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Joined: May 2003
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I thought that after the divorce was final I could accept things better. But I can't. I have so many emotions going on in me that I feel like I'm losing control.

I'm anry, I'm sad, I'm resentful and the list goes on and on.

ExH was suppose to have the kids yesterday. Went to his aunt's house to wait for him and his mother. Well he showed up with the WHORE! (Sorry guys but that's my nick name for her!) I was so anry. I feel like he's rubbing it in my face and could care less about my feelings. And just has no compassion.

I left calmly but mad. And maybe 30 min later I called him that I was picking up my 9 mo. old daughter. It killed me to know that she was carrying her and "playing mommy" with my daughter. Ex was not happy and made a comment, You'll hear from my lawyer. I felt so much relief when I had her back.

Why can't he understand? Why can't he put himself in my shoes and think about it. Think about how it would make him feel.

I know we are divorced but the whore had a big part in us divorcing. I've told him before that I will never accept her and not to expect me to either.

Somebody give me some advice.

After the divorce was final, I've noticed that I've cried more and feel like it all just happened. Nights are the worst. I lie in bed crying, thinking about him, us, our kids, being a family. And I just don't get it, I don't understand.

I feel like I've been putting up a good front. Everybody has been telling me how good I look, how upbeat I've been considering the divorce. But inside I feel like I'm dying. I feel like my life is empty. I'm sad, extremely sad but now one knows it. I would give anything to just have him love me the way he use to. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

<small>[ December 08, 2003, 09:21 AM: Message edited by: STBXWife ]</small>

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Wow. I just posted a thread just like this a moment ago. Substitute [censored] for Whore and you pretty much have my story including the emotional parts. I sure wish I could give you some advice right now, but I don't know how to handle all this either. The most I can say is I sure hope better things are on the way for you and you start to feel better.

Roger

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((((((((((Stbxwife)))))))))))))))

This statement hit a nerve-
"I'm sad, extremely sad but no one knows it."
I feel the same way and I wish I could help you with some great advice but I can't. All I can say is your feeling are just how I feel and if misery loves company then I'm your company. You are not alone in this.

TIME, TIME and some more TIME. Do you go to a therapist or support group? I do both and it does help, I also was on anti-depressants. I will do anything to get past this awful time. Just know we all care and I will be your shoulder to cry on.

Please take care of yourself!!

LJ

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I felt the same way for awhile.......my EX dumped me for a married guy.....whom promised to be with her and take care of her. He never left his wife. Im doing very well now, remarried and enjoying life again. The EX?....... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

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Just Roger- Thank you! I hope things will get better too. It's been over a year and the pain is still there. I'm sorry you're here also.

LJ- Thanks for the hug. Very much needed! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

StartinOver- I do hope one day I can be TRUELY HAPPY again, they way you seem to be now!

Thanks everybody.

You would think that after a year it gets easier but sometimes the pain is still unbearable. Sometimes I think if it really is possible to die of a broken heart. My ex broke my heart.

It's sad because I miss all the simple things about having him around. I miss laughing with him. I miss lying in bed with him and just talking. I miss the way we use to cuddle on the couch to watch tv.

There's so much that I miss about him. I miss the companionship, I miss being a family. I just miss him.

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You are crying because you are grieving the loss of the marriage. With a new baby, you might not have had the time to grieve fully. Allow yourself to grieve now, and that will help you heal. Yes, it hurts, but it's the only way to get healthy. In the long run, it will help you deal with all the issues of divorce, especially the anger.

Please get a counselor or a support group to help you through this.

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(((((((STBXWife))))))))

Your post just breaks my heart. I wish I had words of comfort for you.

Don't ever forget that God loves you and he is always with you. Seek Him for comfort.

You're in my prayers!

H98

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Thank you so much H98.

Yesterday was just horrible. To watch him get out of the car with her and watch him hold her hand as they walked up to the house was just too much for me. I felt sick to my stomach and actually threw up when I left. I wish he had a little more compassion. I wish he could understand how I feel. He knows how I feel, he knows that I love him deeply but I feel like he could care less. And yesterday he just proved to me how much he doesnt care.

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Sorry about your situation.

The label "whore" tells us - at least it tells ME - a lot. Also, "Sorry guys, that's what I call her" . You APOLOGIZED for using the term because you know it's fundamentally NOT correct, not to mention the fact that it is inappropriate in this context.

Huh?

Do you truly believe this woman to be a WHORE? Or is that just a label you are using to make yourSELF feel better?

I trust it's the latter.

It's important to make this distinction because I believe what you are suffering from is anger, which is, in your case, a derivative of jealousy. Because at the end of the day, who REALLY cares that your EX is with a new woman? Does it even matter that he brings her to his aunt's? Is that REALLY a sin worthy of your wrath? What would you tell a girlfriend who told you the same? You'd say, "Girl, why are you so worried about that man still? Let him go. He aint worth your time." And that would be that.

Well I would tell you the same here. And I submit to you that in your heart you know your EX is simply moving on and probably just as tired of the drama and pain as you are. He doesn't have an agenda to KEEP hurting you. He owes you NOTHING. Your marriage is OVER.

