<BR>Hi guys; <P>I know it's been a while...I havent really felt much like posting recently because this is a site dedicated to rebuilding marriages...and as hard as I've tried (those of you who have followed my posts for the last 10 months know I have hoped and tried and prayed) the fruits of my efforts have produced NOTHING! He wants to be with her and I accept that. I've finally met her face to face and actually talked with her...I dont see what it is...and frankly; at this point; I dont even care. My divorce can be final in as little as 50 days. It's going to be a difficult time; but I look forward to beginning a new. My children are doing better...they still dont understand and I dont expect them to (my d is almost 7 and my s is almost 4) They still have hopes that mommy and daddy will get back together; especially my d...but I think I have done well to explain everything and not make her father look like the shovanistic selfish jerk that he is...in due time; in due time is what I keep telling myself. I have been able to reflect on all of this better recently...I am doing better with my career since my H left; My finances are better (the bills are actually getting paid--->ON TIME); my children and I are getting along much better and we spend a lot of time together; I get to spend more time with MY family...So, in reflection; the OW did me a favor. My life in retrospect is better...I still long for that connection and my marriage; but It's time to move forward and forget past failures...I accept my part in the failure of my marriage and I know that GOD has forgiven me for it; I have even appologized to my H; which is the right thing for me to do...He appologized to me; but hasnt explained his actions; I still dont think he even understands and if he ever did; God help him; because he would realize how unhappy he really is. He has put on 50 lbs since our separation...I have lost 50 lbs. I still dont think he's happy..but that's on him. I dont want him to be unhappy; but then again; I dont think it's fair that he should be allowed to be happy with the person who helped turn my world upside down. Through the strength given to me by God; I am getting past this...and am able to find some sort of peace and solice in all of this. I know that there is so much out there for me now and I'm ready to see what it is that God has to bless me with. I see where my H was holding me back in my career and financially because he is so satisfied with mediocrity and I am not and have never been. Maybe we should never have been together; but we were and that doesnt make the hurt go away any faster.<P>I saw the OW engagement ring (if you want to call it that-looks like it came out of a cracker jack box) on Easter Sunday. The more I think about it the more I realize how much of a favor she did me. He still tells lies...is probably cheating on her...but that's not my concern anymore. The baby looks NOTHING like him...I finally saw her on Easter Sunday also...it was a big day for me. I was in the home where the affair took place...the only way I got through it was through the grace and strength of God. <P>Ow almost seems to gloat in my presence...but she is not even attractive; so I let it go...The only thing that I dont understand is...If she is so proud of her actions and what she has done (broken up a family) Why couldnt she look me in the eye? Why did she have to constantly look down at the ground versus look me in the eye? They both need to be ashamed of what they have done to that baby; her child and my two children! Not to mention me...I just wish my H could stand on the outside; versus being so caught up in this woman's web of deceit and look from the outside in...and see the devestation and see how much he has lost to gain 1 child that might not even be his and this woman...He has lost a son and a daughter; a marriage; his entire family and support system; my family; friends...All for what? A crappy job that breeds sin that an 18 year old kid could do...a chic who cared nothing for him and his family who doesnt even have a high school diploma. One day; One day; he will see...I hope...it's just going to be too late when he does! Me and the children will be long gone from his life because they will realize without my having to even say a word what a loser he is...walking out on them and their mother...spending little or no time with them; through his own choices; and not paying child support-watching me have to struggle to make ends meet through dental bills (right now my d has 900 pending of which he is 1/2 responsible and hasnt paid a cent) and medical bills (even with insurance. It's just sad that a man can walk away to do what he wants to do and have what he wants to have to satisfy HIS needs without givig any forethought to the many consequences of his selfish actions.<P>I just thought I'd vent and share. I have to be so upbeat and positive most of the time around the children; I need somewhere to vent. I try not to let HIM or the children know that it still bothers me a little.<P>Thanks again everyone for being such a great support system for the last 10 months! Ive missed all of you! <P>ALONEANDSAD

alone,<P>God bless you and your kids! You are GREAT! You're handling this with AMAZING GRACE!! I'm so impressed that you haven't put down their father to your kids; you're right, they will figure him out on their own and more's the pity.<P>I'm sorry you're going through such hard times but you can walk proud and pat on the back! In 10 years this will be a distant memory.<P>Blessings and angels all over you,<BR>J

aloneandsad,<BR>I'm glad you dropped in to let us know how things are going with you. You gave it your best shot you will find as jenny has just said that this will be a distant memory in time. In may take some time but I think the two of them will feel the shame they both should be feeling it could be they already do. For some reason the gloating you see in ow must be a part of who they are even though the ow didnt succeed in distroying my family she still gloats. I dont understand it and I guess I never want to.It is just so sad that people can be so evil. You do what your doing go get yourself the life you deserve and let them mess up theres as they are already doing. You have a life ahead of you all they have is the living hell they have created they will get theres must likely sooner then you think. I think in time you will surely find that she did you a big favor when you find the person that treats you as you should be treated. I cant help but feel a little like the ow in our case did me a favor also if what happened had not happenend,I really dont think this family would have made it. All this hell made mine open his eyes to what was really important in life. Come here anytime you feel the need. I was thinking about you lately wondering how you were. Only good things will be waiting for you go find them. with love flowerseed <BR>

Dear aloneandsad,<BR>I am so sorry that it turned out this way, but your grace and courage are inspiring.<P>I'll bet God has GREAT things in store for you.<P>with love,<BR>cd

Dear Aloneandsad,<P>Im sorry for all you've been through.<BR>I agree that God has many good things <BR>in store for you and little ones.<BR>You are in my prayers. Take care, fluke

