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Joined: Feb 2004
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It is truly amazing (and tragically sad) how familiar all these stories are! I've lurked for a few weeks now, but this is my first new post.

I too got the "I love you but I'm not in love with you" proclamation from my H of 8 years (our son was just 13 months old at the time). He started a relationship with a woman at work, and three years later - one year after divorce is final - they are still together. He told me recently that he intends to propose to her soon; he wanted to give me a "heads up." Isn't he a hell of a guy for thinking of my feelings?!!!

I try to be a grown up about it all, but it makes me very sad still. I'm dealing with it, no major drama lately outside the pending nuptials. But it all still makes me very sad. I'm trying to stop loving him because he has clearly moved on. I didn't want the divorce at all, and it's been harder for me.

According to exH, there was always something missing from our relationship, even before we got married. From the beginning he says now that he felt more friendship than romance, more comfort than passion. He fooled me, I guess. I really believe we could have made it work, or at least he could have tried harder for us and for our son. Now he says he found true love. Whatever.

The worst of it for me now is the sense of betrayal; I feel literally cheated. He took all the passion, love and tenderness I wanted/missed/deserved all the years we were together - the things I was promised and entitled to as his wife - and he gave them all to someone else. I know I was far from perfect, but I loved him totally. I wanted all those things from him, and I wanted to return them. He never let me while we were married, and it bugged me but I thought he just wasn't comfortable showing his emotions or demonstrative with his feelings. We were in MC for months trying to fix this, among other minor problems, when he finally just blurted out he wasn't attracted to me at all, he thought of me as his sister, and that is why our sex life was never very fulfilling. He felt trapped, cornered, DEADENED in this relationship and had to get out.

Deadened. He actually told me he felt deadened inside, trapped and miserable married to me. I still tear up a little at that. It wasn't until later that I found out he wasn't just unhappy at home, he had traded up. The rejection was staggering.

I'm not sure why I'm going on about this tonight. The thought of him getting married again, I suppose. I don't hate him, he's a good man. He's a good father, and even the OW/future stepmother is good to my son and he adores her (that is a whole other kind of sad. He'll come home and talk about how she's so fun and "pretty like Snow White." Ugggg. I just smile and say that's nice). I'm glad they get along and that she's good to him - but it's tough when he asks me as I tuck him into bed when does he get to see "Miss Julia" again.

If I'm totally honest, I'd have to say that from what I can tell exH is happier now than I've ever seen him. Certainly less tense and withdrawn than when we were together. We've fallen into a business partner/co-parenting plan that seems to work for everyone. Everyone is happy, except me.

I will be, I'm sure. I've tentatively started to date again, but my heart isn't really in it yet. I keep busy with work, my son and other activities, too. I'll survive this too. Just for tonight though, divorce SUCKS.

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As far as the something missing from your relationship claim and the more friendship than romance claim, attribute it to the "fog". They work so hard at re-writing history to justify their actions to alleviate their guilt. My XW did admit to truly loving me before, so statements to the contrary are pure fog.

As far as marrying the OP...

My WS mother married the OP who became my step-father. The greener grass soon was found to be growing on top of a sewer. It was a dead marriage for umpteen years after about the first year; a marriage of convenience. My mother was miserable. My dad never had a clue. He thought she was happy. They put on a good show when their X is around.

I guess that was lucky for me in the end, twisted though it may be. My WS XW married the OM. I knew exactly what to do. Getting custody of my daughter was number one. I have primary custody and work to keep things 50/50 with my XW. At least I haven't been robbed of that. During the few times I see my XW each year it looks like she's going out of her way to LOOK happy. I don't think she is. I also have some interesting information from the OM's XW. They never had sex during their entire 4 year marriage, not even on their wedding night. His XW says he's weird. I guess so. In the end, I don't think my XW is happy, but hey, she chose that course.

My brother's XW cheated on him too. The OM lasted about 3 months living with her before it fell apart. My brother recently bumped into him at a bar and they talked things out. The guy said he was sorry and that my brother was right about everything he told the guy about her. My brother bought him a beer. I'm happy that my brother has closure with that.

My heart was ripped out, but it has now scared over for the most part. I do get angry/emotional at times. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.

The upside is that I've had more time to pursue a new career that I love and have had time to find out incredible things about myself. I do wish that finding a new mate will come sooner than later, but I guess that will take care of itself when I've got my act together.

