Don't mean to butt in..
the movie is "Waiting to Exhale", by the same author as "How Stella Got Her Groove Back", Terry McMillan (I think). They're both great divorce/recovery movies. The scene where Angela Bassett sets fire to the beemer is a classic. She also sells (for $1) the stuff she didn't burn, like golf clubs.

Wish real life could be more like the movies sometimes...we would probably find ourselves in jail for burning cars up.

NotPeachy, you are brave and will come through all of this in victory. Don't rush your decision to move or not, this is not the time to make life altering decisions. I've stayed in the family home for over a year since my divorce, and although I can't afford the thing, it's been good for the kids and I to just wait until we are ready to move. My having to work full-time and meeting a new guy was enough of an adjustment for them after the divorce.
Take care of your little one and yourself, and don't let those lawyers muddle things up so much that they're the only ones with any money at the end of this thing.

allison

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> OK..HE'S DONE MORE STUFF. WE WILL HAVE TO GO BACK TO COURT.

I am madder than hell tonight. And yes, I sure would love to torch the bmmr after tonight.

He started calling my cell this afternoon saying he needed to drop the check off. Can't the jerk use the mail or direct deposit? No. That wouldn't afford him any "front time" and the only way he even sees me is through a door and when I barely open it thus he has to maximize his time somehow. I am in a rigid plan B and have absolutely no contact with the man unless it is about our son.

So tonight the [censored] attempts a call block and tries then to call me. I don't answer call blocks. Like I can't figure out that it's him. first calling on cell trying to figure out when to "drop the check by my house".

No response from me. Thought he'd understand what the mail is for by now.

And then comes the really fun part. After an exhausting day of 10 patients, JEthro shows up at my front door knocking and ringing bell over and over again. I go to door and dog runs out. Dog knocks over flowers on my porch. He's all dressed up and I see that MS. FAMILY VALUES IS DRIVING THE BMW AND IS SITTING IN MY DRIVEWAY. After I have emphatically said "she is not allowed on my property." HE smiles widely and hands me the envelope with the $ in it. IT IS ONLY THREE THOUSAND. Not the whole amount. half of the amount due this month. He owes me 4300 plus the back amount (one third of whole) of 2250.
I say "where's all of it" and he starts in to "I am a leech, money grubbing, etc.
" Then I see the OW driving his car in driveway. I lose it. I say (not screaming but emphatically) I said to leave the mistress at home where she is, sponging off of my assets. She is not allowed here. He says more stuff and says I am crazy.

Well he sure got his way. He wanted an audience so he could orchestrate his little drama. I have not allowed it to happen thus he has to work for it now. So I am frantically emailing attorneys to get their help in now seeing to it that he goes before the judge on wednesday and is thrown in jail.

I am angry and mad. And now I am also asking for restraining orders against both Jethro and Family Values. She even waved at me with her little hand out side of the window as she drove away. I am not going to suffer abuse from either of them anymore. It was a setup. Setup for him to get to see me and also to make me look bad in front of MFV. She's a wh*re. She certainly is. Next he IM's me and says that "she's a model and will be in glamour next month and in maxxim too!". Geez. I reminded him that I was on the cover of one back when I was 24 (same age as MFV) and that it's more important about substance. Because I still look that young but I'm a helluva lot better inside now. And that I'd rather be respected speaking as the keynote kickoff speaker at my state medical convention and honored and respected than thought of as a sex symbol. But there's plenty of time in the near future for me to change my mind about not being a sex symbol...lol!

Anyway, he says in the IM that "THE TEMPORARY ORDER ISN'T ENFORCEABLE ANYWAY" AND THAT "HE IS HAVING SON ON MOTHERS' DAY". So he is trying to keep my son from me on mothers' day.

Ok. Where do I go? I am already in a rigid plan B. I am asking for jail right now and also for restraining orders for peace in my life. I also am asking for a restraining order against MFV on behalf of my son.

