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#769789 04/26/04 08:05 AM
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Ha! Got your attention.

First, off I don't think I even like my spouse any more. Second, I've filed for divorce. Third, keep in mind that my idea of not LBing was to let my spouse do whatever he wanted no matter how much distress and pain it caused me.

So here goes. This is what I've done in the last two days. I wouldn't have said anything like that a year ago.

My question: Were my responses LBs? Are LBs such a bad idea at this point? My goal is now longer for my spouse to be in love with me. My goal is to have my spouse become some else's spouse.

I think I've been a complete *itch for two whole days! Ater I told Bill how I'd strung the weed wacker, he delivered up the proper way to string the weed wacker, saying it would work even better. I replied, "Says you!" I got belligerent according to B. because I went on to say that my way worked perfectly fine and how did he know his way worked better when he hadn’t tested it?

I do a fabulous job at keeping things running single-handedly. I work, I clean, I do lawns and windows. I sew and cook and teach the girls manners and values. Why do I need some man to tell me the proper way to make the weed wacker go? “Did you pump the button 7 times?” (Obviously I did it enough to get it started.) “Did you push the yellow lever up?” Did you do this, that and the other?

Hmm. Let me see…..

And then this morning, when he requested that I call his land line in the morning instead of his cell phone because he was over by 100 minutes, I said, "I can do that. I'm sure the five minutes in the morning puts your cell phone over. I'll call back on the land." Then I hung up and called back putting the children on.

Mea Culpa. But does he ever think of my cell phone minutes?

Do you know the children aren't brushing their teeth at his house because the sink doesn't work and the kitchen sink is full of dishes? And yesterday, he slept most of the afternoon according to my girls? And he doesn't make them breakfast. He just gives them Go-gurts!

It turns my stomach. The girls come home with unkept hair and dirty teeth all the time. I'm horrified. And I'm getting more horrified as time goes on. This is not a responsible man. Or perhaps, it just boils down to values. He wants to got where life takes him without expending too much effort. And while he likes a nice tidy home, good food and the luxuries money can buy, he doesn't value them enough to expend a lot of energy on them.

Cleanliness, tidiness, love, integrity, beauty, relationships, discipline, are worthy of effort and energy in my book. I don't read or play when I've immediate chores to do. I believe in work first then play except in special cases.

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HIYA GG,
Wanted to say thanks for all your help earlier, Have been mostly luking and formulating a plan. Sounds as if you have reached that point. Sorry that your STBX is treating you the way he is. Some men just assume women cannot or don't know how to operate tools or garden equiptment. I on the otherhand have begun teaching my daughter how to start the mower, and yes I did say pump the button X amount of times to prime it <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> . It is totally ok to express your feelings, let him know how you feel. It wasn not until I got my spine back and stood up for myself that I am now getting the respect I always should have gotten for so many years. Sounds like your a pretty well rounded individual, keep focused. Thanks again. HO

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Humble One, I was wondering about you. Spines are wonderful things to have. I keep trying to grow mine. Once I have a really healthy one, I don't think my H will like me at all.

Anyway, I think that my H. would like to believe I need him. Like as in survival. But I don't. And I wouldn't want to need someone because I couldn't learn how do something.

And you're welcome. So, what's your plan?

<small>[ April 26, 2004, 09:50 AM: Message edited by: greengables ]</small>

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I think it does boil down to values sometimes. And we VALUE our children, which means we put them first many times over our own needs.
It hurts when we see the other parent isn't doing that.

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I will suggest some good LB'S for ya:

1. I am burning all your books tomorrow at 4PM...

2. If you send the kids home dirty again, you will not see them for a month.

3. By the way, I am changing the locks today...

4. Here, I will help you join a "dating club for the elderly"!


I am only half kidding here! Good Luck.

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Well, the plan ...oh the the mighty plan.. Problem with my so called plans of granduer is that they are usually flawed somehow since they were derived from the mind of an engineer...that being me...
I have taken control of pretty much all of the finances...Have met encountered little resistance on the spouses part as she is painfully aware that if something is not done to change things she will be one of those retired people eatign canned cat food to survive.

Anyway, things have taken a turn or at least they seem to have since I re-innserted my spine. I pretty much tell her how I feel at any given moment and do not hold back. This approach has obviously made her think what she stands to lose.

As part of this I have begun to become a stronger individual, as each day goes by I get a little more confident in myself...a good thing...
The plan again is to position myself mentally, then financially, and be prepared emotionally in case the plan unravels. Plan Alpha Z I call it <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

She has pretty much done a 180 since I instituted my new attitude. I am still wary though... The trust factor is way in th red with her. She has been totally honest as far as I know. She has been sharing more and more of her work conversations which is unusual. Really do not want to read too much into that. I quit making advances on her also. Haven't really had the urge anyway. Seems to work in my favor as she has made many approaches and I for the most part do not take the bait.
I am glad to hear your more than capable of handling yourself. I am no expert by any means, but in my case, changing the way I come across when interacting with my spouse has made a tremendous difference. Sort of having that light bulb go off inside your head that makes you finally realize that you can make it fine on your own.Once this occurs, you will exhibit a persona that show through. I bet if you keep on this same track, he will start to change his tune..

In my case.. I just wonder for how long? Right now it does not really matter as I care and don't care at the same time. Sort of take her or leave her attitude. For know, it is all about me amd providing for the children.

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EEKS! HO, I want him to respect me, but not back in my home. I'd have to kill him, and that's not a feasible option in the good old USA.

Baba, I DID change the locks! The dirty thing is a good idea. And I have a good looking, wealthy woman in mind for B. Her only drawback is she has a high-pitched voice. She's single without children, the proper age and she already knows B. In fact, when I ran into her and told her I was separated, I could see her mentally putting B. back in the possible-escort catagory. Once he finds someone new, he'll never look back.

