I did it....I told my friend last night. Actually, I told her Mom and let her Mom tell her. Afterwards, my friend called me and I talked to her on and off all night long. We've hardly had any sleep at all. She took it VERY hard!!!!! She's talking about checking herself into a hospital today. I wish that I could do something to make it easier, but she's incredibly upset over her H and OW having a baby. She called her H at some point in the middle of the night and told him that she knows. He told her to stop harrassing him and then forwarded his calls to his attorneys phone....what an a**hole!!!!!! He's at work today with my H, but so far he hasn't said anything (he's been in meetings all morning). I hope that I did the right thing....hearing my friend so upset has made me feel very bad for telling her <p>[This message has been edited by Angelface (edited February 09, 2001).]

Angel, yes you did the right thing she needed to know. I was never told until after oc was 2 weeks old and that was from ow calling me and telling me. It has been over a year now and it still bothers me that nobody thought I was important enough to tell me. Just be there for her that is all you can do. I agree her h is a big a hole. Maybe you can let her know about this site. Take care you and your friend are in my prayers. with love flowerseed

Angelface,<BR>Don't think for one second that you did the wrong thing. I think flowerseed had an excellent idea..telling your friend about this forum. She could get on today and just start asking questions right and left. I know when I found this site I checked it several times a day to see if people had responded to my threads. Heck, I still do check it often, but more to check on other people now. Tell her how unfortunately this has happened to so many people and that we would be happy to help her through this hell she is going through. We understand what she is going through and unless someone she knows, besides you, has gone through this, they will be little comfort to her. Again, you did the right thing and your friend will acknowledge that when she is able to digest this latest bomb.<BR>Floored

Infertility, adultery, and now this--anyone would be a basketcase. You still did the right thing!!! Just be there for her. If she needs to be hospitalized for a time, it is NOT your fault!! It would not be weird for her to feel suicidal under such stress. I'm not sure if MB would be much comfort to her for long since her marriage isn't, but she deserves to know that she isn't the only one who has been through these things!! We have seen on these boards that many marriages suffer during infertility and pregnancies. (I think her H's inability to deal with it shows lack of strength/character!) There is hope for her and her tomorrow... she needs to know there will be a tomorrow, there is hope, she will get over this grief with time and can still have a good life. They say, when one door closes, another opens. <P>angels to all,<BR>Jenny

Angel:<P>It took compassionate courage for you to tell your friend what she so desparately needed to hear. She has known for quite sometime that there was more to the story but probably couldn't put her finger on it. As difficult as this was for you to do and for her to hear, she now has the informaiton that so many others have and she is no longer feeling the fool in that respect.<P>In time she wil come to appreciate the difficult thing you did for her and she will be able to make informed decisions now because of it.<P>Bless you for thinking of her and helping her get through this very humiliating revelation...and pox on her worthless husband and his heartless Whoure.<P>Catnip =^^=<p>[This message has been edited by catnip (edited February 09, 2001).]

Thank you all so much for your encouragement. I've talked to my friend today and she is still very upset...but I know that it will take some time before she feels any relief. It's just so unfair. She's as good as gold and would never, ever hurt anyone. <P>I wish that I could be with her, but she moved to another state after she found out about the affair. I remember last year when I had surgery, she was standing right next to me holding my hand when I woke up. She was a big support to my family and stayed at the hospital the whole time. She took my children while I was recovering. I wish that there was something that I could do to ease her pain now.<P>Flowerseed, thank you for the prayers and support. I wish that I could bring her to this board, but unfortunately she doesn't have a computer at her parent's house (and her H kept theirs when they seperated). I think that I will print out some of the most helpful post and send them to her so that she will at least know that she's not alone.<P>Floored, thank you for giving me the idea to tell her Mom. I wish that I could have been there with her, I feel so far removed. You are so kind to think of my friend and to be here for me during a time that is hard for you too. You have a very big heart and I'll keep my fingers crossed and hope that your wife realises what a great H she has.<P>Jenny, thanks for reminding me that it's not my fault. I hated being the messenger of such bad news, especially since she's been thru so much already with just the affair. I've recommended a few books for her to read. They won't help as far as repairing her marraige at this point, but it will at least help her understand how/why these things happen. And I will keep reminding her that she's not alone and tell her how many people here are praying for her.

Catnip, thank you for your support. Yep, my friend said just what you did....that she knew in her heart and gut before I even told her. Last night, in the midst of her pain and tears, she thanked me for telling her. I know from experience that it's much easier to deal with reality than to not know what's going on. Her H does deserve the pox...and his twit OW too!!! <P>Thanks again for all your help....I would be going berzerk without everyone's replies.

Angelface, you showed who you are and who you stand by. Your friends H is no one that I would want to call a friend. She would eventually have found out about this and now she will know that your loyalty was with her. It is not always easy doing the right thing.<P>Take care of yourself and your friend. God bless you. Carolyn

Carolyn, <P>It was so hard disclosing this information to her knowing how badly it was going to hurt her. But at least that part is over and now we can work on getting her thru this and helping her to heal. And you are right, her H is noone that I want for a friend any longer! Can you believe the nerve of him even announcing the OW's pregancy in front of me, knowing how close that I am to his W. The more I think about it, the more I think that he wanted me to tell her! That way he'd be off the hook and wouldn't have to tell her himself....what a coward!!!!

angel,<BR>I agree on both counts: what he was doing and what a jerk!