So remember, the grass is greener on top of a sewer and a marriage built on quicksand will eventually crumble when weight is put on it. Fantasyland will soon close.

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My ex WH married the OW five months after our divorce. My ex WH had told me prior to his big wedding day that their divorce attorney (they used the same one and I hope they got a package deal) had advised them to wait at least a year before getting married. I wonder why my ex went against the advise of his own attorney, but in the end it just proves to me that he is deep in the fog and has lost all common sense.

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I put this on the infidelity forum almost 4 years ago for everyone. It was helpful to me. Hope this helps.

These are the exerpts from the book Private Lies by Frank Pittman.. Chapt. 13..
THE DEFECTS OF ROMANTIC 2ND MARRIAGES..
1) The intervention of Reality: Divorce in these marriages tends to take place very early in the marriage. During th affair, the infidel and perhaps the affairee are in a state of intensely stimulating unreality. The second marriage itself seems to be a swithc that throws the lights on and illuminates the mess that has accumulated. It is as if the romance had seemed real, while the divorce didnt. Only after the remarriage did the divorce become real enough for the lovers to see that it was all a horrible mistake. The affairs that become marriages typically were so intense they were never questioned at all. During the divorce, reality never set in sufficiently to let the romance be evaluated and questioned. The romance was so romantic on one ever got around to asking if it was sane.
2) Guilt.. People who have wrecked a family have inflicted much pain, and they have a lot they could feel guilty about. As reality sets in, they see many things they were overlooking. They may have felt no guilt during the affair and divorce, and the guilt they feel after the romantic marriage may come as a suprise to both of them. It is generally assumed that people who dont permit themselves to be happy must be feeling guilty about somethingm and are unhappy as a way of punishing themselves for their misdeeds. One aspect of guilt is the rluctance to enjoy ones ill-gotten gains. Another aspect of guilt is the urge to return to the scene of the crime and in some way make amends. As a romantic newlywed resists the joys of the ex-mate who was deserted so blitheyly, the new mate can feel disoriented and betrayed.

3) Disparity of sacrifice... Divorces are expensive luxuries. Whatever the financial cost, the emotional cost is far greater. Anyone after losing that much, will be drained, exhausted and depressed. It is particularly difficult when the exhausted survivor of a debilitating divorce marries the triumphant winner of the struggle. If the romantic partner is marrying for the first time, and especially if the courtship has been treacherous and insecure, the new mate will be ecstatic. A new couple may feel a disparity in what had to be sacrificed to bring them together. The partner who has never been divorced may have difficulty understanding the complexity of emotions toward the previous family.

4) Expectations.. Then there is the feeling that anything that cost this much emotionally had damn well better be worth it. The greater the sacrifices, the greater the expectations from the new marriage. Now that the promised land has been reached, it should flow with milk and honey. But instead, the new couple are just 2 tired warriors with no fight left in them. Whatever these people were expecting, the best they are likey to find now is the ordinariness of real life, the dubious peace between glorious battles. The more people enjoy the battles involved in wrecking and escaping marriages, the less they are likely to enjoy the business as usual of the new marriage that was the destination of it all.

