My D had a basketball game today and it was my turn to go, W and I had agreed to switch off. My W called before the game to see if I cared if she went. I told her that was not the agreement and she said that it was riduculous for either of us to have to miss one of D's games. She said that she understood what I was doing as far as Plan B, but that it was just a theory I had. I tried to explain how I wanted to save my love for her and that by missing a game here and there was for the good of our D in the long run. Anyway, she said she was coming and that was that. We then started talking about why she didn't want to come back and she said she didn't know if she ever even loved me. That crap again? She thinks the MB techniques might work with other people, but wouldn't with her. I explained the rule of protection, care and honesty and told her that if allowed to, I would imlpement them and hopefully never hurt her again. I told her that she didn't have to love me right now and that she only needed to give us a chance. She thinks that she will never feel differently and that it's too late for us. She said that she doesn't hate me and that she is so far past that that she doesn't want to try. The only reason she hasn't filed for divorce yet is that she doesn't want to seem like the "bad guy". She has it in her thick head that the kids will be better off in a divorced home than in a home where the mom is not happy. Talk about rationalization, she needs to be on Springer. I told her that I loved her and that I wanted her back with us and that I wanted the OC too. I know that it eats her up inside when I'm nice, but I really don't do that to hurt her. It is a nice extra though!! Y'all pray for her that she will pull her head out of the sand and start realizing that she is about to push me totally out of the picture. She still isn't thinking straight and doesn't even know what she will do in the next month, let alone the next year. By the way, she did cough up $500 which she got from her dad. I think that was hard for her to do, but again, that wasn't something I did to spite her, we needed it.<BR>Floored

floored,<BR>Me Doth think the lady protestest too much! In other words, she's feeling the pressure and wishes you'd quit...it's working! Maybe K's got a different spin.<P>Rooting for you,<BR>Jenny

Floored,<P>I am so sorry that your W is continuing to put you through this. I know that we joke around about me flying out there, but it is all to put a light view on it, and to make you smile a little. But, I know that this isn't something to take too lightly. She really sounds like she doesn't know what she wants at all. With me, I got to a point, before D-day and after, that I would look at myself in the mirror, and had no idea who I was looking at. In a way, I was lucky that OM showed his true colors on D-day. He is still showing them too. My H was chatting on AOL yesterday, and who should pop up w/an instant message? He thought it was me for some reason, and was saying all these things like calling me a b&*%# and slut. We just ignored it, but he came back with "hohoho.....". At that point, we blocked him completely, and today signed up a new screen name. Too bad the OM in your situation couldn't have done something like that to show what he could really be like. Just like these OW's who know the man is married, both the OM in our situations know we are married, but still won't let go. I wish there was something I could say to make this better for you, but I am at a loss for words for your situation. Just know that we do pray for you and your W and think about you guys.<P>On a lighter note, how is the baby doing? Have you heard anything? Just curious.<P>Tigger

At least she called and asked-even if she didn't comply with the agreement. Why is she calling you anyway?<P>I loved how my husband thought of every excuse in the book to call me when he was supposedly involved with OW.<P>Old habits are hard to break, Floored. She hasn't filed for divorce because she doesn't want to look like the "Bad Guy", huh? I don't believe that is the only reason. We all hate change and uncertainty and divorce is so final. Regardless who wants the divorce, those plaguing doubts make the instigator nervous, questioning as to whether or not they want this drastic change.<P>What was her demeanor and body language? I know her dialogue was blah, blah, blah, but sometimes the words don't match the actions.<P>I'm glad you got some money for the kids. It's tough making ends meet when you're alone.<P>Catnip =^^=

I too think she is still struggling with the divorce decision. Catnip, when I did see my W at the game, we didn't really talk, because she was talking and holding my 4 yr. old S. As far as her body language, it almost seems like she is putting on an act for everyone and acts all happy. I don't understand it when she acts as though the kids are going to be fine as long as she and I act as loving parents, even though we will live apart. I asked her for examples of happy divorces, and of cource she couldn't tell me. She has gone off the deep end with her rationlizations, it's so frustrating when there is no reality in her. I still think she needs some more time to get the baby out of the hospital and see how difficult it will be to support herself and send CS to our 2 other kids. She's not even thinking about the future, is that because she knows how hard it is and she just doesn't want to think about it. As far as the baby, I think she is doing good, but I just get bits and pieces of info from my D. I don't want to invest any energy and risk pain in knowing the baby until I have a vested interest in her life, hopefully as my child.<BR>Floored