<small>[ August 06, 2004, 12:16 AM: Message edited by: laura_lee ]</small>

I'm only separated, so I can't date. But, seriously, I never want to get married again. Put it donw to avoidance tendencies or risk adversion or just plain fear.

However, you have a really good point.

I fell off my horse and landed on my head.
I FORGOT HOW TO RIDE!

I fell of my horse and hit my head.
I FORGOT HOW TO RIDE!

I fell of my horse and hit my head.
I FORGOT HOW TO RIDE!

Sorry got a little carried away with my enter button.

laura_lee,

I feel the same as you at time but!!!
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> However, for those of us who truly were the injured party and who made a final decision to divorce </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">There are some of us that truly were the injured party, yet the final decision was someone elses and became one of the injuring factors.

That can make it harder to get back on the horse because not only did you fall off it, It ate sugar from your hand and then through you off when it had enough.

Like GG, I can't get back on yet but I do intend to no matter how scary it will be but I need to make sure that I am being fair to the next horse.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> But, seriously, I never want to get married again. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">GG, you don't have to buy the horse. A little ride now and then can still be fun!(that wasn't intended the way it sounds out loud)

WIWH

Oh, sure, WIWH, throw in the double entendre and then deny you did it on purpose. if I fall in love again, I may be chemically induced to marry. That must be avoided. Marriages may be worth saving, but I’m not at all sure they’re worth getting into in the first place.

<small>[ August 06, 2004, 12:17 AM: Message edited by: laura_lee ]</small>

I think the problem that most of us are facing is that what we thought was a horse turned out to just be a jack a$$

<small>[ August 06, 2004, 12:18 AM: Message edited by: laura_lee ]</small>

Well, I do hope you are not saying that as the "victim" in the divorce, you were not responsible and should feel no need to look at yourself, or your own behavior, actions, etc.

While there ARE indeed SOME cases were this is so, I believe there have been MANY threads on this, and many written books, and it is generally realized that BOTH people in a marriage a responsible for the demise of the marriage. There are always cases of extremes...but by and large, they are rare.

So, personally, I agree with the belief that dating again is a good thing. For some of us it is the first time. But, I do hope you don't carry this chip on your shoulder which is the "anti-scarlet A", saying so strongly that you did NOTHING. Because, unless it is one of these rare cases, you are indeed missing something significant in your own learning on your journey.

That said....I also disagree with the dating while "just separated"...but I guess that will vary from person to person, definition of "just separated", etc.

Life is short...learn all that you can...hopefully from the mistakes of others. But make sure you learn.

GG...how is your X doing after the accident? Hope all is well...

BP22,
The accident proved less… well, less. If it had happened 12 months ago, he’d have been legal. However, PA dropped it’s limit. Still something doesn’t quite ring true here. Perhaps it’s simply the relief he felt. Maybe it’s because I wonder what it says about his driving while sober.
Meanwhile, he wrecked my stove. Renting the basement while he moved out his books did not extend to kitchen privilges. Anyway, B. melted a pot onto the ceramic cooktop, then pulled the pot off, cracking the top. He’s managed to talk someone into covering it under warranty! So, I’m out a stove for two weeks, and he’s out… NOTHING!
Meanwhile, I checked the spyware on the computer and find he’s been spending his days playing solitaire. (Reason I have spyware is three years ago I found him checking out escort web sites in towns he was going to travel to. I thought it best to occasionally check up. My health depended on it.) So, at the end of this month the lease is over. I’m moving the books out and he’s DONE!
(Sorry for the threadjack.

I think it also comes down to why you are dating. I started about a month after the divorce was final. Actually met her at a Superbowl party about 3 days before the divorce.

I asked her out because I don't like sitting home alone or going out drinking. I wasn't looking for anyone to fill my x's placed or to meet my ENs other than recreation.

On the other hand, I have a friend whose w left him with 4 kids. He is dying to be married again. Mostly because he is helpless around the house. They were pretty wealthy and had maid service, etc.

HE went out with 1 woman for a short while and immediately started talking about getting married. She backed off because her x got back in the picture.

So now my friend is subscribing to all the dating services and leaves his kids home alone on most weekends.

I am certain he will only find trouble going this route.

I am sure my x will be marrying her new b/f. He seems kind of desparate too. He has taken my son and xFIL flying. He has only known her/them a few months. Last week when she was dropping off the kids, a plane flew over and she stopped and climbed up to see if it was "his plane." It looked like it was a scene out of a 50's movie.

I give her credit though, after marriage to om broke up she did stay single for about a year though.

The other reason I think she will get married is that she has never lived alone except for the past year. She always had roomates. I have lived lone alot.

So again I think it comes down to what you are looking for!

<small>[ August 06, 2004, 12:18 AM: Message edited by: laura_lee ]</small>

<small>[ August 06, 2004, 12:19 AM: Message edited by: laura_lee ]</small>

Easy Now!

I do agree that BP may be coming on a bit strong but laura_lee, I don't think that BP realized that

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> While there ARE indeed SOME cases were this is so </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That you are definately one of these cases.

If you look at what BP has to say, although a bit strong, it does fit most cases here. One thing that was not mentioned though was that it is also generally realized that some marriges are best to be ended.

I do disagree with BP on one major Item and that is that situations like yours are rare. They may be rare here where people come for help but in general society they are verry common. Heck, put on channel 5 on friday night and watch cops.

Either way, I hate to see fellow MB'rs that don't get along. We are all here together for one reason or another.

WIWH

I think BP22 was taking something all together too literal. Must be the scientist part of him. In some cases, there is an injured party. And in many cases all parties are injured. Besides, it doesn't really matter for the discussion.
Good peace making effort, WIWH.

And Laura, so sorry it was that scary in the end. Good thing you got out safely.

<small>[ August 06, 2004, 12:20 AM: Message edited by: laura_lee ]</small>

<small>[ August 06, 2004, 12:21 AM: Message edited by: laura_lee ]</small>