5) General Distrust of Marriage.. Of course, anyone who has been unhappily married is likely to develop a strong distrust of the institution of marriage. People whose marriages fell apart during affairs are likey to end up distrusting marriages rather than distrusting affaris. People who distrust marriage have a vey hard time being in one.
6) Distrust of affairee..It might seem appropriate for someone to go out with them, or even to marry them, but not quite appropriate for someone to have an affair with them. Affairs are considered dishonerable acts, and peope who feel guilty for having affairs believe that they are dishonorable and their partner must be dishonorable too.
7) Divided Loyalties..During the affair tnd the divorce, the romantic couple isolate themselves. It is not only the betrayed spouses who are erased from awareness, but also the children, the families, friends, anyone who attempts to pull the romantic couple from the quicksand of their affair. But after the remarriage, there may be a longing to reestablish connections with families and friends and this may be more difficult than expected. Each close relationship and some that were amazingly casual may have to be renegotiated in view of the hurt caused to others.
8) The nature of infidels.... People who get themselves into affairs have some specific characteristics that must influence the course of their subsequent marriages. Each kind of infidel is different. Most of those who end up marrying an affair partner are romatics who drift hypnotically through this romantic high without taking much responsibility. Romantic remarriage seldom works, not only because of th unrealistic nature of romance, but also because of the reality-avoiding nature of romantics.
9)The nature of affairees.... Affairees want whatever they want from a relationship, jsut as everyone else does, but what makes them unusual is that they seek their goals among the married rather than the single. They choose partners who are not in position to marry them, and who are engaging in the relationship at great risk. People like this are clearly angry with marriage, and perhaps with the opposite sex. They believe marriage doesnt work, and they demonstrate that by breaking up another marriage as they find a partner for themselves.
10) Romance.. People who believe in the chemistry of romance dont bother to learn much about the physics of relationships. When the romance begins to fade, romantics know little about how to solve those problems that they have relied on romance to transcend. It is painful to watch a romantic relationship dissolve. It happens so suddenly, and so totally. These people have alredy demonstrated that they would rather get divorced than learn physics, so it is far easier for them to follow the same pattern.
11) Scapegoating of cuckolds... During the affair and divorce, the romantic couple conspired to convince each other that the defective marriage was the fault of the cuckold. To acknowledge otherwise, now that remarriage has taken place, seems a betrayal of the rescue fantasies that fed the romance.
12) Unshared history... Even if the new marriage survives all of these obstacles, there is one further characteristic of all second marriages: The absence of a shared history that brings familiarity torelationships that began earlier in life. If a romantic marriage has wrecked a previous marriage or two, the history of the relationship is painful to both partners, and possibly somewhat embarrasing to others. The new partners keep thinking about it and justifying it, but it is hard to talk about lightly, in the familiar, safe manner of people who can tell their old war stories without guilt. However intense their commitment, people who share a guilty past arent totally rpoud of their new marriage.


Ok.... i did it.. hope it helps everyone!!

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I wanted to add a little more to the above post. In the book it talks about statistics of marriages that take place as the result of an affair. The book sites that less than 5 percent of these marriages work out. The above is all the reasons why they do not work out.

For anyone that remembered me from back in the day my old screen name was Mickey65. I was a regular poster when I went through my husbands first affair. The book surviving an affair was extremely valuable to me. It did help me save my marriage. If my husband would have quit having affairs after our first recovery we would still be staying married today.

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Hi,
My ex married his the OW. I got the exact same thing from him. He never "really" loved me. Funny but I distinctly remember him chasing me down one night when I had had it with him telling me I was the best thing that had ever happened to him. That among about a millon other things, cards, letters declaring his love until he had to justify his actions. I had initially moved away after the divorce but then decided to move back home where "they" were. I missed my life. Soon after I returned I began hearing things about them. It seemed that whenever I went out someone made it a point to come up and tell me how he was so unfaithful to her and how she just puts up with it. Funny that he wasn't such a sleeze bag when we were together. As a matter of fact, he broke out in hives when he started cheating on me with her. I don't mean just one person telling me this. Anyone that I see that knows we use to be married makes it a point to tell me this. Even when they didn't know us together. She left her 6 year old son and husband to be with my ex. I think they stay together now because they feel that that is what they deserve. I don't know. Maybe they are ok with their arrangment. I was even the supervisor at work of their next-door-neighbor and she didn't know that I was his ex wife. She use to say things about them without ever knowing who I was. I never told her. If they are happy ... that's for them. But not for me. I know that I could/would never choose to live like that for any reason. I want more from love.

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My x married her om 10 months after our divorce(on our son's birthday). They divorced 16 months later as he went back to his x who he had left for my w. They were together a little over 3 yrs.

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My ex-H has not married the OW. They have been engaged since Feb 14, 2002, over 2 years now.

My secret hopes are that they will marry. I feel it's fitting and maybe a bit of poetic justice. Pre-separation and during the affair, my then H told me he felt like he was in jail. So I feel if they marry he will trade jail for prison, hopefully a life sentence.

She, the OW, started cheating on my ex-H, unbeknownst to him, the first year they moved in together. I was VERY surprised to learn this, because I really thought she loved him. <sigh>

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<small>[ February 27, 2004, 01:38 PM: Message edited by: Resilient ]</small>

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Very interesting topic...I could have completely expected these responses.

My divorce papers were signed by judge on Dec. 26 of last year and my xh eloped with OW2 (there were two OW)within 2 weeks.