Now MOVE ON and stop being a basketcase. Let everyone, including you beautiful children, have some PEACE and stop thinking about your own selfishness and anger.

My perception, based on your post, is that you're self-absorbed right now and judgmental. You're misdirecting your anger.

Try to direct your anger elsewhere, like into helping people who are less fortunate. Go serve food this Sunday at your church or elsewhere (and ask God's forgiveness for using such hateful terms to describe people)

Look, before you can be any good to yourself OR other people, you need to move out of the glass house you're in. Specifically, you need to move North of "Hate Street" where labeling people with hateful names is the norm and over to Hope Ave. where you have some faith in God and his plan for you.

Much prayers and peace,


me

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What planet is HighRize from? Dont listen to that clown.....you have the right to be upset and its not as cut and dry as HR makes it seem. Its gonna take you awhile to heal........honestly, I would be pissed also.....I read your story and its CLEAR your EX only cared about himself and does NOT love you. You should be happy this guy is gone......now he is OW problem. My wife now was married to a self absorbed guy like you and he is married now for the 3rd time......the guy was a jerk and treated my wife like dirt......NOW he is his new wifes problem. I told my wife that I guarantee her EX will eventually dump on ol girl.........tigers dont change their stripes. He cheated on his first wife, my wife and he will more than likely cheat on his new wife. God Bless her......she is gonna need it. Hang in there and keep your head up. I promise all will get better and you will eventually be happier than ever! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

<small>[ December 08, 2003, 04:28 PM: Message edited by: StartinOver ]</small>

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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Now MOVE ON and stop being a basketcase. Let everyone, including you beautiful children, have some PEACE and stop thinking about your own selfishness and anger. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">BASKETCASE! No, I don't think so!

MY OWN SELFISHNESS! How the heck am I being selfish.

Yes I'm angry. VERY ANGRY. And EXTREMELY HURT! More than you can even imagine!

I was 5 months pregnant when I found out that my husband was having an affair. We planned the pregnancy. He left me a month later. When I gave birth to our daughter he was there physically but not emotionally. I stayed in the hospital by myself while he was spending Valentines day with the WHORE! And I couldn't cry becuase I didn't want the nurses to ask what was wrong. I kept it all in.

I'm not asking for PITY! I'm asking for comforting words, I'm asking for a shoulder to cry on.

Do I have reason to be mad. I think so. And I still am.

June, then my WH says he still loved me wanted to work things out and feed me all these lines that pulled at my heart stings and I believed him. I believed we could work things out. To end up just divorcing.

So yes I have a lot of anger and resentment. And you know what this is the place I can let it all out. And I will continue to do so.

Moving on is easier said than done. And I'm not at that place right now but hopefully will be SOON.

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STBXW,
You have every right to be sad, mad, what ever the emotion you are feeling. Too bad we can't just shut them off.

Keep counseling, and maybe check into anti-deps. With the Holidays coming , that is a lot of extra stress.

Take care of yourself, eat, sleep, exercise.

Adice given to me was to just focus on the next thiing your are doing, don't think about next week, this week, tommorrow or even tonite. Just keep focused on what your are doing now and in the next 5 mins. Keep your brain occupied.

It does get better, but unfortunetly it just takes time.

Hang in!

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I am kinda outraged at the person...high rize...who called this woman a "basketcase".

Insensitive and cruel.

I believe in calling things as they are..truthfully..and there are some instances in life where one doesn't have to be politically correct or wanna just love the whole darn world. For example...Saddam Hussein is a maniac. Yea, I said the word Maniac. And it's true. Our former Prez Clinton is a liar and a womanizer...Yea, I said that too. And a woman/man who breaks up a family for their own selfish purposes is either a whore or a [censored]. Sorry. That's the truth.

Any person who has endured the hell of having their family break apart is not a "basket case". Basket cases do stupid things like making rationalizations for horrible things like adultery and divorce and spousal abuse. This woman fought to keep her family together and did a damn good job.

She, just like myself and others here said one day enough is enough and we filed for divorce. Just because papers are signed and the ink has finally dried on them doesn't mean we will ever accept or want to just pretend to be cool with the whole thing. I am healed and doing well. But does it mean that my x and his pregnant whore is anything less than a liar, beater, abuser, and her a stupid, golddigging whore? Nope. It is what it is. I spent two years of my life trying to make somebody aspire to being someone they are not. And it will be funny when the golddigger finds out he's not prince charming. Sad for the child, but not for her. StBXwife is here to get support and to work on HERSELF. She knows it is over, but she hurts still the same.

Why do we have to be politically correct? Why? I say no. Do we need more liars in this world? Heck no. Do we need more fog in this world? Heck no. Do we need more people to just "suck it up" and pretend not to label adultery and cruelty in marriage as "moving on"? I don't get it. I am and have moved on but I am not going to sell out and pretend that whay my x did was right or in any way morally justified.

As for me, I shall not sell out.