Tonight my son was scared. We've been having really bad weather not to mention the earthquake last week. Son says he's scared and comes up behind me (I am sitting on floor) and hugs me from behind. Then he put his hand on my chest area (get this, the chest area) and grabs them. I got really angry and said "whoa son, what are you doing? He stopped immediately. I said "we don't do that or touch that area with girls or mommies or ladies ok? That that is not ok. And then it dawned on me. I asked son this, "did you see anybody do this before to a girl?" He said "I saw daddy and MSV do that." She was wearing her swimsuit and he touched her there."

So my son is seeing his smut now. And I am in the process of sending a very explicit email to my attorneys about this one. He can't lock the damn door can the madman? He is warping my son now.

What do I do about that? I asked son about thatand he said that he saw that when he walked into his daddy's bedroom and that MFV sleeps in there and that they were in the bed.

This is disturbing.

The weather is getting really bad here. I just finished emailing attorneys now about son and the behavior and son telling me what he saw his dad to with MFV.

I personally believe this is tantamount to child abuse. It is evil. Pure evil.

Orchid, Formerly Confused, L Husband, call me if you read this. This is one bad night folks. One of the worst.

Are you still seeing your counselor?

Restraining order sounds like a primo idea. And if mail won't work, a mail slot in the door would allow him to drop it off without you having to see his ugly face. Personally, I checked into direct deposit so I could see less of x but my bank would only allow direct deposit from BUSINESS accounts - not personal ones.

Does son have counselor? 4 is not too young. Trust me. I see them that age in s & d's counselors offices.

({{{{{{{{{{notpeachy}}}}}}}}}

I follow your posts pretty regularly because, even though I'm much older than you, I'm also an RN with a crazy STBXH with an OW the same age as MFV, though definitely not ready for the cover of any magazine other than Dog World...

Anyway, I found out something last week that, a year ago, would've sent me into a spin. About 5 years ago, around the time I was dx'd with breast cancer, when I thought my 50 yr. old STBXH, who I thought was still sober, and his 25 yr. old buddy, were apparently involved in an out-of-control sexual misadventure with my then 15 or 16 yr. old niece and her friends, one of whom was over 18. Niece, who's now 19, told her mom who told me and said she just wants to forget about it.

Two years ago I heard about some acting out behavior, like your son's but different, by OW's then 4 yr. old D(imitating sexual behavior with Barbie and Ken dolls in front of her aunt and saying, "this is what Mommy and WH do."

A few months ago, the apt. mgr. who kicked WH and OW out last May for a variety of bad behavior, told me, because I'm still paying his rent, that she found magazines of "family sex" amidst the trash on the floor of their apartment - and MOW's D is apparently living with them now. I called Child Protective Services and the woman I spoke to sounded patronizing and bored. I did what I could, but it's not my own child.

I just wanted to let you know that other people have had to deal with this sick kind of behavior. My heart goes out to you. I have only just begun the actual divorce negotiations and thank God we have no children together. I only hope that my WH is not as bad as Jethro, though he may be.

You're a bright, strong, obviously attractive woman, a good mother, and a survivor. Remember, this too shall pass.

Dear Peach,

Sorry but I didn't see your update until 12:15am PST. I know it is way too late to call you but I will check back with you tomorrow.

I am sooooo sorry for what has happened. Guess Jethro needs every step spelled out. Like fill out the check with the correct amount, signature and date, put the check in the envelope, lick it, seal it, take the envelope and car keys, drive to your lawyer's office, park the vehicle, get out of the vehicle, walk to the lawyers office, calmly enter the office, deliver the sealed envelope to your lawyer's office, state his name and party this envelope is for, give it to the receptionist or secretary. Have I left anything out? Oh....yea.... turn around walk out the door but not to fast so the door can hit him on the way out.

L.

Peachy,
Sorry your saga continues...I've been keeping up with your story but I had a nosy question. You've mentioned IMs from Jethro several times - why don't you block him from your IM friends list? If he has a true emergency, he knows how to contact you. Seems like you don't need that additional method of harassment.

Anyway, was just thinking of a way to help your sanity. You seem to be doing as well as (and better than) most people in your circumstances.