Thanks for the laugh. How are you and yours? Everything the same as the last time? I was thinking about you and your family.

Further for HO, I’m glad there’s some plan even if it’s just to take care of yourself. That is excellent. And you know the good thing about plans? They can be changed or adjusted as new information comes in. ….And I think you’re right not to trust her very far.

<small>[ April 26, 2004, 10:41 AM: Message edited by: greengables ]</small>

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Sorry.. Did not mean that you were to have him back in your house. I guess if you get him to be someone else's problem , he won't be yours. I can sort of relate to how you feel about how he feeds your children as I do all the cooking.
My wifes attitude as of late is to but a bunch of pre-made items such as hot pockests and the like' and let the children fend for themselves. I hope that by me showing them through example, that they will not think it is okay to do as thier mothers does to their children.
Besides, have you ever looked at how much sodium is in those pre-made meals? Not that Go-Gurts are bad, but they are definately not considered balanced nutrition in my book.
So in short I guess if you need to LB then do it, if it keeps your sanity in check.

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I guess feeding the girls Pop-tarts in teh morning is bad?
Do you know they have a Hot Fudge Sundae flavor?

Sometimes we all cut corners, and the children won't starve from occasional poor nutrition.

I'm still laughing about fixing up your STBX. Hmm, what a concept. I wouldn't wish my X on anyone. If and when I do meet his date, I'll ask her if she's read all the Co-dependency books or visited the local Al-anon chapter!

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You will not, Newly!

And cutting corners occassionally is fine. But, the girls need good eating habits. E won't eat breakfast, but then wants cookies at 10:00. BAD!

It's all part of hte bigger picture. And the man was angry at me because he had to pay for heating oil at the place where he's living! Please. He's living there rent free as far as I can tell.
Who knows who pays for the phone, electricity and other stuff.

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Hey GG,
You want a good laugh? I just got a joke that There are only eleven times in history where the "F" word has been considered acceptable for use. And no it is not spelled out, don't want to break any rules or anything. it is referred as !@#$ or something like that. It put a smile on my face. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

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HO, I missed the joke. I don't get it. Please, please explain because it sounds funny.

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Ok Here it is: <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Let me know if you thought it was funny?


There are only eleven times in history where the "F" word has been considered acceptable for use. They are as follows:

11. "What the @#$% do you mean we are sinking?"
-- Capt. E.J. Smith of HMS Titanic, 1912


10. "What the @#$% was that?"
- Mayor Of Hiroshima, 1945


9. "Where did all those @#$%ing Indians come from?" - Custer, 1877


8. "Any @#$%ing idiot could understand that."
- Einstein, 1938


7. "It does so @#$%ing look like her!"
- Picasso, 1926


6. "How the @#$% did you work that out?"
- Pythagoras, 126 BC


5. "You want WHAT on the @#$%ing ceiling?"
- Michelangelo, 1566


4. "Where the @#$% are we?"
- Amelia Earhart, 1937


3. "Scattered @#$%ing showers....My [censored]!"
- Noah, 4314 BC


2. "Aw c'mon. Who the @#$% is going to find out?"
- Bill Clinton, 1999

and a drum roll....................


1. "Geez, I didn't think they'd get this @%#*^ing mad." - Sadaam Hussein, 2003.

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GG,

I'm on the edge of saying the he!! with avoiding LB's and speaking my mind. Alot of wich is exactly the same as what you mentioned.

Personal hygene, dishes, laundry etc.... STBX is so wrapped up in her own stuff that I feel she neglects the important things that young kids need. DD3 calls me for help with homework over the phone sometimes because Mommy is busy !!!!!

I would say that a Love Buster isn't a Love Buster if there is no love to bust. And it can be fun to relieve yourself sometimes <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

It does sound like he wants to be needed. Doesn't everyone?

And they also make smores flavored pop tarts.

WIWH

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I am going to go into co-hoot's with the manufacture's of stuff, they only put those little direction's on stuff to actually confuse people.

I will take the stance "I could show you, but then I would have to kill you, I am not allowed to devulge trade secret's"

If someone feel's in-awe about something I did, I feel sorry for them, it really wasn't that hard.

You are doing good GG, keep that spine growing. Now if you know how to grow a third hand, that would be great, that is the one part the manufacture leave off their instruction's, it should include "you need to grow a third hand in order to assemble"

There is nothing finer then women with power tool's. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

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OOOOOOHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

LB the x!!!!!

I've done that. On purpose, too.

Sometimes it just does you good to do it, too.

But now I'm in a better place and don't want to nearly as often.

Vent away, dear friend.

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I talked to Cerri. While my sarcastic moment totally counts as an LB, she didn’t think defending my abilities was an LB. And she reassured me she thought he was being really disrespectful. Sometimes I’ve felt like I was nutty, imagining stuff.

And, sometimes it is nice to get back just a little of your own. If I take back what was first taken from me, am I stealing?

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Newly..Good One!!!

I just packed up a box of pixtures for X but havent given them yet. I also threw in all of my al-anon brochures (not kidding either <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> )They can have quality time together reading them, and she will need the information.

<small>[ April 28, 2004, 05:51 PM: Message edited by: sunrise1 ]</small>

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I think of the LBs in my head, and vent them to my friends only.

Today's LB. "OK AH, you told the counselor you didn't have enough time with your children. Why is it that you never ask for more time, nor have you ever taken any time when offered? (I offered this Sunday since I will be taking them for Mother's Day - his weekend)."

What an idiot I married. (It doesn't count as an LB unless you actually say this to the person - does it?

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Greengables --> You Go Girl! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I believe in work first then play except in special cases.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">--- but please...when the work is overwhelming, PLAY first! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

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