My BIL told me he was going to talk to my W and just tell her how much damage she was doing to her family and her kids, so I told him to let me know what she said. I wasn't sure if I wanted to hear what she had said, but he told me and it seems like the Harley's predictions hold true again. She said that she didn't see how she could ever come back to me because she didn't even know if she ever loved me. She said that she didn't even know if she knew what love was..what a load of BS. She cried a lot and I think is starting to realize what incredible pain she has caused. She is still preoccupied with the baby in the hospital, which is understandable, but I think, like K said, "when you inject reality into an affair, things start falling apart". W said that she wouldn't even consider marrying OM, but that was as far as she went about OM except to say that OM's W was just as devastated as I was. I wish I could recommend this website to her, but I really don't want to even make that call to HIS house. Anyway, just wanted to update a little..keep those prayers coming and hopefully my W will start seeing the light!! She did tell my BIL that she wished that I would be mean to her so that she wouldn't feel so bad for doing what she did!! That makes me want to be really sweet!<BR>As far as the financial obligations, do y'all think that I should break Plan B guidelines and contact her directly, because of questions she might have, or go through third person? Thanks for input.<BR>Floored

Do NOT break Plan B and use a Third Party!<P>Now is not the time to waffle when she is on the cusp of seeing the realities of what she has done.<P>You are doing an excellent job of maintaining plan B, Floored. Stay strong.<P>Catnip =^^=<P>

Dear Floored,<BR>When my h left me to move in with ow, one of the things I had to do was have the police go and recover the car he was using because it was in my name and under my insurance policy. I couldn't afford to pay the insurance on that car and the one I was driving at the same time on what income I had and on what meagar child support I was getting. nor did I feel like I should be paying for him to escort ow around ttown and to work. I knew full well that h could never afford to pay for his own insurance - due to previous speeding tickets - and I knew this would put him in a spot regarding how he would even get to work. But he needed to have just a taste of what life was going to be without me. I am guessing that if your wife figures out she can't live on any part of your income this, and that she will truly be on her own, this will be another big dose of the reality vaccine. I'm sure om isn't going to step in to take care of her financial needs and wants, and the sooner she realizes this, the better. I am in agreement with everyone who said that you should use a third party. If there are questions, they can be relayed through the third party. And you should consider this, as I did: If the other person is driving the car that's still on your insurance plan, if there is an accident YOUR insurance will go up. Doesn't matter if you are not the one who gave him permission to drive it. In my case, my h and ow both were drinking heavily throughout their relationship, and I knew I could not risk my future insurance priveleges. And surprise, ow didn't think my h was quite as much fun to be with when he had no car and less money.<BR>Best of luck...stick with Plan B<BR>-cd

Floored, keep with Plan B. Do contact via a third party. Perferably a very neutral party such as a lawyer, minister, etc. No BIL or any other family member. They can be manipulated. Someone that she feels less comfortable with will be what needs to happen. This should just be a dry, matter of fact encounter. She can communicate back to you via them. <P>You are doing the right thing. Hang in there. Carolyn

floored:<P>Stay in Plan B. Any accidental contact---be sweet!!!<P>You're doing great, really!!! <P>God bless.

You all told me what I thought I should do in the first place..thanks for the confirmation. I talked to Jenn today for just about 5 min. and she said that if my W ever asks if I would take a woman back that didn't love me that I should say "you bet I do!!". She just reaffirms the fact that even though my W doesn't love me now, if she will follow the Harley principles, that love will come back and come back in a big way. I only hope that we get the chance. It's like getting to play in the big game, but having to wait on the other team!! I am encouraged by the fact that this A/OC situation is playing out just the way Jenn said it would. I hope it continues to fall apart.<BR>Floored

floored:<P>You're a quick study. And one of the reasons that Harley advocates these methods is because nearly ALL affairs go through this exact same process. The timing can vary some, but for the most part, they're all the same.<P>And the plans are their to help you grow, to give your marriage the best chance for the longest time possible, and to help you quickly heal should you end up needing to move on. And for those who have done this process "by the book", I haven't seen any that weren't successful, regardless of the outcome with the marriage.<P>

floored,<BR>I've never been in your shoes but I just want to add my support to your situation. I'm so impressed with your strength, courage, fortitude, and values! Your kids are sooo lucky! K's been there and done that and been giving good advise on it for years now...<P>keep it up and goodluck, MBmen!!