The IM block is a good idea. It's been suggested before. Forget it though, she won't do it.

I have been usually blocking his IM. And only did not last night as he always after doing some stupid stunt, will blurt out something totally in contrast to his perceived motives..ie, his wishing to comply last week when this guy really thinks that he can lie or say or do anyting and that he won't get caught by courts b/c "it is impossible to enforce that order" as he wrote during IM last night.

I don't give much rope to him anymore, but when I do he hangs himself on it. '

The issues I am having trouble with are: the son thing, his nonpayment issues, his lack of bringing financial records to the negotiation table, and his utter and blatant disrespect for me.

So to distance myself at all costs is important. I control when and if I have contact with him now. Emotionally I am pretty much detached now and am focused on my healing. He can't do much more than he's already done with regard to broken vows, etc. So that's a moot point. But I am going to stand firm for my son's welfare and our financial future so we have a solid footing and a good outlook.

I think the restraining orders are a start. Then today I am again bringing up issues with son regarding the groping to attorneys as I don't believe the situation with Jehtro is good for son to be around. Think there may have to be some legal maneuvers done about this. Son is more important than anything and Jethro's done enough to this family and no more is to be tolerated. And also want either harassment charges or r.o. also placed against MFV. This will eliminate the lack of peace they caused last night.

He is having to go out of his way to torment now as I don't engage him unless it is to allow him some little bit of rope. No contact whatsoever. He had to work hard to get that audience yesterday and I am no longer permitting that to happen. It is time for the r.o. and harsh measures to be placed with regard to his emotionally hurting our child and allowing the child to see such kind of negative behavior in his own father's home.

In a way this is good. Because I am healing. I understand my anger is leading me closer to healing and that is good. Right now, we have to work fast today to ensure we get before judge tomorrow.

Ok. Ok.

I spoke with paralegal for my attorney for almost an hour today after work.

Idea is to have the social worker come over and interview son to get her opinion as her opinion has made an impact in other legal situations regarding child custody issues. She is nice and son has already met her.

We need to establish this negative situation has been placed in front of son. To show that parenting issues relating to his father, shall we say, are NON EXISTANT and damaging.

I am not taking the latest poo lying down. Nope. And I am getting ready to go for a walk with my son. Just stopped raining and it is cloudy but nice.

They spoke with Jethro's new party buddy attorney today and the guy gave "the run around" trying to say this or that to explain Jethro's behavior but it is not in compliance with the past three hearings. He is clearly out of line legally and he'd better get some soap on a rope asap!

The judge will be able to hear the case probably on friday. I also spoke with the paralegal about having a restraining order placed asap and against both Jethro and MFV. The testimony of the social worker is enough to remove children from other homes in some cases. She is well regarded by local courts here.

This is a tough fight here folks. But I am going to stand determined to win this fight for my little guy. He needs me. We are happy and very stable together. He is not exposed to negative behavior like that and let's say, should in the future well after myh divorce that I decide to "leave the convent" and get back into dating and meet Mr. Right one day, I will DAMN WELL KNOW HOW TO LOCK A DOOR OR JUST GET JIGGY WITH IT WHEN MY SON IS NOT AT HOME! My goodness. Does it take rocket science to not let our kids see this kind of behavior? It is horrid. Awful.

I can't even allow myself to think or dwell upon it because it made me violently sick this afternoon at work when I did. I love my son and he is a sweet, innocent and loving four year old. He doesn't need to see any more crap from his dad. It's bad enough having to deal with dad's women. But to see them doing sexually explicit things is far too much.

When do parents stop deciding they want to be parents? This fog stuff is so thick that it is more than clouding Jethro's judgement. It is legally slamming him up against a wall and his choices are forcing me to do what I had hoped it would not come to. I am going to petition for full custody. No weekend warrior stuff for him. IF he can't keep his (his nickname for it years ago) bo bo in his pants, then he'd damn better go get some kind of therapy or pill to help him curb his urges while my son is visiting.

