My wife and I are seeking to reconcile our marriage. OW is due May/June and wants to meet with my wife and I and talk child support. She may put the baby up for adoption, but has not decided yet.<P>I did a search and found two topics regarding child support in California. One suggested a going to link freeadvice.com. I will definately check that out.<P>My questions:<BR>- should we get a lawyer?<BR>- is paternity test required?<BR>- is spouses income included or just mine?<BR>- how do they come to a decision on how much child support payments will be?<BR>- are liabilities included in calculation (mortgage, car payments, credit debt)?<P>I noticed an old note from NaiveOne75 that said the California average is 25%, and half of child care expenses. Is this 25% of my monthly income?<P>Thanking you in advance for any help that you can supply.

hi primetarget. i don't know much about california law, have you vistited freeadvice.com and posted in the forum? sometimes you can get pretty good advice. and i am sure someone here will be able to give you some advice soon.<P>take care.<P>happy_girl

Yes you should get a lawyer, he/she can tell you exactly what the law in your state is. And you should ask for a dna test. That way there is no doubt about who the father of the child is later down the road.<P>How does your w feel about talking to ow ? Her feelings (your w's) MUST come first if you want to be able to work the marriage out. Please don't expect her to be all sweetness and light where ow is concerned, that would be asking too much from any human being.<P>------------------<BR>Deb<P>Hepatitis C, Please educate yourself ! <A HREF="http://www.hepatitis-central.com/<P>In" TARGET=_blank>http://www.hepatitis-central.com/<P>In</A> memory of a very dear friend <A HREF="http://fathom.org/teemingmillions/wally.adp" TARGET=_blank>http://fathom.org/teemingmillions/wally.adp</A>

Get a lawyer. Let the lawyer work things through with her, AFTER you get a DNA test. As far as I'm concerned there is no sense in putting your wife through a meeting with this person. And if your wife isn't there, neither are you. Let the lawyer take care of everything.

Actually, my wife and I have discussed it and she doesn't have a problem with the three of us meeting. And I know that the other woman and I meeting alone IS NOT an option so we can drop that whole discussion.<P>My wife even initiated a conversation with me in regards to us adopting the child since we cannot have children. I told her that at this point I feel that the baby would be too much of a reminder for both of us.<P>Yes, of course my wife comes first. She is a very godly woman and is teaching me what it means to live a life dedicated to christlikeness.<P>What I am looking for here is advice on what to expect based on my questions from your experiences. Like,<P>- do child support payments take affect before the birth of the child or only after?<BR>- when can she file for child support?<BR>- are a DNA test and paternity the same thing?<BR>- can a DNA test be done before the birth or only after?<P>Sorry if I am being a little abrupt, but I need some information and quickly. Thank you in advance for any help you can provide.

PrimeTarget, see if you can get a freind of the court hand book for the state you live in . In Michigan first child has to be born than paterity has to be established with a dna test if it is 99% than thats enough for the courts to order child support which each state has diffrent guidlines as to how much they want to make your life misable. Iam sure more help will be coming your way. bye flowerseed

PT,<P>DNA can be done before birth IF the XOW is willing to have an amniocentesis, which is a very person decision, as there is a small miscarriage rate with that. It can be done by blood sample or cheek swabs after birth. The (placental)cord blood can also be saved and used to prevent having to stick the little one, if using blood. <P>Re: adopting the OC, don't be too quick to count it out. If the XOW would give up ALL custody, I think I could still do that today, 2+ years later. Some people have that ability, and your wife might be one of them. Just look at the men on this board raising the OC by OM with their wives. The trick, I think, is getting the OP COMPLETELY out of the picture. I will never "forget" my H's affair, no matter how much I forgive anyone, and having his child to enjoy and share OUR values with would be easier to me than forking out a big chunk of his income to the XOW and having a kid out there we cannot influence. You see? A third party adoption might be better, but personally speaking I'd still pick raising OC over paying XOW. (BTW, we have lost 4 of our 6 pregnancies, cannot have more, and considering adoption. Most adoption is complicated and expensive... something to think about) Given your W's values and love and understanding of the circumstances (infertility, illness) etc. etc., maybe the OC could be a great blessing to your lives.<P>Just my 2 cents,<BR>Best wishes!!<BR>Jenny<BR><p>[This message has been edited by Jenny (edited December 10, 2000).]

Thank you Jenny. You have been a blessing to me.