My wife (at the time) and I divorced because not only had she been cheating on me, and it came out in the church, but she continued to lie to me even after I had proof. Now I find that she's lying about me to her "friends", people that she doesn't think I will ever speak to, and she is turning people against me by doing so. Now I can't say that I'm shocked that she's attempting to do this. But how common is this? What is a bit disheartening however is that people are believing her and attacking me without even showing any interest in letting me explain. ARRRRRRGHHHHHHH. These are people that I do not want to be at odds with and must bear the burden of tactfully approaching as they think that I have abandoned my family. I wanted my kids, but the courts would not give them to me. That was not my choice. So.. can anyone relate to going through something like this?

That cheating lying scum bag - WAIT.... I'm talking about my X not yours. But in response to your question I think that's prbably common. I've been divorced for almost 2 years and less than two months ago I got wind that my X had been continueing to spread the rumors that our marriage broke up because I was having an affair with so and so. Oh yeah, and that I was on drugs.

Wait a minute, who's shacking up with the man she was having the affair with and who is into group sex and who has had SRS complaits filed against her.

Weigh that against who is living a sexless life, who is the youth leader at the church, who heads up the youth group...... and on and on

I don't mention it and don't really care anybody that matters can judge the truth through her lies.

You don't have to tell me about lying. My STBXW also denied everything until the proof was practically put in front of her face. That and when she was under oath during the deposition and in court. She has a great 'poker' face. A few weeks ago she was trying to provide some accountability about something and she looked me in the eye and said, "Why do I get the feeling you don't believe a word I am saying?" It took all of my energy to control myself and to keep from laughing out loud.

I have no idea what my WW is telling other people about our situation. I'm pretty sure she isn't telling them everything. We still live in the same house and by all outward appearances, we don't look any different as a family than pre-d-day 1. My in-laws, whom I thought I could count on for support, don't talk with me anymore and tend to call and talk with her during the hours I tend to be away at work. My FIL outright said that my W is his daughter and he will do everything he can to support her. Even my parents don't believe everything I've told them. My mother still thinks I must have also had an A or done something nearly as bad because I never went around bad-mouthing my WW. She said that she'll wait to hear how the court rules before she decides whether or not I have been telling the truth.

I've found that I just can't get too upset about what people know or don't know. Most of our family friends around here don't care one way or another, they just want to make sure the kids are taken care of. I go around thinking that I really want people to know 'how I was wronged' but it really doesn't do any good to dwell on it.

Live your life in the best possible manner. I understand you didn't get primary custody of your children but be there for your kids all of the time. Follow what they are doing in school and in their other activities. Tell others about your kids. Ask others for advice when difficult parenting issues come up. Even if your XW has lied to people about what happened, eventually your actions will reflect your true character.

HoFS

<small>[ June 03, 2003, 03:09 PM: Message edited by: HofFenceSitter ]</small>

Sounds like me, dude. BTW, your ex doesn't live in Alaska, does she? I am sorry this is happening to you. My ex-wife did the exact same thing to me. Funny thing is - it's been 5 years and she is still acting the same STOOPIT vindictive TRIFLING way. What, me worry? Nope.
"Live well - it's really the best revenge."
Harold

Not Alaska, Oregon.