Well I Didn't Get Much Response from My First Insert So I Thought I'd Try Again with an Abbreviated Version of My Situation.<BR> #1) Me and My Wife Have Had Major Problems in Our 20 Yr. Marriage. <BR> A) Infidelity on My Part Before Marriage Due to Her Deciding to Quit after two Years until We Were Married... One Year to Go Before We Were Married So I Said No and Went out and Found Other Sources. We Got Back Together But Never Resolved Issue... it Grew Big and Nasty and I Didn't See it .<BR> B) Partial Infidelity on My Part 7 Years after Marriage Due to Our Having Very Bad Problems from Not Resolving A) and it Leading to Guess What...No Sex Again So I Again Went out to Find Others but Could Not Do Actual Act W/ Another Lady Because of Marriage. <BR> C) Infidelity (To Some Degree) on Her Part at Work.<P> #2) We Have Had a Major Problem for Last Three Years... She Went Back to Work after Being a Housewife and Mother of Three and Had an Emotional Affair (That's the Extent She Will Admit to but I Feel after Confronting<BR>Guy They Were Much More than That, it Was Her Married Boss at a Dept.Store) She Asked Me to Move out for Awhile to Sort Her Self out. I Did and Still Was Paying All Bills, Bought Her New Car Etc. While Visiting Kids I<BR>Overheard Her Telling Her Best Friend on Phone That She Couldn't Live W/o "Him" after Promising Me for past 6 Months ,(While I Was Living in a Hole to Afford to Still Pay Bills for Her) ,There Wasn't Anyone Else. Since Then I Moved Back in and We Tried to Make it Living Together Again for a Year but I<BR>Found out That the "Guy" Wasn't Transferred to Another State like She Had Told Me and They Were Still "Involved". She Wouldn't Work on Our Relationship and Was in a Fantasy World about What it Would Be like to Be<BR>W/ Another Man, Physically and Living W/ Etc... after a Year I Told Her to Work on Relationship or Move out ... She Moved out. <BR>Since Her Moving out (1 1/2 Years Ago), I Have Tried Everything Except Leaving Her Totally Alone... We Have Had Best Sex Ever Through this All but it Is Empty for Me... No Love Felt from Her to Me. She Has Been Continually Telling Me She Feels Guilty for Not Getting Back W/ Me and in the Same Breath Tells Me That She Is Eventually Going to Find the Mr. Right and So I probably Shouldn't Wait Around for Her. <P> I Do Love My Wife and Always Have but I Have a Big Problem Dealing W/ Her And Other People That Won't Confront and Deal W/ Problems and Expect Me to Let Problems Hang in Limbo for Ever W/o Resolving Them. I Have Begged Her to Go to Counseling for 10 - 15 Years but She Refused Saying That She Didn't Want to Because She Didn't Want Them Telling Her She Was Wrong or What to Do. I Want to Make it Work but I Am Very Angry about What Has happened ... So Much So That I Also Feel like Saying the **** with It. What Can I Do to Turn it Around When I Try So Hard to Give Her Attention and She Returns it by Rejecting Me and Telling Me about the Exciting Guys Paying Her Attention Which She Says She Doesn't Ever Want to Do W/o Again. I Feel<BR>Like I'm in Am Emotional Hell<P>p.s. I have three boys, 19, 17, & 10. the two older boys live w/ me f/t. the younger is with me 2/3 time. It's hard on them also with this going on.<P> What Do I Do?<P> Douglas

Douglas,<BR> Well, first I would say you need to stop, and look at your marriage, what would it take to make it a happy one ? I have been married for 21 years myself, it is way too easy to get complacent after a number of years go by. Second, realize that just as you felt you had "reason" to have affairs, she most likely feels the same way. For most women it's not a lack of sex, but more a lack of affection, and or attention, that cause's us to look for what we need. I suggest if you two are going to work on your marriage that the first thing you need to do is print out 2 copies of the emotional needs questionaire, and each of you fill one out, HONESTLY, no fudging to save feelings. Thats another thing people tend to do, and it hurts more than it helps. 2nd, get counseling, if she won't go then go alone<BR>Your children need to be reassured this has nothing to do with them, that the problems that exist are between you and wife, and that it in no way are to blame, my 18 yr old son, still doesn't trust his dad because of his cheating.<BR>and lastly, while i don't want to make you angry, you need to talk to your wife and tell her that you admit that you did wrong when you cheated, don't add, but there was no sex at home or any of that. There were reasons you thought about cheating but it was your choice in the end. That may help her see what she is doing is wrong too.<BR>I will most likely be flamed for that one, i'll go put on my asbestos jeans now.<P>------------------<BR>Just call me - Deb<BR>------------------------<BR>The only day I can do anything about is today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not yet mine.<P>

Ouch!<BR>I can't even image how you are feeling. I was the OW and cheated on my spouse. I can tell you that if emotional needs are not being met at home. A woman will leave. I don't know the whole story but must say. why did you say Partial Infidelity ? There is no such thing, either you were or weren't. Just because you didn't actully have intercourse, dosen't mean you were not having an affair. I'm sorry if these seems blunt, but, I have found that until you accept responsilbity for your actions, you can never really understand. I would suggest that you both need help. Perhaps, you should seek help for your self and see what happens. Just wait a while, more people may post. Hang in there.