Late last summer, my daughter announced she wanted to go live with her dad next summer. A few weeks later, she said she wanted to move it up to Christmas.

I consulted an attorney who said that, according to state law, they would listen to my daughter but probably could not force the change on me. X is not in compliance with two articles in decree and could be hauled in for contempt of court. Attorney advised that I tell him I wouldn't even talk about it until he had complied with both articles.

One, I think, he can't actually comply with due to the type of employer with which he works. They are exempted from the QDRO law.

The other involves thousands of dollars that he owes in medical expenses of which he has paid very little in the last 10 years.

He has refused to provide me with any EOBs for years and his insuror will not provide them to me. To retaliate, I know it is childish, I have not provided him with the bills because I know he knows what the expenses are.

Anyway, I told him I won't discuss it until he is in compliance, as much as possible, with the decree.

So, he is still demanding to know when we will discuss the date for G's move. Not when we will discuss whether or not she moves.

Personally, I know what G's issue is with me. And it hurts. But I feel overwhelmed with my life and can't find the strength to fix that weakness - I am a certifiable Messy as opposed to her father's anal Neatfreak.

So, she is 14 and needs someone to hang her unhappiness on so she has chosen me. Of course.

So, Monday, her school guidance counselor called me at work and told me that G was reported to be suicidal and her dad, stepmother and I all showed up for a meeting. Tomorrow she sees her psychologist.

I know her anal father will want to record the meeting. I am offended by some of these things he does to exert his control. I am going to tell him and the psycholgist that I refuse to take part in a recorded meeting. I see him as narcissitic, passive/agressive, and manipulative. Why should I trust him?

I will lose my house if the child support is cut substantially.

Notice, there is no reference made to our son going to live with his father.

Now, son has his own issues. If he doesn't pull a miraculous turn-around, he may end up repeating fifth grade. He was in a superior school for children with learning differences. But daddy-o didn't want to pay that kind of tuition any more. So, I had to find another school for him and it's not going as well as hoped. He is probably the oldest child in his class but he has the poorest social skills and, possibly, the highest IQ.

So, I don't know if I need to be school shopping - as in, shopping for another school - again, or not.

Last week, I finally mailed my packet off to the IRS - hopefully they will decide I provided adequate documentation to 'win' my audit. If not, it will cost me $3,000 + interest/penalties. If I 'win', I get $1,500.

Then, my mother, who is elderly, thinks she wants to move from her house to a senior apartment facility. She and my sister and my BIL have thought up a plan where we renovate my mom's house so that she can return if she doesn't like the apartment. If she likes the apartment, the children and I could move to that house then renovate my house and sell it. That means that I could end up renovating 2 houses in a year or so.

So, all of this has driven this ADD woman to taking her Strattera to try to cope better and I think it is working. And now to her Lexapro to keep her from being so depressed. But I think I may need my Aciphex to keep my stomach and esophogus from being killed by the stress.

Where does it end?

When does it end?

How does it end?

I guess I just needed to vent. But, if you could pray for all of us, even my children and my mom - and I guess even my x, I would appreciate it.

I am overwhelmed.

I am fearful.

I am scared.

Oh, yeah, doofus, the x, has moved and not bothered to tell me his new address and he has changed his email address and not bothered to tell me. I found out the email address and the address from - get this - an EOB he sent me by email.

Have you ever........?

cinderalla,

I know that we don't converse often, but seem to be on about the same time every night, I know that it is much later for you then me as I am mountain time zone.

I just wanted you to know that I hear the overwhelmingness (if that is even a word) in your writing. I can relate so very well as I have felt that way much of this year. I don't seem to get one thing wrapped up and there is another waiting for my attention.

I said to someone that I was tired of being the white stuff in the oreo, as my mother and daughter are both pulling on me about who, how and when my grandson is cared for. They both are right on some things but way off on others. And they both think that I need to hear about it. I just want to yell I love you both leave me alone. But I just listen and make no comments and then walk a way or hang up!!! UGH

Just wanted you to know that you are not the only one that feels overwhelmed, but hey how do you get all of those meds? and do any of the help? or is it the combination?


Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Thinking of you.......

((((((((((((cinder))))))))))))

I am reminded at times like these, that God only gives me and you as much as He thinks we can handle. And that He must think awful highly of us. Be strong. We must be, right?

Cin,
You do have control over so much in your life, your post sounds otherwise.
I remember when you talked of switching DS's school, to a better place.
If and when your DD goes to X's, she'll likely learn quickly that the grass isn't always greener.
Stay strong and believe in yourself and in God to get you through these stresses.