I too got the "ILYBNILWY" speech. Justification after justification. One day I checked off in the book "Love Must Be Tough" by Dobson each "justification" my x gave me that Dobson cites as "classic excuses" in the book. I had almost been given all of them. I wish somebody could post them here..real eye openers.

Anyway...I think my xh would have played the field alot more. Originally he was sleeping with two OW...First one, the one he claims is his "soul mate", dumped him. She lived in my same hometown back in TN. We moved to GA and I guess he couldn't be faithful to either me or to OW1 so he started sleeping around with OW2...

Anyway, OW1 dumps him. We have separated by this time...damage was far done by then. He calls me crying and crying. I ask him how he feels. He says he's sorry for all he put me and his son through. But that he's done too much damage and that he can't take it back or fix things (fog and justifications to keep screwing around)...I say that it is his decisions and if he wants to make excuses then that's fine...

Hear within a week or so that OW2, Family Values, has moved in with him. What a lovely woman. Picking up the pieces for her lover. Dumped by his mistress and wife divorcing him. Isn't that an attractive kind of man? Well, Jethro isn't the kinda guy to really be faithful so he just shacked up with her and her 3yo outta wedlock son. Despite wording of agreement, they shacked up.

After about six months of shacking up, FV decides that it's time to up the ante...he was living with the cow and getting the milk for free...so to speak...so conveniently, she FOR THE SECOND TIME, gets pregnant and is unmarried...now he's really stuck...

I suspected the day ironically our papers were signed in the presence of our attorneys that she was preggers...he cried when the court reporter read the decree before us. Really cried. I knew it deep down. Asked him in about september and still more lies..They completely denied she was pregnant until the week the judge signed the papers...CAN WE SAY COMPLETE FOGGY LIARS? She was beginning her last trimester at this point.

So I guess they have some sort of fallout last fall as I get the "I am leaving Jethro" phone call I knew would come...she denied then being preggers or even living with him..called me at 11 pm that night at my home. Probably uped the ante then and said "either you make a somewhat honest woman of me or I am outta here".

Well anyhow...they eloped around New Years.

Had their "shotgun wedding dinner reception" last weekend and she's over eight mos. pregnant. THIRD wedding reception for Jethro. FIRST for FV, the pregnancy plotter.

As I read the information above it all struck home with me...his new wife may feel she has won something but he feels trapped as he didn't want to marry or to have another child...Last year, my xh jokingly said that all he really wanted was a "few years to fool around and get this stuff out of his system and he'd be back home again...that if even i didn't want him back, he wouldn't think of remarrying until after age 40." Ha.

Reality is the above stats are on the money.

I am recipient a few days ago of a forwarded email...In the about fifteen or so addresses the email is sent to are the following: my email address, Family Values the new wife, his parents, and OW1, monkeyho.

My xh has been remarried not even 2 whole months yet and he's again talking to his former lover and proported "soulmate" in TN.

It's really sad but I am glad I am outta this.

They either learn their lesson and change and admit to themselves what they did, how it was wrong, or they are doomed to keep repeating it over and over and over. Sounds like the xWS above haven't quite gotten that concept yet.

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I'm feeling better about things today.

You know, part of me wants this new marriage to work for him. Maybe, although I love him alot, we just weren't a good fit for each other. While we were always good friends and enjoyed each other's company, he's right when he says the SF part of the relationship was always lacking for both of us. I was more than willing to make myself content with what we had (we had sex maybe once a month or less - he NEVER initiated unless he had a couple drinks). When he proposed, I assumed he was okay with the status quo too.

He went about ending things in a really destructive and painful way but I still want him to be happy, and OW seems to make him happy (I'm gritting my teeth as I write that part). I still believe we could have made things work, but if not than I really don't want my son exposed to an endless parade of new girlfriends. And maybe (hopefully soon) I'll find someone that is a better fit for me too.

Of course the other -immature- part of me hopes it crashes and burns (hee hee hee)...


Thanks for all the replies and advice. In a way I feel rejected all over again by exH marrying again so soon (separated 2.5 years ago, divorce final last year) but in another way it is also closes the chapter on the marriage. He is not ever coming back.

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Hard to say if everyone is the same. I keep hearing about these affairs that become marriages that fail, but the only affair I know of that became a marriage, was between some friends of mine.

