I know several of you are disappointed that I didn't implement the Plan B as it was designed, but I guess I thought I could inject some reality into my W's way of thinking. Well, let this be a lesson to you all...reality doesn't seem to be a choice in the multiple guess world our WS' live in!! After my conversation last night with my W, who is living with OM, she is still under the fog that allows her to think WE would never work out and that she ISN'T in a fantasy world. Needless to say, I was angry and told her to get the papers to me ASAP so that I can put all of this pretend world nonsense to rest. <P>Even after all of this crap she has put me through, I would still take her back in a heartbeat. After we sign the divorce papers and are officially divorced, I plan to give her a letter that states that I will promise to wait for her for 1 year from the divorce date in hopes of a reconciliation. Right now I am just sick of knowing she is living with OM and is still married to me. I know it is a weird way of thinking, but maybe the divorce will give me a type of closure. Who knows, maybe I will just feel relief.<BR>Floored

floored:<P>Personally, I think that's a good plan. The only reason to divorce is to ensure the custody situation you currently have---and that's a great reason. Otherwise, I would do exactly as you say: deliver a Plan B letter with your intent to stay and wait if she should want to return to the marriage. And no contact.<P>And give it a year. It's not like you'll be ready for a relationship in that time anyway---so it's a good use of the "waiting" period.

Floored, I was in this situation with my h.He met exow a year after we separated.As soon as I found out,I filed for divorce. He acted like it was o.k, but one of our friends told me he went over the night he received the papers and was crying.Still he lived with ow for 7 more months.After 2 months I withdrew the divorve request and went for a legal separation.I My attorney sent the signed papers to him and there they sat for 5 months.After a while I pretended to have met some one .His relationship with the ow took an immediate nose dive after that. A month later , they broke up. Then still a month after that, he found out she was pregnant. He still moved home. That was 2 years ago. THings are still tough because the op is ALways there because of the oc, but slowly ,they are getting better.

Dear floored,<BR>I think that is an excellent idea. but could I offer just one little suggestion - maybe when you write your official plan b letter, you should not state that you will wait exactly one year. I would just be afraid that she might see it as an opportunity to screw around for 364 days before making up her mind. i think you should definitely give it a year to see how things play out, but maybe when you put it in writing, you could tell her that you plan to wait for "a reasonable amount time" for her, but not be so specific. Let her worry a little about when her time is going to run out.<P>I also think you should implement plan b right down to the tiniest detail - especially the no contact part.<P>I do so hope things turn around for you one way or another. Sounds like the new job will be a great start!<BR>cd