I'm curious. Do your spouses/significant others know you (we) are in chat rooms trying to get advice on our relationships? I'm kind of embarassed to tell my husband. Does anyone else feel that way or am I just weird? I feel like this is a secret. Be honest with me.

Good question. I'll be honest. My WH knows I visit this site, knows I have respect for Harley and his books, his theories. WH has never asked if I post and I have never told him. I would not want him to know my name or what I say, which I guess is very two-faced of me because I hate how dishonest he has been with me. I suppose my reasons for feeling that way are two: 1) I am embarassed by my WH's acts of infidelity (with other men) and 2) I put great stock in the counsel of MB'ers who are, on the whole, a great group and very supportive, and I think my WH would laugh at my belief in this forum.<p>WH does not visit the site himself, nor did he find the Harley books I've read to be very helpful to him, personally (FOG). Also, I actually kind of like to think I have something just for me in this MB experience. It's my place to go for comfort. WH doesn't believe in it or want it, so I don't talk to him much about it.<p>How's that for honesty?

Interesting question - my wife and I get on together sometimes. My wife has been on the site for about a year. At first, she did it on her own and I think it was a source of comfort (I had an office infatuation/EA). Later, when we were in counselling, she encouraged me to look at it. She sort of posted questions for "us" when we disagreed on things and we'd talk about the responses - or how she phrased the questions. I don't pry into what she's reading, but I do read her posts. I read some today while she watched. We talked about how people responded to her post and some of the comments that we agreed/disagreed with. ...My first reaction would be to say that it's got to be a very personal decision based on what you're trying to get out of the site. In the end though, if we really want to communicate openly, I can't see why you would want your posts to be private. It's also nice to see that there are other couples out there just as screwed up as we are! Makes us feel somehow less psychotic! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

I have been lurking on the boards for about a week or so but I have found this site a great comfort. At some point I'll post in greater detail what is going on between my wife and I (very brief episode with downloading Internet porn - two months in duration). At present I access the site through work and my wife does not know about it. I have HNHN on hold at the local library and will likely start reading that this weekend. I suppose that at some point I will also check in on the boards from home so that she is aware...

Yes, he does. He is also aware that we have lots of problems that need to be ironed out--lots of lb behavior going on. (Mostly from him [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] ).<p>He isn't really interested at this point so I'm basically the doing work by myself. But that's okay. For now.

Yes, my H does. But he does not know how MUCH time I spend here! [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] He is more than welcome to join me, but I print plenty of information off of here that he reads. I find that coming here has been a great help to me. And if I have anything to share with him, I am sure to share it!
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Yes, my WH knows I've been coming here since the end of '99 (just pitiful I know [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] )!<p>My WH has posted a couple times and we actually argued in one thread. He doesn't know the name I currently post under - changed it last year when I thought we were divorcing. He used some of my older posts against me in an arguement.<p> [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

I have asked my wife to come and check the site out and have printed reams of stuff for her to read, but I doubt she has ever looked at it. I may get in trouble if she ever does though since I've contributed to the poetry section to VENT!!!

My wife knows.

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by diddallas:
<strong>He isn't really interested at this point so I'm basically the doing work by myself. But that's okay. For now.</strong><hr></blockquote><p>I feel for you. I'm at that point right now. I'm his beacon in the storm so to speak. <p>To answer the origonal post.. Yes, my hubby knows I'm here. I've printed up the several pages and had him read them. He's not back online yet, but I have invited him to join and lurk or post. I even agreed to help him until he learns the ropes, he's computer dumb. I think if he'd read my posts he'd get a better understanding of where I'm at. I write my thoughts out better than verbalizing them.

My wife has no idea that I come to this forum for advise. She knows that I have been to the MB web page but she proably would not understand my need to feel connected with people in similar (yet different) situations.

I have not discussed the MB webssite or my visits with my wife at this point. (I do it at work.) I think I need to give her a little more time before I start pushing her to begin working on some sort of marital rehab. i hurt her by making unsubstantuated accusations about infidelity, and when I finally got her moving toward making up, I demanded SF. So I am very upset with my self and the position of distrust and hurt I have made my wife feel.

I am the BS. My H had affair with OW that I suspected was EA, but was confirmed to me as PA by other sources.<p>He has no clue of this site that I know of. He would recognize our story here. I dont want to share this with him. He argues psychology stuff is hoakey pokey & conselors are $ grabbers. I know this is not true. I have seen my varying rollercoaster emotions in many peoples stories and see that much of his behaviour and comments could be from a standard textbook: Marriage gone wrong, spouse denying affair book. Hey, we should all write one together! Signs your spouse is likely having an affair!!<p>ANyway, this site has been of great support to me during my roughest hours. It helps very much to know our situations are NOT as unique as they feel!

My wife does not know at this time. I am torn. I think she would get a lot of benefit from reading the other posts. However, I do not think she would appreciate my sharing a rather detailed post of our (her) situation. <p>Maybe I will delete some posts and or wait until the threads get old and encourage her to read and post if she wants. <p>She was (is?) involved in an admitted EA. I am not sure it was not a PA. I am certian she would be embarrassed by the fact that I have shared so many details for potentially millions of people to read.