And for MFV? Ok. She's a ho dog too. She is even worse almost than Monkeyho because at least monkeyho didn't propegate and expose her dirty little life to her little money. But MFV is doing just that. And my heart has bled for her little boy. He is not even three years old and must see much more than my son does of his mother's sexual exploits with men other than his daddy. It is so sad. I actually find it quite easy to pray for this child along with mine. He is innocent and did not ask for this. No child deserves to be tossed around. Bouncing between parents and lovers and seeing conflicting things. It is all against God's way of families being and it is damn wrong.

Adultery sucks because it not only breaks apart families, but its damage leaves deep scars that sometimes are not even apparent until children grow up and themselves enter into relationships. I will do everything I can to make sure my son grows up healthy and with a good sense of self and a spiritual foundation. He is a good boy and I will do everything I can for him.

I am worried about the finances too. I got really angry with my attorney and left a very sharp voice mail this morning. She had the paralegal call me (smooth me over) and it did not work. I told her that my gut said to not settle with his lawyer last week that I felt deep down he'd pull another stunt. And that I am not going back to court again to fix this, as the attorney advised me to accept opposing counsel's offer and that his new attorney "had Jethro in much more control" and that he would more than likely comply.

However, my other attorney disagreed with her later in the afternoon saying that the only thing JEthro is scared of is marring his reputation, what there is of it. I said to pull out all the stops and threaten everything to the 100000th degree as he needs the fear of God in that man.

And I have not contacted Jethro and will NOT DO SO. He emailed me today saying that "I shoudl just be grateful (incenuating that MFV is a very grateful woman--who wouldn't be grateful if a guy you weren't legally bound to spent tens of thousands on you and kept you and paid for you?). Well...maybe a woman who has her self esteem..Like me. And then he went on and said that "he didn't have the money" and that "I could see my son for a few hours on mothers' day if I drive over to Jethro's house and come and get him." I am not at all to go to Jethro's house as per the attorneys. And plus I want a restraining order.

I know that jethro is lost and when he writes me anything that it is pure fog talk. HOrribly thick and stinky fog talk. And I just disregard it like it was the ramblings of a madman. And it kinda is.

He warps and twists the truth around to always suit and justify his escapades. And they just keep getting wilder and wilder.

I am mentally and physically exhausted tonight. I am going to pray again really hard and go back to re reading a devotional book I got last year to help me through this tough time.

We're going for our rainy day walk right now so bye. Check in later.

Please pray for us. We need serious intercession from the Almighty right now.

Hi-
I've read some of your posts, and I am so sorry you are going through all of this. I have a few ideas for you to try that just might make it easier. The first thing I would do if I were you is to promise yourself you are not going to engage anymore. Not about his mistress, not about your marriage, not about anything. He LOVES it when you get upset. He loves it when you order his playmate off of your property. Just plain don't do it. You don't need to discuss anything with him. You don't need to give him rope to hang himself with. I can assure that you as soon as I realized I was giving my ex the power to continue hurting me, I realized I could stop that cycle. And you can too. You aren't doing Plan B when you show you care and that he can upset you. You don't need to give him foggy talk back, you don't need to convince him of anything. You shouldn't be surprised that he doesn't respect you, because that is just who he is. Nothing you can do will change that. I have 3 children with my ex H, and I can tell you that once I figured out that I was giving him the power to continue hurting me, it all became clear. Since that time (16 months ago) we haven't had ONE conversation that was about anything other than the kids. Was he continuing to make hideous choices? Yep! Did he have my children around OW to spend the night one day after he told them he was leaving? Yep. And guess what - there was nothing I could do. Did he try to goad me into arguments so he could make himself feel better about his terrible choices? Yep. And once he knew he couldn't do that anymore, he stopped trying. You are allowing (even empowering) his control over your life and your moods. I know you have a lot going on with court and money. You can't control those things. You need to concentrate on what you can control, and that is how you are going to allow your almost ex to affect your life. All you can do is turn it over to God first and your lawyers second. That is what God does for us, and that is what you are paying your lawyers to do. Shake yourself off, have fun with your friends and your son, and just plain don't engage. I know from experience, it makes all the difference in the world. Good luck - you are in my prayers.

