Cinderella,

You could try that..and see how it goes..or maybe you could try to sit down and talk to them..

but it's apparent they don't have the same values and convictions you do, so they may not understand
or agree..and only push her further away from you
because dad is SOOO liberal and allows her to wear
whatever she wants..and do whatever she wants..

I have a question..knowing your a Christian, have you began letting her go? by that I mean, have you began to trust and let God work in her life??

Allowing Him to be the Godly Male influence her dad isn't, and you can't be, because you can't be both father and mother..

Are there any strong Christian men or older teens at your church she looks up to and respects, that you could enlist their help to share the virtues of a Godly woman with her? Maybe talk to the director of teen ministries..and see if they could take her under their wing and help?

My son is 8, and he just loves spending time with my teenage nephew..so my sister sat down with her son and shared with him about the influence he has on his cousin..and how he look up to him..and asked him- what does HE want to teach his cousin about God and how to treat others??

My nephew has taken on this challenge and tries to spend one afternoon a week with my son, usually Sunday afternoons when the girls are at church for one of their functions..and they do what they see as 'guy' things playing games, swimming, fishing, praying and talking..my son loves these days..they make HIM feel important that his cousin makes time for him..and he's learning how to pray..and how to be a godly male..
something my nephew learned from his own father..

So again, maybe you can ask someone in your church if they can do something like that for your daughter--

Oh Cindy,
You will never guess what my 6 yr old tried to do this morning. W/ a shirt. But, she tried to SNEAK the prohibited shirt on the outside of the one picked out for school. I dodn't tell her how she might have gone about it differently to get away w/ it. All in due time, right?

So, when you figure out what to do w/ you D would you be so kind as to come over to my house and deal w/ my D?

Can you believe it?

And, she just happens to have come home from e a visit to her mother's the night before.

Go figure!

Can't help but laugh.

xo
Hypatia

My neighbors had this problem with their daughter. (I don't have any myself, so I'm not good for advice).

Her 14 year old was going to school dressed inappropriately. They told her that they were going to inspect her entire bag every morning, her mom checked her clothing. They warned her that the next time so decieved them, the mother was going to go to school with her, AND STAY for the morning! To insure that the kid did not change into bad clothing.

She didn't believe her parents, and eiiiiii!

So the girl tried it, (her mom had talked to the school about this ahead of time), and her mom made her change, got on the school bus with her, and went to class w/ her.

Needless to say, everytime I see the girl now, she's dressed appropriately. Her mom said next time she dresses badly, the mom will stay at school all day. *LOL*

I've been pondering what to do. First of all, I can't believe I caught her. Talk about getting lucky.

What I think I will do is write her a letter. Share it with her counselor and email her father and stepmother their own copies of it.

I will tell her that I am disappointed that she would attempt to deceive me. That I reserve the right to search her bag any time. That I reserve the right to check her clothing anytime. And that I am returning the pants to her father. She may not bring them to my house. I recommend they attempt to exchange them as I do not consider the way the clothing fits to be appropriate for school. That the look is to sexually oriented (I do not expect her to understand this but x and his w should). That they do not convey the image I would hope that she, as a Christian would want to convey. (If they were not so skin-tight I would not object to these pants as long as the shirt overlapped the waistband suitably.)

I think that the father, stepmom, and counselor would all have a lot to say to her about her behavior.

I think we need to go back to blue jeans from the Salvation Army, Goodwill, or another thrift store where you won't always find the latest fashion. If you shop carefully you can get great jeans for under $8 per pair - I've had all sorts of designer jeans from there.

Cinderella,

What did you decide about the homework issue???

We will probably do a sheet her teachers are asked to sign on Fridays saying all homework is done. She lost the computer for a week. I have got to get settled down to business on checking her agenda/planner each night and seeing the assignments.

But, I am not above letting her make her own nest. I sat back and let her get an F first 6-weeks last year. The second 6 weeks she had a B or maybe C, I think a b, in that subject and nothing but an A or B after that.

She knows that she has to have good grades to get into either of our local academic magnets. And there is only so much I can do about those grades.

Cinderella,

I did the sheets with my daughter, and they didn't work, many times the teachers were so busy
they didn't have time to sign the papers--not only did my daughter tell me that but the teachers confirmed it..it was very frustrating..

The hardest yet, most peaceful year I had was when I stopped checking to see if my daughter got her assignments done..she was about the same age as your daughter now..

I say hardest because I want my daughter to do well in school..and didn't think she could do it without my pushing her..then God taught me that as a Christian, she is His child too..and I needed to step back and let Him work--which is what Boundaries or Tough Love, is really all about..stepping back and allowing others face their own consequences..even if it means watching your child fail and not get into the "best magnet school"--and then being there for them to help them learn from their mistakes..

And it also may mean, realizing our plans for our kids, my not be God's plans..or understanding, it may take her failing a year in school for her to understand the hard work and commitment that will be required by her in a Magnet school--and also to help prepare her for life..

are you going to be there to remind her to do an assignment her boss gives her? or get her up for work every morning? these are things she's going to need to learn..

Sometimes we as parents want them to stay little as long as possible, but we need to realize that is what the teen and growing up years are all about..teaching our kids these life lessons while they are still at home with us--so we can be there for them along the way and they feel safe if they fail or make mistakes, to teach them, like your doing, their clothes don't make them who they are..but that wearing certain types of clothing others may get the wrong impression..
not that it really matters, as what truly matters is what God thinks--and would the clothes she chooses to wear honor God? So maybe propose it to her that way...is what she wears honoring to the Lord?