Okay, what is wrong with me? My H tells me that OW needs a babysitter yesterday evening for a couple of hours and he told her would keep the OC. (which was okay with me, because she has been "forbidding" me to be around him for a while).<P>To make a long story short - my H picked me up at work and already had OC and our daughter (she adores OC). We went for my H to price a job at some friends house and I stayed in the truck with OC and our daughter and played with them. When the customer/friend came up to the truck and asked my H "who is this little boy?" it was interesting to note my H said "just a girl's child that works at the daycare." (is he ashamed?)<P>Well I was okay (I have actually grown to love the OC - he looks nothing like OW is probably how I can do it), but I wondered also "why all of a sudden is it okay for me to be around OC" - was it because she was desperate for a babysitter; was it because my H and she were on the rocks and perhaps they've "made up" now? Why do I get so insecure?<P>Then, OW calls to pick up OC and we had been eating at the Cracker Barrel and she said she'd be there in 20 minutes. (she and her mother had went to a jewelry party) but when she shows up - it's just her - her mother is not with her - then I think (did she come alone - thinking that my H would be alone; what did she do with her mother?) Anyway she gets out of the car and I find myself looking her up and down - she is all tan - has had her nails done- is wearing shorts and a low cut top (not her normal style) and has her dyed the blondest it's ever been (she's a brunette, naturally) and I'm sitting there looking at her and feeling like "I'm" the 3rd wheel. My H gets the car seat and - my daughter runs up to OW and hugs her leg (she knows her)and it just stabs me in the heart - and she doesn't speak, she doesn't even look at me - and I'm feeling like I should crawl under the street - what is wrong with me? I know she's only 22 (me 35) and I'm thinking - she has no cellulite on her legs (that I can see) and she acts as if she's the one on top (what does she know that I don't know?) I just feel sick at my stomach and insecure. My H doesn't do anything to make me feel that way - I just feel like I'm intruding on "their" situation. Why do I feel like that? She got in her car and left with OC and we all got in our truck and left. My H said, "man, it's great just to have 1 kid." It was kinda funny - and sad. He said "what's wrong, honey?" and I said - I don't know - she wouldn't even look at me - "he said - she's afraid of you - and why would you care if she looked at you or not?" And that is a good question - why do I care?<P>------------------<BR>

You would care b/c your H had an affair with this woman and it is hard to have to face her. She/he crossed boundaries that should never have been crossed. B/c she is younger than you, it is natural to doubt yourself and wonder what she gave him that you couldn't. Chances are that she was feeling the same way too.<p>[This message has been edited by I'mafool (edited May 19, 2000).]

Hi Daycare Disaster,<P>Sorry about this hurtful situation that your H has gotten you into. Sorry for the OC too. <P>I can relate to feeling like a "third wheel" with the OW. My H is in an EA with a "best friend" who is young enough to be my daughter. She's married w/3 kids and the family was friendly with ours. But the main connection has always been between my H and OW. I've told him and told him I feel like a mother in law, a third wheel, and all he says is "you have no reason to feel like that". and "I'm sorry you feel that way". For the first few years it was "YOu have no reason to feel like that' I love you desperately" Then in July he finally admitted "I don't love you and I've been lying to myself for years".<P>The admission came in the middle of a family crisis in the OW's family which my H was helping with. He has become more and more involved with her and her kids, helping when her H is out of town or when it's something the H can't handle because of lack of knowledge or skill in some area. <P>It's hell to feel like the also ran, the third wheel.<P>But looking at the bright side, could be the the OW was hoping to see your H alone and was squelched by the sight of a loving supportive family around him and by your decent caring behavior toward her innocent child. If she has any conscience, she may even have been feeling shame. <P>She put a lot of effort into looking sexy (to impress whom? Certainly not the ladies at the jewelry party). And there you are, married to the man she loves. <P>He didn't broadcast that the OC was his, did he? Not very proud of the situation. But he announces his paternity to the world with your D. <P>You felt insecure, but you're married to the man she wants. He was with you when she came to pick up the child. You appeared to present a united front. And if she has any insecurity, maybe feeling envy. After all, your H was with you, your D, and her child. He really didn't look very available, did he?<P>Hang in there. Gotta run to the grocery store.

I am sorry that you had to go through that situation. It is something that I have been dreading as far as me and my H are concerned. But I think that it is important for us to be seen by the OW with our husbands. Maybe, just maybe the OW will get it in her head that we were married when this thing occurred and we plan on continuing to be married so she will have to get over it.<P>If I were you I would continue to try to look her in the eyes on future occassions and always have a pleasant look on your face. Let her know that you are a better, stronger person than she is. Just because she did something reckless doesn't mean that you are going to let her wreck your life and take away from your happiness.<P>Bless you,<P>Troll <p>[This message has been edited by troll (edited May 19, 2000).]

Thanks Guys! I can always count on you to make me feel better. I don't know why I LET HER UPSET ME! I know she is probably jealous, nervous, she just has always (even before this stuff happened) acted so cocky and the "I don't care" attitude. She is one of the few females I know that acts "as if" she has no emotions. Troll, you're right - we did present a united front and my H went home with me and slept with me in our bed and does PROCLAIM to everyone that he is our daughter's father. I'm sure the older the OC gets - it will be harder for my H to "hide" his little secret. My family and his family know and they handle it well - however, my H's acquaintences and friends - don't know how he'll handle that - but I'll leave that up to him. You guys are probably right - she perhaps thought that it would be my H and OC there alone waiting to meet her - I guess she was probably shocked. Ha - too bad for her. Thanks guys - this situation is one that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy - it is so hard and such a struggle - every day!<P>------------------<BR>

Amen to your last sentence. It is very hard. Peace lover

Quote:<P>My H said, "man, it's great just to have 1 kid." It was kinda funny - and sad. He said "what's wrong, honey?" and I said - I don't know - she wouldn't even look at me - "he said - she's afraid of you - and why would you care if she looked at you or not?" <P><BR>Translation: I'm sorry I put you in this situation but you handle it great! You are just as lovely as she is, why do you care if she looks at you?<P>Sounds like something I might have said back when these situations arose for me. Kind of a clumsy male way to make my wife feel at ease.<P>You handled it fine DCD. Keep it up.<P>Good luck and God bless<BR><P>------------------<BR>1Co:2:4: And my speech and my preaching was not with enticing words of man's wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power:<BR>1Co:2:5: That your faith should not stand in the wisdom of men, but in the power of God.

My 2cents worth, is you have nothing to worry about. My husband told me. I am the one he stayed with. If had wanted her he would have left, he is with me, the one he wants and loves. However, I still have moments of insecurity. He has not seen the OC and chooses not to see her. Yet, 6 years after he ends it he gets a letter from her telling him she wants him still; how God will never forgive her for loving a married man. Yet she still risks her soul because she still loves him and dreams of making love with him. He assured me as long as she continues to feel this way, he will stay away from her, and he feels the OC is better off without him in her life. I am so glad we live so far away from them.<P>Good luck and keep hanging in there. It sounds like he has made his choic and YOUR husband has made a choice to be with you. You won. Take courage from that and face her down every time. Hopefully she is ashamed of her self finally ( we can all still dream, right?). See ya later, TG