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#786946 06/09/00 01:51 AM
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Tonight...well, I am just plain angry!<P>I'm angry that my perception of life and people in general has changed so much because of this situation. I'm angry that part of our family's money will go to another family that I did not consent to. I'm just plain po'd!<P>Today we received a letter from the OW lawyer stating that the child support needs to be raised due to the OW going back to work. That is set for a hearing later this month. So now we have to face this again without a lawyer. Her mommy and daddy are paying for hers. She also lives with them and has next to no expenses. The OW is my BIL's cousin, so I end up hearing things through the grapevine. Such as, OW's parents are paying for nearly everything for the child, without any type of hesitation. Diapers, formula, clothes, you name it. She has no car payment, no rent, no major expenses to name. I'm sure alot of the fuel behind her fire is her parents.<P>I also found out that my SIL and BIL went to the OC's babtism. My MIL informed me of this. My heart just sinks. I recall speaking with the OW when she was still pregnant. One of her major concerns was she wanted H to be a part of this childs life. In fact she went on and on about this. And now the child is here and she refuses visitations and lets H know NOTHING about what is going on in the childs life. Yet, her hand is so very open to the money. <P>Once we get the DNA results we want frequent visitations. Yes, eventually she will have to give into the visitation issue. But just seeing how she's handling it without court intervention is saddening. And frankly I'm worried that because the child is so young we won't get much visitation at all. <P>As far as H goes, the communication is not going great between us. We talk, but not about the things that matter. Mainly small talk. Whenever I try to communicate about issues that need to be hashed out, H gets angry and usually ends up saying ugly things he tends to regret. I think about how unhappy I am now, at 21, and can't imagine how the heck I'm ever going to be happy in this marriage. None-the-less, I continue on in a stupor at some points.<P>Alrighty....I'm done and feel a bit better.... <P>If anyone else needs to vent, let it all out on this thread!

#786947 06/09/00 06:02 AM
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<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by tryingtomoveforward:<BR><B>Today we received a letter from the OW lawyer stating that the child support needs to be raised due to the OW going back to work. </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I am not sure why that entitles you to pay more? If she has additional income, shouldn't that LOWER the amount she needs? Or if it's based on a percentage of the father's income, it shouldn't affect things at all. I don't get it?<P>

#786948 06/09/00 09:28 AM
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<BR>popeye,<P>You're right, the OW going back to work should, in principle, lower her CS amount. But there is usually a "floor" amount that doesn't apply to the total income between the parents. The "gotcha" in this is who gets stuck paying for daycare and medical expenses. Some family court judges just dump the daycare/medical expenses on the noncustodial parent, so even if the OW went back to work, she would have the first $15,000 of income exempted (or some similar number) and then she can slap the NCP with daycare/medical expenses to boot. So oddly enough, her returning to work could actually increase the monthly child support amount.<P>Anyone think we oughtta reform the system???<P>Bystander

#786949 06/09/00 11:26 AM
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Id like to join in.<P>I dont only think the system needs to be revamped, I want to look into making marriages harder to get out of. I know some states are doing that. If infidelity is involved, the betrayer needs to carry AT LEAST the heavier financial burden for a long period of time IMO. I think if this country got back to "negative actions = negative consequences", there would be less law breaking of any kind. IMO, if betrayers payed for their mistakes, there would be more thought before committing adultry.<P>In my case, my H is wanting to quit giving me financial support, I reduced my hours at work for the benefit of our child with HIS BLESSING and now he thinks I should work full time too since its not "fair" to him, wants 50/50 time with 8mo old so H & OW and soon to be OC can play "family", wants 50/50 split on child expenses (he would be giving me a lot less than Missouri demands that way), wants joint custody (IMHO he is not responsible enough to have legal custody..wont be involved in decision making until I have finally had to make a plan, then he doesnt agree!!!)<P>Anyway, I thank you for the invitation to vent on this thread [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<BR>Kris

#786950 06/09/00 11:46 AM
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I am getting really scared. I have now read on two posts about once again getting screwed by the child support. I can't believe this. It really makes me wonder if I can handle this marriage. I don't know if I can constantly going to be able to handle this OW coming back for more and more. I really just want to get my life on track, and the fact this woman could keep coming back for more and more makes me sick. I don't understand. I think I am going to get sick.<P>babstr.

#786951 06/09/00 11:37 PM
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ttmf: Honey, you are just a puppy. You are so young to have to go through such a mess.<P>It doesn't make sense that the OW would get more if she were working but nothing makes sense anymore. It is as if we have all gone insane...it's Alice, Through The Looking Glass.<P>On top of the ridiculous financial aspect of everything, your BIL and SIL should determine where their loyalties lie. If it is with you, then they should grow a set and refuse to attend functions where it would appear they are giving support to the OW. Shame on them for being disloyal to you. <P>I am so sorry. I know how much these little betrayals from loved ones hurt at a time like this.<P>Blessings<P>Catnip =^^=

#786952 06/10/00 05:32 AM
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<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Sad In St Louis:<BR><B>I dont only think the system needs to be revamped, I want to look into making marriages harder to get out of. </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I think something should be done along this order as well. While I am the one who filed for divorce in my case, I am sickened by the lack of morality in the law. They say infidelity is illegal, but so what? When it comes to getting divorced on those grounds, it doesn't mean a thing. It doesn't necessarily equate to the injured spouse getting a better financial arrangement, nor does it necessarily affect the child custody and visitation arrangement. I see no protect from the law here except for the "pursuit of liberty and happiness" of the adulterer.<P>I don't really think it should be harder to get out of a marriage, but I do think that there should be some punitive measures for people who are divorced with grounds. I am told that you can't legislate morality. Maybe you can't stop people from doing something illegal and immoral, but you can sure as heck punish them for it.

#786953 06/10/00 07:42 AM
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In regards to the child support increasing as OW's earning power increases: The CS, in NY anyway, is calculated on the standard of living the OC would enjoy if the parents were together. The more money the mother makes, the greater the standard of living her child would enjoy. The 2 salaries are added, then the 17%(for one child) is calculated based upon the conjoined salary. A % is then calcalculated from that amount to determine how much each party is responsible for. Theoretically, the percentage each parent is responsible for should correlate with the salaries, eg., if they earn equal amounts, each should be responsible for half, but it never seems to work out that way, and the custodial parent is given a bonus of sorts for having custody. <P>Incidentally, 17% is for the one child per mother, 25% for two. The OC gets the larger percentage of the money by virtue of the fact that it is a single child, while married moms who have multiple children receiveless. Many OW play this to their advangtage by having one child per father, thus receiving 17% from each man. Nice.

#786954 06/10/00 02:56 PM
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That is exactly what the OW in my situation did. Has now had two children from drunken one night stands. So not only does she have two military jobs herself. She is collecting 20% from the first guy, and will get 20% from us. Great moral world we live in. You would think the law would quit rewarding these women for doing this.<P>babstr.


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