It's been a while since I've been here; but I thought I'd offer my two cents..for what it's worth...Mine; he still hasnt discussed it much...I get bits and pieces of why; but not the whole picture. Even 10 months later...I really dont know..He has said he is "non-confrontational" and didnt want to deal with our issues at home; financially; the fact that I was beginning to move farther and faster in my career and making more money than him...and spending less time at home. He also wanted to "sow his wild oats"...but yet he jumps from one marriage to now another one? I guess his OW is less threatening and intimidatig. She doesnt even have a high school diploma and makes biscuits at a fast food restaurant for a living...I guess that's more appealing to him than an attractive, smart woman with a college education and a career; not just a job? WHATEVER...Just my take on it...<BR>Take care and God bless!<BR>Forget the past and look to the future...Depend on God and press on toward the prize! <BR>ALONEANDSAD

I think the reason mine did it was out of anger towards me. I to was moving farther ahead making good money and didnt think I needed my h in my life. I got sick of trying and just gave up. When it had finally reached the point that I felt there was nothing at all to work with anymore was when h figured out that what he had was what he wanted all along. To late the last time he was with her she had just quit taking her pills and here were are.He says he had sex with her 3 times I still dont know if I believe him. I guess it really dont matter one time was to many. ow had been chaseing h for about 6 months before it happened they worked together and I knew what she was up to but I just didnt think he could be that low. The first time I remember seeing her on a job he had said she looked like a little boy so I really didnt think I had anything to worry about. I think by me not standing up for what I was feeling about her chasing him he seen it as a sign that I didnt care.I think he just figured it was over between us and didnt care about what he was doing. He hated his bosses and instead of me standing behind him I found myself putting him down and she just happened to be there to jump on the first chance she got. He had quit this job because of there treatment before and I was the one to belittle him into going back. I believe when she seen she wasnt going to get him to just leave me was when she decided to get knocked up she knew what a good father he is to our little girl and if she had his kid then she thought she could take him away. I think that is my biggest problem with her is that she knew that we were a family and it did not matter she used a kid to try to distroy it. They had worked together off and on for 3 yrs when they happened to be on the same jobs. She told me that he said we were together only for the child and that was the only reason he was here. She said she was no home wrecker and that he told her there was no home to wreck. He has denied this and said he never said anything like that. I asked her if it hadnt crossed her mind that if that was the case that he would have had his own place before you go after someone you have no business being with.Her reply I guess I f***** up. Never a I'm sorry just a smart a** cocky attitude like I took something from her. Thats about all I have been able to figure out as far as the why he is really sickend by what he has done and really hasnt talked about it much. I do know that when it happened he was not at all a happy person I thought he was doing drugs he seemed so messed up. I think I rambled enough. with love flowerseed

I look back and I am not sure what went wrong. Their affair lasted 7 years and how are you supposed to remember what was right or wrong with your relationship that long ago? How are you supposed to know when he won't really tell you?<P>He says that it was just a big f*****g ego trip. I was developing asthma at the time and could no longer go out to a bar to have a drink and play a couple of games of pool with him. He met her at the bar. She was younger, slimmer, pretty (not beautiful as he says I am) and very intelligent. He likes the mental spark of intellectual argument. He says that the sex was better with me. She wasn't very interested after the first couple of months. He says that I am much more sexually assertive, and I have got that cucumber thing down pat. <P>She came on to him. He found it thrilling and he "watched his integrity crumble." He has always been a risk-taker in certain areas of his life. <P>I think we had a couple of problems going on at the time, some of which we still haven't solved. I think that I was his one and only had something to do with it. I had dated over thirty guys (no, no, no, Iwasn't a slut, just a very social being).<P>I think that another problem was my increasing weight problem (read "ouch, ouch, ouch, fat comments).<P>We weren't doing much of that intellectual sparking that we did when we were dating. We are on opposite sides of the political spectrum and he has made very many disrespectful comments about my (leftist) political beliefs. So....I gave up having those discussions with him. Lately I told him why that part of our life slipped away and how judged I felt. I even told him that when he talks about other people in disrespectful ways it makes me hesitant to open myself up for more of the same. He used to like the differences between us, now he seems to think we should be cut from the same cloth.<P>I think our biggest problem was that he developed panic disorder. He became afraid that he was going to die during sex; he was on his way to becoming agoraphobic when I persuaded him to see a shrink. He put him on an anti-anxiety drug that gave him erecticle dysfunction. So, our sex life was the pits for 18 months before he began the affair. He refused to talk to me or a doctor about it. He said he didn't miss the sex and didn't care. Just sour grapes I think because I missed it and cared very much. I think he felt himself responding to the OW and and jumped at the chance to have a sex life again. After the newness wore off, he had the same problems with her as he did with me.<P>Now we have Viagra and things are great again. Neither one of us cares that an erection comes from a little blue pill. He can have the medication for his mental health and a medication that restores our sex lives.<P>Now if I would just lose the weight (which he still refuses to admit was a problem or is a problem for him) I think we would be back on solid ground.<P>Mrs. Job

oh my, what have i started with the deep throat thing! you ladies are bad bad bad. but so am i! keep up the good work. it was nice to have a little fun with such a serious post! LOL ladies (and gents!) <P>------------------<BR>Zebra Baby ...<P>Lord, give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

we were actually still newly weds. we were both naive and didn't really know what we were getting into when we got married. so the problems started right away, big arguments over lots of little things. we just had no communication. we never had sex. i kind of used it as my revenge for him not being able to communicate the way i wanted him to. and slowly we just fell apart. he left, went to his brothers. as soon as she found out she went a running to his house. came onto him. he was starving so to speak and she was offering him some food.<P>well, after he moved back home and we decided to try to work on things, she came after him one last time. she pulled out all the stops, tears, the whole bowl of wax. he fell for it, and that is when she got pregnant. she has admitted to knowing she could get pregnant then, and she wanted to. he cut off all contact with her after that. we changed our phone number right after he told me about the affair, which was about a month or so after the last time they were together. he had to stop going to his brothers on my request since that is where she had came to see him, and he had to come home right after work. he used to go to his brothers and hang out till i got home. he hates being home alone. <P>they never kissed. never even took off their clothes. just exposed the necessary body parts. pretty sad.<P>now he has no idea why he risked so much. at the time there didn't seem like there was much to be risking. we were miserable. he said he was weak, and she was offering what he hadn't had in months. having had so many guy friends, i can totally see where he was coming from. and i never withold sex anymore for reasons like i did before. it is not a weapon. i know i had a part in our affair. i used to push and push for him to talk to me the way I wanted to talk. the way I wanted to solve problems. <P>he wasn't drunk, wish he was, that would have helped explain it a little. but he was sex deprived and being offered a quickie, and he went for it. thinking with the wrong head, the one with no brain...... <P>happy_girl

moving on up