Life is what it is. People are what they are. And their actions prove it.

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BASKETCASE!

Well of course you are. How could you even CONCERN yourself with such a RAT of a man who would cheat on you while you were pregnant with his child???????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!? How could you let such a SCOUNDREL consume you for even another millisecond of your time????

Do yourself and EVERYONE a favor and REDIRECT your ENERGY. Lose the anger. Don't be so hateful. Forgive him... yes.... as JESUS would do. You're not perfect..... are you? Maybe you are. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Let it go. RISE above this confused and pitiful man.

He doesn't deserve you or your pity.

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STBWife, I just want you to know that many of us care for you. I ache for you and understand how much grief you must feel to know that this OW is playing mommie with your little ones. I would be dying inside myself. This woman will NEVER be their mommie...no matter how much she might pretend.

I have teenagers dealing with seeing their father replace me in his life and now his bed. Their father wants them to be involved in his upcoming marriage with the OW. My ex told our sons that the OW does not want to take over my role, however her behavior indicates otherwise.
Regardless..I know that these OWs are fake through and through..with no love for our children..just for themselves. My children see it and yours will also..

God be with you and your babies...Rhonda

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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by HighRize:
<strong> BASKETCASE!

Well of course you are. How could you even CONCERN yourself with such a RAT of a man who would cheat on you while you were pregnant with his child???????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!? How could you let such a SCOUNDREL consume you for even another millisecond of your time????

Do yourself and EVERYONE a favor and REDIRECT your ENERGY. Lose the anger. Don't be so hateful. Forgive him... yes.... as JESUS would do. You're not perfect..... are you? Maybe you are. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Let it go. RISE above this confused and pitiful man.

He doesn't deserve you or your pity. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Everything after BASKETCASE makes sense.......but, basketcase does not. What this lady is going through is normal emotions, nothing more or less.

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I'm feeling so much better today. I have so many ups and downs, I feel like I can't control my emotions.

I just wish I could have a good cry. But I just feel like I can't. I'm living with my parents and I can't. My parents worry about me or just get upset. I'm holding in a lot of emotions. I sometimes just want to let them all out. Bed time is the only time I have to be alone with my thoughts and it' when I do my crying, silently, not wanting to wake up my parents.

I remember one day in summer I had no where to go and I just wanted to be alone and cry, I went to the storage unit where I have all my furniture and I sat in there and just cried. Thank god I rent a climate controlled unit!
(I live in southern Texas where it gets HOT!!)

I often wonder if my Ex ever cried at all about losing us. I know I shouldn't concern myself about him but I do wonder about that. I wonder if he ever felt an ounce of the pain and loss that I've felt. I guess God only knows.

Thanks everybody!


RWD- Thank you so much for the advice and am taking it. Trying to keep from my mind running wild!

Justpeachy- THANK YOU!

StartinOver- Yes, highrize is a clown and ignoring him! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> Thank you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Texmexgal- I know my kids only have one mommy, and it's ME. It just hurts. My kids are so little they just don't understand.

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STBXWife,

I really feel your tears. I have cried many times over the breakup of my family and sometimes it feels good to get it out of your system. I know how your heart must be breaking and it feels like there is no hope in sight...I feel the same way too. I am going to one of my children's school concerts tonight and I know the miserable [censored] will be there with my slut wife. It makes me sick just thinking of them together, that and the whole package of Oreos I just ate. From what these nice people have said, I think we just have to take care of ourselves (apart from the Oreos) and work our way through the pain. I don't know from experience that this will work, but I think from what the others have said we can.

I'll be thinking of you tonight and hoping you are ok. Peace be with you.

Roger

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STBXW,
Just checking up on you, how are you doing today? I feel your pain and wish I had magical fairy dust. Wouldn't that be great! I'd sprinkle it all over us. Hugs to you.
LJ

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STBXW,

Adding my sympathy to the others..... many nights and days with consumed thoughts of this matter.... Actually seeing ROM with my daughters trying to win their affection. Mainly from the aspect that he thinks it will help him win XW's affection also.

It sucks to see it and believe me it is hard to get past..... The anger, the hurt, the pain are normal. It has been two years for me, first knowing about OM and then being divorced a year. I find counseling is a bandaid, divorce groups are a bandaid...... As Newly said, it is basically the time of mourning the marriage and divorce that you have to get through.

A good book that I have found helps me is "Surviving Infidelity" and is actually written by two Women from my area (DC). There are some good exercises in there that will help you get this out, will help you look at new direction, and will help you build your self esteem again....

Again it is a bandaid.....so each bandaid is actually an occupation... An occupation of your time in different involvements to get your mind busy and to mask the thoughts. Per SI make a schedule to set aside 1 hour to grieve each night. Get out the exercises, look at the past ones you have done and rewrite any new thoughts...

Every so slightly and what seems to be a long long time you will start to see and feel change...

You have every right to feel angry, to grieve, and to want it to go away.... You are human....as we all are.... and you are not alone....

<small>[ December 10, 2003, 08:57 AM: Message edited by: GSN ]</small>

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