Know there are many people that have had to make this decision.

My WH is back with OW ... for about the 9th time. This last time, I thought he was REALLY back with me, loved me and all that stuff. But, sadly, I was wrong once again.

He will be moving out shortly ... I would think by the weekend.

Our kids are almost 11 and 9. They are close with their daddy. We've told them before the he is moving out, only to have him not really move out, just be in a hotel for about a week. They know we aren't getting along.

While we were reconciled in April and through the beginning of May, I could see a change in them. They saw how happy their dad was, and how happy I was. They were less stressed out, more comfortable and happy, less clingy, didn't provoke each other as often. And in the last couple of days, I know they have noticed a change in us again. They stare at me longer, with a look of wonder in their eyes. Like they want to be reassured, but don't want to ask.

We'll tell them, again, that he is moving out when it happens.

But my real question was how long do I wait to file for divorce?

He will be in an apartment ... probably will have a 6 month lease, then I am assuming he will buy a townhouse or something more permanent.

I don't work right now. Through this, I have decided to get a part-time job during school hours in the fall. Now, however, with being divorced, I will probably need a full-time job. Don't know what I will do. Did a career assessment class in the fall and have many indicators, but most I would need to go back to college for.

I want to make sure that I am protected in this. The problem that has brought us to this point is his continuing affair, not our relationship. So I am NOT the guilty party.

How long?

Stung,

I'm by far an expert, but for me it was when my X finally said he wanted a D to be with his soulmate.
I, in my own mind had to know that I gave my marriage every effort I could.
I had to do that for my girls, and myself.
I gave him a year, of giving all of myself and more to try to turn himself around.
He still chose to go to her.
He moved out, lived with a guy for a few months.
He told me two months into his new residence he wanted the D.

The very next week after our D he moved in with OW.

I think it has to come from ourselves. When we have done all we can, and there is no more left.
If he has been continuing his affair, I don't think anyone can put the blame on you for the D.

Good luck to you, and keep us posted.
K.

karona, I was reading something you wrote on another thread and thought your relationship sounded very similar to mine.

I have done everything I can for almost a year now, too. He has made some minimal efforts, but the bottom line is he always goes back to her. Can't make a decision to really stay with me and love me with all of his heart and to trust me with all of him.

For me, I don't know that I can or want to wait until he says he wants a D. I'm interested in other people's opinions and experiences to help me figure out how long I wait.

Stung--

Yes, it does sound like our stories are similar.
Funny how strangers lives can be so similar.

We both went to MC together, and I independently also.
The counseling did help me. I quit going after my divorce, but maybe I should not have.
Although the past stuff doesn't hurt as bad, there are many day to day things that tear me up.
We went to 3 different counselors. He told each of them, he wanted to be with her. He made zero effort to work on our marriage.
Even though I heard this from him, I still needed to hear him say the words he wanted the D.
That was me though. Everyone might not need to hear that.
I must have been pretty thick that hearing him tell the C's he wanted her, wasn't enough for me.

I hope you find an answer that works for you. Maybe someone else will have some good advice for you.
There are a few people on here that I really enjoy hearing from. JustPeachy and WomanofFaith are two that I can think of off the top of my head.

I will keep up on your posts.

Take Care,
K.

P.S.
One more person I just thought of, StillReeling!
Don't want to forget her, she has been great too!

bump ........ anyone else have thoughts? anyone? anyone? Bueller? Bueller?