You're right. I am not engaging him at all. And he does like to try to hurt me any chance he can.

I'm getting out of his way. Like the simile I made about him being like the tornadoes ripping through the state of GA this week, he is hell bent on destruction. And I am just going to get my son and I out of the way.

What I am focusing on is son and I period. Our healing. OUr good life together. And making sure he is not going to be made to be exposed to sexually explicit behavior. That I will not accept. Will have appointment with the social worker tomorrow.

My son and I had a good walk in the rain. He is so cute. We are happy together and thats what counts. Once we get the finances cleared up, life will be pretty good.

I am praying that I get the job 2 hours away. It would be best for our son. Best financially for me.

Thanks for praying for us. I am hanging tough. And I do clearly see what has happened and what's been done to us. No blinders on here. And I am no longer mourning for this marriage. It is dead. Been dead for a while. More like a rotting limb that needs amputation stat.

I am ready to move on.

Son just woke up again. Thunder is rolling in again.

Sometimes when it thunders I have a trigger. Anybody heard "Thunder Rolls" by Garth Brooks (adulterer himself)...About a man and how his wife discovers he's having an affair.

Going to get some well deserved zzz. Love you guys !

Hi NotPeachy! You and your son have been in my prayers a lot of late.
Yes, I have heard the song by G. Brooks 'The Thunder Rolls' it's an excellent one.
Here's one by Culture Beat - Mr. Vain
I think it describes ole boy Jethro B.
Peace, Harold

Mr. Vain
Culture Beat

CHORUS:
Call him Mr.Raider call him Mr.Wrong
Call him Mr.Vain
Call him Mr.Raider call him Mr.wrong
Call him Mr.vain
He'd say: i know what i want
And i want it now
I want you cause i'm Mr.Vain
I know what i want and i want it now
I want you cause i'm Mr.Vain

RAP:
Call me Mr.Raider call me Mr.Wrong
Call me insane call me Mr. Vain
Call me what ya like
As long as you call me time and again
Fell the prensence of the aura
Of the man none to compare
Loveless dying
For a just to touch a hand
Or a moment to share
Can't deny the urge that makes them
Want to lose themselves to the debonair one
Hold me back the simple fact is
That i'm all that and i'm always near
One sexy can't perplex me now
You know who's raw
As if you didn't know before
I know what I want and I want it now
I want you then I want a little more

CHORUS:
Call him Mr.Raider call him Mr.Wrong
Call him Mr.Vain
Call him Mr.Raider call him Mr.wrong
Call him Mr.vain
He'd say: i know what i want
And i want it now
I want you cause i'm Mr.Vain
I know what i want and i want it now
I want you cause i'm Mr.Vain

RAP:
Girls are all over the world
They hope and pray and die for men
Like me cause i'm the one
Begotten son that breaks the mold
Get a look at male epitome
Style has never seen
That makes you want to grab and hold
And squeeze real tight
Whose gonna be the one to save
You from yourself
When you wanna take a bite
Please oh baby please
You beg you want to stay
You got to get some caught
Up in the charm that i laid on thick
And now there's nowhere
To run on the hook of my line
Yeah i keep many females
Longing for a chance to win my heart
With sex and plenty

Peachy, can't your attorney request an order for payment to the court or to your attorney so that he can't get away with half measures and harrassment again? He's going to have a tougher time explaining a partial payment to a judge or to your representative than to you. He gets a cheap thrill out of screwing you all over again financially.

peachy,
You sound great. I know that you are probably still reeling inside but you are holding it together and well!
This above all else is driving him CRAZY! Or at least crazier than he normally is.
The stronger you are the more power he looses. And you know what, he never really had the power anyway. It was all inside of you and now it's just rolling out!

To all:

I spoke with Peach this afternoon (PST). All is not well. Current events prohibit her from posting at this time. I will post it on a separate thread in case he is watching.