We'll call them Joe and Jill. They met about 20 years ago, while working on a project together. He was married, she was single. They realized they were falling for each other. She told him she wasn't going to sit around waiting for a married man to have time for her.

Joe got out of his marriage (it was pretty darned bad, all their friends could see it, and their son was not small anymore), and rang up Jill. They started dating, and when he took a job abroad, she followed him. They were married 14 years ago, and have been very happy, now retired with a farm.

I think he just made the mistake of being married to the wrong person to begin with. But of course, not all situations are the same.

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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I think he just made the mistake of being married to the wrong person to begin with.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">These words, as well as previous posts by this person, sound like the justifications of an OW.

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My X announced his engagement to my kids last month on his birthday..It was like..

"Happy birthday to me..guess what?

he told the kids (my kids are older ages 16-23) as they had their coats on and were about to walk out the door.

Nice..just like a hit and run.

He said he wanted to set up a time when they can meet her. MIL said kids should as OW REALLY loves your dad..like I didnt.

Daughter (19) didnt say anything except to MIL that "OW loves my dad sooooooo much that she would break up his family and ruin all our lives. Then daughter left hysterically and hasnt spoke to her dad since. Goes out when she knows he is stopping by, doesnt answer her phone etc..

Other 3 say that they will not meet her, or go to any function where she is.

Only youngest son will see/talk to his dad and that is when she is not there. None of the 4 have ever seen her yet.

DDay was 10/00 and for 2 years X says that he broke things off when I discovered affair. He beat me, lied to me and tortured me with this affair, and in fact it was still going on. I knew this and he hated the fact that I knew every single time he lied to me.

when he left he told kids it was not for other woman, that it was my fault.

It was my fault that I would not let his abuse continue.

Within a couple of weeks he was living with OW full time, and now finally 1 year later he admits it to kids.

Last christmas (02) he called about something and I could tell he was drunk. I asked him where he was and he said out finishing up his Christmas shopping. I said "Great..Christmas shopping out drunk, and by yourself driving?"

so he says.. well, kids want nothing to do with me, you hate me, mom only tolerates me, and after what happened last night..OW and I are probably done for good

So already there is trouble in paradise, I know he is still alternating between drinking and oxycontins, so that is her problem now. I know their marriage wont last, it cant built on the foundation of every kind of sin there is. OW started this affair with my X when she had only been married for 6 months. But that is their problem.

Ow has a 6 year old daughter and I pray for her safety as my x likes to DUI. My children and I all escaped serious harm. I believe by God's hand of protection.

X has not announced date that I know of. I think he is waiting for kids to "come around" LOL. at that rate she will never get remarried.

BTW..I think reason to push to get married is for her families acceptance. She comes from strong Christian family. Her parents are youth group leaders, she went to Christian school, and now she is living with this man who is technically still married to a Christian woman for 26 years with 4 children. Gotta make something look good.

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statistics still prove in is 5-10% of these affairs end in marriage, and their chances of survivng are less than the first marriage.

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Somewhere I read that x and I have a better chance of re-marrying then his marriage to HER has. Don't think I want something used back!

X didn't even tell kids he was getting married. It came up in a phone call that he had married HER. Divorce final Nov 19, married Dec 9th as far as anyone can tell. Kids had never meet her. He did not bring HER with for christmas that year, did not bring her with when OD had heart surgery, didn't even call her after the surgery, OD got mad and wanted to meet this women and so her and siblings drove to dad's for Easter last year, did not bring HER with for OD graduation. Not proud of HER? Or was afraid of fallout?

YD went there for 30 days this summer, we meet for pickup, HER is with them x doesn't introduce us, I did not introduce myself, wasn't going to make it simple for him. X came to see kids for christmas this year again by himself, brings YD back and HER is with them, does not bring HER out to my house to drop daughter off, YD spent night at hotel with them, x brings YD home but no HER. However my phone did ring and someone (HER) say hi and hung up. Again afraid of what the fall out might be!!! X wanted out of marriage so badly signed papers quickly, was uncontested, I got what I asked for and am doing ok for myself and kids, Never had a house before and signed for one in October, bought myself a used truck for Christmas, so have two cars setting in driveway still. Am sure he didn't want her to see this, don't know if she knows amount of alimony or not, or child support, not my problem!!

OD off and eloped so didn't have to meet for the marriage thing, but will be grandparents in September.

