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Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 183
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floored Offline OP
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Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 183
D-day was about 8 wks ago and W has been gone 7 wks. Is there a time limit to the benefit or harm that separation can cause? I would love for my W to come back, but I also want to make sure that she has the will to work on our marriage and doesn't just get frustrated and quit. Any advice is appreciated.

Joined: Jun 2000
Posts: 233
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Floored I have been asking myself the same question. Our counselor has mentioned separation to us a few times. I believe if both parties want the relationship to work and are 100% committed to doing whatever it takes then separation is NOT the answer. Please keep in mind this is my opinion. Not what may be right for everyone.<P>But if only one party is committed to rebuilding it won't work and I think separation may be key. For the committed party needs to have the time, space and as you put it "out of mind" to be able to heal in the event the WS doesn't come back. Or never fully commits to recovery.<P>I just told my H that I needed this. I didn't want either one of us to fully move out until we know exactly what we are going to do. But that we not see each other or keep our distance for a while or however you look at it. Maybe a room or small place for one the other or both to sleep and share the weekend. I know doesn't make sense. But this is so hard for me when I desperatly want to be with my H. I question my H's committment so I've been forced to make this decision. And it's hard when he's telling me how much he loves me and how much we belong to each other and yet I'm still lied to. Whether the lies are about something physical or a call or just a glance it doesn't matter. The act of lying does more damage than anyone would imagine. It leaves room for speculative answers to questions that only the WS can give. And in the weakened state of the BS the answers could be so outrageous. <P>Anyway I'm carrying on. I believe that if there are feelings left inside someone about their partner that separation wouldn't result in out of sight out of mind. It would only result in a void. If you are in her heart then you will be on her mind. It's only been 8 weeks. So little time. Concentrate on yourself right now. It's a good time to rediscover yourself. Take it day by day. It's a LONG hard road. One I'm still traveling. But things will get better. I believe. I have faith. Take Care. <P>------------------<BR>Lost Soulmate<P>"Character is doing what's right, when no one is looking"<p>[This message has been edited by lostsoulmate (edited October 23, 2000).]


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