Please be very careful about what you post here. While there is not current threat, change of events can happen rapidly.

Lots of fog going on over there and quite heated.

<small>[ May 07, 2003, 07:20 PM: Message edited by: Orchid ]</small>

I am ok. Was notified just minutes before I left from work there was a home invasion at my residence.

Police said they already were at home and were investigating and for me to come there asap and pick son up from school after that. We didn't want to scare him.

My next door neighbor is a new stay at home mom and caught Jethro breaking in through window to my family room off of back deck. She called 911. The police arrived within five minutes. He had maybe 10 minutes in my home.

He attempted to log onto my computer however it was already running in bkgd on work computer and he couldn't gain access. I have changed all passes/everything again.

He either was planting a device of some kind (voice activated tape or something), was retrieving it, or was trying to simply gain access to my computer files related to the divorce and my and attorney's mode to attack with.

The police arrived and attempted to sneak around the back of the house and JEthro heard them and snuck out the front but they saw him and chased him down the street. They were armed. One policeman had parked his patrol car in front of Jethro's bmw and video'd the whole thing. They caught him running and jumping into his vehicle. I had to ID him from the tape. It was sickening. I am utterly sickened. It was certainly him. No doubt whatsoever. They know the whole story.

At the least, he will be charged with running from police. He got away only moments before them and sped away very fast and the officer was unable to stop him. Moments after Jethro left, the other officers arrived on the scene. The one officer was only seconds behind him.

My neighbors came over and fixed it where he cannot gain access through windows again.

They got a partial handprint from the windows and dusted the house.

We are safe. We are ok. Are getting emergency restraining order and order of protection for son and I.

He's lost it. He is dangerous. But we are going to be safe. I have lots to do tonight and am going to call police to let them know he just tried to IM me.

The [censored] told his attorney earlier today (as told from my attorneys who are LIVID about this matter) that he was NOT EVEN IN GA TODAY. He is a confirmed sociopathic liar.

I told the police his work, cell, home and even numbers and address of where Ms. Family Values resides in case he's hiding out with her to evade officials.

He's going down. I will see to it. Only possible thing to deal with is the fact we are not yet legally divorced, although we've been apart over a year and a half.

Some legal issues when spouses are still legally married but we have standing orders in place since last year and I filed in Jan. of 02 for second time for divorce.

I want you to PRAY FOR OUR SAFETY AND PROTECTION TONIGHT PLEASE! I MAY NOT BE ABLE TO SIGN ON AS i HAVE TO HAVE ACCESS TO MY PHONES. Also, I will talk to some buddies from here and they can post for us and will let you guys know we are safe.

Please, please pray for us. And also pray that justice is served. That Jethro indeed goes to jail as he is a criminal now.

I would have never believed this to happen. Never. But he is losing at this and will stop at nothing to win.

Just remember when dealing with adulterers and those lost in fog that they are totally out of control sometimes. They have lost touch with their souls and their consciences. Remember that.

And please keep us in your prayers.

I can't deny that I am indeed frightened. But I will do everything to keep me and my boy safe.

In God's hands ..... my prayer for you!

Poor NotPeachy. You DEFINITELY are in my prayers tonight! I'm sorry this has happened to you. Best place for ole boy JB is in JAIL and I hope he goes there and they throw away the key.
Lord bless you and your precious son also.
Harold

((((((Peachy and son)))))) This is extremely bizarre behavior and leans towards pyschopathic. Never in my wildest dreams have I ever considered my FormerWH (or so I'm led to believe) as being dangerous. It boggles my mind to contemplate the crazy situation that you are enduring with your STBX. Obviously, he is NOT in his "right mind." Either this man has a serious drug problem or he has a severe mental disorder. Either way.....gain whatever protection you can through the legal channels. He seems to have cooked his goose with this incident of absurd behavior.

I continue to pray for you, your son and your family during your most dismal hours. Please know that you have many faceless folks here at MB who care about you and your situation. You are not alone in this nightmare. Know that God will prevail.