They are coming to visit the third week of March, will not go out of my way to meet HER, have been seeing an old friend that x was best man for at his wedding, that would like to see x, am not sure if that would be good or not, could be interesting though as I really haven't had any one in my life since x. Don't know if I want to set that up or not!

Anyways, I guess I will always wonder if he thinks it was worth leaving a loving wife and family for HER. Don't really care though, just wonder, I know where it is I am at in life and I am ok, I tried to save my marriage and did the best that I could when I was married. Not sure that he can say that!

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Nellie1:
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">These words, as well as previous posts by this person, sound like the justifications of an OW. [/QB][/QUOTE]

Nope, Nellie, just a different opinion. My husband was a tosser, but I think we spend too much time worrying about how his relationships will fail or succeed. Not enough time thinking about how to make our own lives beautiful. We have to let them go. My father cheated on my mother; she left him, remarried and is happy. My friends' relationship worked out.
Sometimes our preconceptions are wrong. Sometimes we have to ignore statistics and look at human hearts and intentions.
If I hear WS spouting what I feel is nonsense, I'll voice my contrary opinion to that, too! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

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MY STBX's client who was married and a good deal older hired an assistant someone that my STBX went to high school with. 4 years after hiring her, client was providing her with a car, a condo, etc paid for by his corporation. I told STBX that there was something more going on there than typical corporate amenities, but he didn't believe there was. 2 years later, client announced that he was divorcing his wife of many years (his youngest child was 13, oldest out of college already) and marrying his young assistant. They have now been married about 18 yrs and have adopted children as well as children of their own. It was like a fairy tale situation for the young assistant that went to high school with my stbx as client's corporation provides them with a lavish home, vacations, nannies, and lifestyle.

That is the only situation that I am aware of when an affair turned into a marriage.

There are 2 couples that we know that have had affairs tear them apart that later reconciled successfully. Though in one case, the couple was older (over 50) and they reconciled due to the poor financial situation that they were in prior to the affair.

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Stats show that a's and M's that happen after A's aren't very good at all.

I sure hope that exec's xw was taken care of.

And their kids as well.

What seems to be the factors that fuel M's after A's is the involvement of WS's family and income level as I have noticed.

Of the very very few that I am aware of, those are common and also were present in my sitch as well.

Doc I know well had A with his scrub tech. W found out and D'd him. He marries younger scrub tech. She spends, spends spends. His first d happened about 5-6 years ago. Has one child wit scrub tech. He becomes depressed and unhappy and begins drinking. Cheats on scrub tech. Scrub tech divorces him but after only a few years of marriage (maybe 2), she divorces him but KEEPS his name...Now he's getting remarried again to another younger woman.

His mom supported him in being "there" for her cheating, lying, drinking son. He had the disposable income to live the "double secret life".

When a foggy foggy person gets a thumbs-up from their parent, and has income to support the lies even further, I believe it's a recipe for disaster.

My college bf's dad cheated on his mom. Again, owned company, had income to dispose on both family and OW. His W left him, took my bf and his bro and sister and moved out of family home. She filed for D. Basically did an mid nineteen eighties plan B. H's secretary (much younger again) moved in with the dad into family home. Talk of marrying the secretary. But he dumps her and goes back to his W after 2 years away. Very very sticky and w was on depression meds for years after that.

Another factor is the ego of the WS. That seems to be the third factor here to consider. Alot of these people seem to validate themselves through the conquest of another person...albiet younger or attractive or both.

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I married the OM six years ago. I was the OW. His ex and my ex are now both re-married. For us I could not imagine my being still married to my ex. It's been so many years now it's hard to even remember a lot of things. I think it's rare for it to happen and even more rare for it to be better the second time around but it does happen.

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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Bonnie Sept wrote:
I married the OM six years ago. I was the OW. His ex and my ex are now both re-married. For us I could not imagine my being still married to my ex. It's been so many years now it's hard to even remember a lot of things. I think it's rare for it to happen and even more rare for it to be better the second time around but it does happen.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Can I ask a couple questions of you, Bonnie?

How long were you with your first husband? When you said it's hard for you to even remember a lot of things from your marriage to him, it struck a chord with me. Most of us BS are excerting so much energy trying to forget our ex's (WS). Seems ironic.

I wish I could just forget entirely. I keep telling myself those 21 years were meaningless, a sham. But of course, unwelcome memories from time to time find their way back.

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