxH nor his family, because I'm not there, but I CAN identify with the "wish" that an ex would read that report and some little part of their brain would go off like a lightbulb: "OMG! An impartial professional thinks I do not have sound parental judgment. I need to work on myself and my parenting skills so I can be a better parent." (That would be so nice, wouldn't it?)

Unfortunately, I think what they usually hear is: "You are not perfect. You are WRONG. Therefore you must blame others for your own shortcomings."

We need a universal translator, don't you think? Something that translates WS-speak into BS-ese and something that translates exH-talk into...well...English. heehee.

CJ

WOW NEWLY, good thing you won,you wouldn't want your kids raised by a childish father who lacks parenting skills but loves his kids, NO WAY he'd LEARN ANY once he had to deal with them every day,more kids saved from their, big, bad, childish fathers, MOTHER knows best!!! Dont count your chickens untill they hatch, he could still get SHARED custody..... OMG, two weeks a month with their CHILDISH father, how would you ever cope?? TWO WHOLE WEEKS WITHOUT CONTROLL???? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Fortyone,
I respectfully request that you do not write to me or respond to my posts. From reading your posts, I feel that you have not read the concepts on this board and are not here for healing purposes or to better yourself.

Fortyone:

Your post was very uncalled for. Newly didn't write the report OR do the evaluation.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> NO WAY he'd LEARN ANY once he had to deal with them every day, </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Your probably right here, he's been a father almost six years and it seems there is no progress so far. You know fathers are allowed to be fathers, caregivers, nuturers, etc. even when married (and many do). In my opinion, that is one area that society has improved in recent years. They don't have to wait on a divorce to start learning.

Maybe you need to take up your complaint and criticism with the $5,550 psychological evaluator.

NEWLY, SADLY, your not in controll of what i choose to reply to, maybe the truth hurts, huh??I've learned a great deal from reading all the sad stroies on this board, I feel for many of the people posting, SORRY I dont feel for people who have to spend the family fortune to SMEAR the other parents parenting skills,since your so IN CONTROLL maybe you can controll your emotions and ignore my replys if you dont like them, just a thought, i'll TRY to contain my opinions when I see your name hooked to a post.... be nice, he's still their father.

Fortyone;
I respectfully ask that all make a distinction between a father, a mother and a parent.

Parenting is hard work; it is not about loving a child, many mothers and fathers who are incompetent parents and cause tremendous damage to their children by their so called "parenting" do truly love their children.

Newly is not suggesting that her children's father does not love them. It is his parental behaviour that is the problem, not the emotions he feels towards them.

While all parents in solid marraiges as well as in failed marraiges have different parenting styles, a mother or father who has little insight into not only what it means to be a parent, but how to act as a parent as opposed to a friend only, leaves their children with huge issues.

For my two cents worth, had my children been younger,I would have spent all my money ensuring I got full parenting with visitation only for their father. I have always acknowledged that he does love his children, but is incapable of understanding that his adolescent behaviour, threatening emotionall blackmail and condoning and enablement of drugs and alcohol by my children has been higly destructive.

Newly,

Am glad to hear that the evaluator has made his report, based on what he saw, and came up with the same things that you felt. I hate that it costs so darn much to have someone with a degree or license make an opinion, but sometimes that is what it takes.

It is a shame that stbx will probably not read the report, but that is his choice. Kind of falls into what the psychologist was talking about.

Take care!

Lori

Newly,

I'm glad things are looking up for you for custody. Hopefully your stbx will see the report and make changes in his life. There are parenting classes he can take that can improve his parenting skills without letting the children be guinea pigs to his poor judgements.

I continue to meet men who have custody of their children, their wives are the WS's, are self centered and the right parent got the children for the majority of the time. I like seeing the courts work correctly.

Good luck, let us know what happens.

ANNA2K