Cinderella,

I know I haven't posted often to you, but do read your posts, and actually this one sounds more "in control" than some of the earlier ones where everything was falling apart. I think you should take heart. You feel overwhelmed, but you're doing better than you feel like you are.

With that said, I wanted to respond for a couple other reasons:

I am a certifiable Messy as opposed to her father's anal Neatfreak.

You aren't the only one out there. I am truly the most disorganized person on this earth, and I don't do well keeping my house up. I have great intentions--I am just very easily sidetracked. And my XH stated as one of the reasons to justify his affair, that the house was always a mess. That is, unfortunately, very true. It wasn't "dirty" for the most part--but it WAS disorganized. He wanted a perfect house--I don't think it's possible for me to provide that.

And the second thing:

I am attending my daughter's therapy to try and learn how to better parent her (she's ADHD/ODD). I've seen traits in myself that point toward ADD since first pursuing the diagnosis with her, though I didn't have the school struggles she is having. Mentioned that today to her therapist and was handed an assessment form to fill out by next session on myself.

I rate "frequently" or "very frequently" on at least 3/4 of the stuff on it. I am not totally surprised, but I've never actually been assessed before. The therapist asked me today that depending on the results (and she's also going to have me see a therapist for myself because she thinks a lot of my issues affect my parenting), if I'd be open to medication--something my daughter is NOT open to. I told her it would depend on the side effects.

I would not be surprised if Strattera isn't in my future as well. I just weaned off (without Dr. approval) my Lexapro last weekend, but think I need to go back on because I'm bouncing off the walls and ready to bite heads off!

So sort of off your original topic, but did you have problems in school, or how did you recognize that you were ADHD/ADD?

LL

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{CINDERELLA}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Many hugs to you. I know the overwhelming feeling.

Many prayers are being sent for you.

Cinderella,

My son went through this very thing. His excuse was that he hated telling people he is living with "mom". He thought the rules would be better too.

If it happened and he moved in with him, I would have lost the house which I didn't think was fair to my younger son either, but I knew he would hate me forever and make my life miserable if I didn't allow it, plus I figured ex would eventually take me to court and everything would be final with or without my approval...I was torn too because he wasn't happy with me and I wanted him to be happy. So here's what I did...

I told him, "I want you to be happy and if that means you living with dad and not me then I'll agee but with these conditions."

1. It be on a trial basis.

2. There's no change in child support until a final decision is made. (I did however still pay for lunch, gave him spending money and provided his dad with some money towards groceries in order to keep peace during this time.)

3. You are welcome in this house always.

4. This trial basis goes for 1 month and then we all sit down together and discuss changes.

I knew it wouldn't last and was 100% convinced at the time that it would take about a month for my OS. However, if I had it to do over with, I'd ask for 3 months trial basis just in case he was a little more stubborn or it took longer than I thought, and just because I really sweat a lot that last week!

It took exactly one month and he was back. He has never asked me to live with his dad again, never wants to, and he now shows me respect for allowing him to do it and also shows me appreciation for knowing just how much better he really does have it with me. I am not saying in anyway his dad is a bad dad, it's just he didn't see all the great things my house has to offer until he was gone.

I have talked to several other parents who went through the same thing, all the kids were back at home after they discovered the grass is not so green on the other side.

Perhaps you could consider this too or a modified version.

Anna

I am too overwhelmed myself to be of any use to you whatsoever. So, hugs. I hope it all goes well and I'll remember you and your family in my prayers.

The latest...

Daughter is not suicidal at present. Has agreement with counselor to talk to one of the three grownups in the room that day if she feels down or needs help. She doesn't want to talk much with the guidance counselor so we will probably stay with the psychologist she has seen occaisionally but for years. I will suggest x and I alternate.

I actually feel a little proud of myself for telling x I felt angry about his choices and that I thought he sounded manipulative. And proud that I said, again, that no one was listening to me. That I had felt powerless in the situation. That I was angry because this was hurting me so much.

And I am grateful to have started seeing my new psychiatrist last summer. Thankfully, my employer's EAP makes it a bit more affordable.

I first realized that I was an ADD adult before my x left. Just shortly before.

And I am glad my internist and I understand the reflux thing is triggered usually by stress. Just having it flare up tells me I have to relax some.

I'm feeling better since daughter saw counselor yesterday.

Let's all sing along with Gloria Gaynor......"I, I will survive......"

But, oh, it is painful going to the effort to do so.