I have only been married for less then one year. Prior to our marriage my husband and I did not engage in any sex. We wanted to wait until we were married. Now after one year of marriage we are having problems with our sex life. My H is really well endowed and this is our problem. It hurts to have sex with him, sometimes for days afterward. My friends just laugh at me saying how lucky I am but it truely is affecting our relationship. Recently he wanted me to perform oral sex with him and I refused because of his size. Now he feels as if I don't care about his needs> What should I do?

Can't say I have this problem in my current situation but, in my single days I had a partner that was also well endowed. Lubrication and natural sexual desire are the key to easing the discomfort of intercourse. There are several varieties available for purchase -- though be careful if using condoms, petroleum jelly will damage them.

As for oral -- there is where you have the most control. You control how much you take in, what speed you move and what motions. Butterfly kisses, long tongue strokes, etc ... no one says you have to DT him.

Thanks for advice. There are some problems that are more difficult to deal with then others. I love my H and want to be a good wife and truly do want to make him happy and meet his needs. My H is a little more demanding about things and I am more inclined to take my time til I feel comfortable. My H is very physical and wants to have intercourse on most nights. I really don't. Especially with the pain. Lately he has become a little more pushy almost demanding that we should. I have tried to talk to him about this but he feels that he is not in the wrong. I am not really comfortable with oral sex, especially with his size, but he is beginning to become very demanding and almost forcing me. I really wish that I could think of a way to talk to him without seeming that I don't care about his needs and making him respect the way I feel both physically and mentally. Littleg

Communicate to your husband that you want to meet his needs. And it sounds like sexual fulfillment may be his strongest emotional need, so it would probably be unwise to leave this issue unaddressed.

I understand your reluctance about oral sex. I imagine most men have a desire for that type of activity. I do myself, but my W isn't enthtusiastic about it either. But what I have noticed that helps that situation is that when she takes the initiative, I don't really care how we end up making love.

Your H probably thinks that since he hurts you, oral is the only other option for his needs to be met. Can I suggest some experimentation on different lubrication/positions so that you can learn together what works?

Take him to a book store and pick out a good book on the subject (you know that section everyone doesn't want to be caught in?).

Or better yet, go see a sex counselor together. I have some friends who did and it really helped them out.

Hope you find a solution! And don't give up ... as long as he sees you trying, that is fulfilling in its own way.

Zaed

Do you try it with you on top? This way you can control the depth and speed if that is the problem.

Lubrication is a good idea.

If your not into oral, can you do other things with your hands? Or toys? So anything but withhold sexual contact.

Sometimes you have to learn to like it. I just did oral for the first time a few months ago (after 9 years of marriage) to try to please my wife more. It was almost gross for me but she loved it! So I will continue to do it from time to time. Try using something flavored if the taste is a problem.

But, tell him you will respond to his requests but not his demands.

"If your not into oral, can you do other things with your hands? Or toys? So anything but withhold sexual contact."

Meant: DO anything but don't withhold sexual contact.

My husband is very well endowed and although we starting intercourse before we were married it was just as difficult. In fact, I developed an infection soon after we started living together and the doctor said that it was because he was going so far up, that it was almost touching my falopian tubes.

As far as the pain goes, I was in the same situation. The more it hurt, the worse it got because I tensed up.

Had I been a little more liberal then (this was 14 years ago), I probably would have had a beer before we started. But instead, I tried to do self-meditation and relax (which wasn't always easy). Eventually, this started to work because the more I relaxed, the more lubricated I got and it got easier as time went by.

14 years later, it's like a well worn glove.

I have a similar problem, but my story may need a little more analysis.
I'm only 21 years old and I'm not married. I've been with my boyfriend for five years. Sex had never hurt in the past up until this past summer. The pain gradually became greater and greater. I didn't know what was wrong. I, too, continually hurt for days past sexual intercourse. I felt as if I had "cuts" inside of me or something. I can't even explain how bad it hurt. It continued for several months. Then i became so paranoid and went to my doctor with it, because I truly didn't know why it was happening. She said I did have a yeast infection and I went on medication... But i must say, it still does hurt. I don't know if it's because I just became so tense because it hurt for so long, or did he suddenly grow in size??? Maybe there is something wrong with me still that they can't diagnose? It has been truly making me miserable because I can't fulfill his needs, alike you, and now I feel like something is wrong with me. I've tried lubrications, but perhaps I'm not getting the right ones. I just hope it gets better and I don't have a health complication

I used to have the same problem and I talke dto my OB he suggested getting a toy and stretching myself out. I didn't try it but a friend did and she said it worked
Luv