Dear aloneandsad,<P>I am also glad that you gave us an update. Like the others have said, you have shown amazing grace in your situation.<P>I believe with all my heart that there is a rainbow for people who suffer like you have suffered. You are on the right track wanting to finally make yourself happy. Good luck to you. <P>You will probably have your turn to gloat when that "marriage" falls apart between your soon to be ex-H and the OW. A house built on a rotten foundation may look pretty on the outside but it does not stand for long.<P>Prayers to you and your children,<BR>love,<BR>heavely

Aloneandsad... I am just so wrapped up in your post. I guess after following along for so many months and wondering what would happen in your situation. You have tried so hard and been so tolerant. <P>I don't know if you have seen any of my posts, but I am finishing my divorce also. I think there are sometimes when all the efforts in the world cannot overcome the internal issues (and perhaps flaws) of the WS. <P>I am glad to know that other levels of your life are ok... (bills, job, etc.). I know what you mean about just on occasion having to vent. I have begun to also think that maybe OW was meant to have my H and that she deserves all the pain he eventually caused me. It will come around, some day and some way. It really doesn't matter to me. As long as my kids are ok... that is all I need. I am raising my niece, whos mother passed away almost 2 years ago and her father (my brother) is currently in jail. She is doing ok. If I can make that happen for her, then God will give me the strength and wisdom to make the same things happen for my boys. I am sure of it... for you an me both. <P>Feel free to write me any time on my own email if you want to. Since we are both on the "almost divorced" side of things, I may not be here at MB too much longer. My email is: CRHUTSELL@excite.com<P>Take care & go on with life. Live it with love, laughter and peace of mind. That is what God expects us to do. Carolyn

aloneandsad,<P>i am sorry that it has all come to this. but am so glad that you are doing so well. you can and will make it through this. it is your H's loss in the long run, and you leave knowing that you gave it your all. my prayers for you and your children that you will have a wonderful, happy life. you deserve all the happiness there is!<P>happy_girl

I just wanted to thank all of you for your kind words and encouragement over the past months...When my heart was breaking; you guys were there....To comfort and give advice; when I was trying my hardest to cope and understand; you all offered comfort and consolment...When I tried to save my marriage; you offered advice on how to go about it. Thank You all so much. I dont know if I would have made it through without this sight and I do want to say that I have come through. I am ready to begin the next chapter in my life...without my H. Sure he will always be there; but not as my H...as HERS and frankly...They do deserve each other. Contrary to what most people may feel about OW; I dont wish her harm and I dont wish her to EVER feel the pain that I have felt. (Although if he did it to me; he will do it to her; what goes around comes around and God has a way of repaying the evil deeds of OP in one way or another...and it will be 10 times worse than what we experienced as the BS-I take comfort in knowing that someday; in someway; SHE will be repayed her misdeeds; maybe not in the same way; but it will happen and I will let GOD handle my vindication; because he is a God of justice and he doesnt like to see the righteous harmed-he protects and vindicates those who are faithful!) Yes; they may get married and they may live a blissful life for a while,...but how long does lust really last? <P>I have come so far; but still have so far to go. It really speaks volumes about who I have become in the last 10 months when my D said to me "Mommy-I wish you and daddy were still together; but it's ok if youre not, because I like you a lot more when daddy isnt around" I was unhappy with my life with my H...Admittedly so...I have gotten a revelation...I didnt like myself very much so how could I like him; our life together; or anything for that matter? I was a mean and bitter person...I didnt like that person...but for the first time in 28 years; I like myself...I have lost 53 lbs...(H has put on what I have lost which is a sure sign of unhappines) I am secure in who I am and who I am becoming. I really like the woman who is inside of me...she was always here; I just didnt know it. I dont think staying with H; I would have ever found her...He was controlling and manipulative; I was alway angry and yelling...I rarely yell anymore..I know that someday I will find that special someone...but if not; Im ok with that because for the first time I dont have to be validated by ANYONE!!! (When I was growing up I did beauty pagents up until I was 19->I needed the judge to validate that I was beautiful; all my life I needed my family or a boyfriend to validate that I am worthy of being loved; I needed my teachers in high school and college to validate that I am smart; I needed my bosses to validate that I am a good and hard worker...I still need some of that; but not like I used to ; I used to need it constantly) The only thing I need to know is that GOD loves me no matter what-HE knew what he was getting when he created me; so I'm not a surprise to him; nothing about me is a surprise! I guess what I'm telling you guys is that I am going to be ok...I have a rough couple of months ahead..It will be difficult knowing my H is marrying OW; but I take comfort in knowing that is all she will ever be is the mistress; the OW...She can call herself his wife and he can call her his wife; but everyone who knows what they did knows what she is...and that is nothing but a homewrecker! His family...me; my children...Our friends...Noone will ever accept her! Marriage is hard enough without the complications of beginning it this way..and I take comfort in that because even if things are peachy keen now; as soon as the marriage certificate is signed; they both will change and the honeymoon will be over!!!<P>ALONEANDSAD (not so sad anymore-more like alone and at peace! )<P>"I'm not where I need to be; but THANK GOD I'm not where I used to be!!!"<BR>-Joyce Meyer

You are more beautiful than most people will ever have the oppurtunity of fortune to know. If water polishes the most rough stone, then this time of trial has polished you into a diamond. the man who has his eyes open and sees this will have found wealth beyond his dreams. <P>Take care... kiss your kids for me. Carolyn

Dear At Peace,<P>i like that name....I just wane to be able to let you know I read your post. I think everyone has said it all, but i am so glad that God has done marvelous things in your life. He is always watching out for us, isnt he.<P>Love and Continued Prayers<P>BW