Well I'm back. It's been a long time and I see there are several new faces and still some old ones. I've been gone a while because my life seems to get darker and darker and I couldn't even bare to see all of you in so much pain.<p>To recap my husband had a child by an affair that he had 2 years ago. I stopped posting because I was so ashamed of the things my husband was involved in. I couldn't even bare to post to you all. You were all my support system for the first few months. Until I got enough nerve to tell my closest sister and friends. Now I can say it plain as day.<p>Anyway since d-day I discovered a woman my H worked with he was seeing. Once I fought for this one's dismisal I discovered another one from his work. Then his cousin came for a visit in our home (one he only met for the first time at our wedding) and he ended up several weeks later in bed with her. Now it's another one he works with. One downfall after another. I'm now on Paxil. I have Ambien to help me sleep and I have Ativan for the more extreem anxiety attacks. I just got done taking an antibiotic for a vaginal infection (not STD) that may or may not have come from him. More likely it did. I'm starting to quit smoking like a chimney and succeeding.<p>I was laid off from work in April and my H more or less told me he was accepting a job in Arizona and going with or without me in August.<p>I've fought tooth and nail for my marriage and I finally give up. I remember a year ago asking you all when do you feel like throwing in the towel. Mine was when I discovered he took the ***** out on our boat and took her wakeboarding on my wakeboard.<p>I told him it was over and have since held my word. He's in Arizona already and the plan was we would move with him since I wasn't working. I had my hands tied. He's been gone since September 20th and it's been nice to feel like myself again. Hopefully I finally hit rock bottom so I can pick myself up again.<p>Not sure why I'm posting other than it's 2:22AM and I'm lying in bed awake thinking of you all. While my life doesn't look promising at the moment the feeling I have inside is a motivator. I had a night out with friends and turned the head of a 25 year old man. I'm 31 this month and it felt damn good to feel the desire from another man. Not that I would have done anything but it felt good and made me realize my worth. My H can have this girl. I'm happy for him even though he swears he doesn't love her or want to be with her. He probably doesn't but he'll just find someone else. As I told him, I'm no longer accepting anything less than I deserve. And I KNOW I deserve more. If he's willing to work 200% than he ever did in his life then there's hope for us. If not the bridge has been burnt. I'm moving on up folks. I'm scared as hell but it feels good. For those newbies. Please hang in there. Do what you need to do to take care of yourself. And always remember that you have people in your life that love you. Let them do it! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/cool.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]

Dear LSM<p>WOW, it sounds like youve been down a long road. Sounds like you have a pretty good handle on yourself. I am so very sorry you have endured all this. How disappointing he must be to you know.<p>YOUR wakeboard!! ugh! How disgusting! Let him go to AZ. Seems to be the place for the cheatin kind. No offense to my friends out there in AZ. As most of you know that is where my xow is. Dont care if I ever step foot there again.<p>Ill be praying for you.....keep the faith.<p>Love<p>bw

Thanks bw. It means a lot. It's hard to believe I'm still standing when I look back at everything. I actually am moving to AZ because I have not had any luck finding a job and can't afford the mortgage alone. Also it's breaking my little girls heart being away from her Daddy.<p>I think there's a chance this man can come around. I'm just not counting on it. Not to punish him but he'll have to do some MAJOR repairing in order for me to even consider walking down the same path with him again. Thanks for thinking of me. It always means so much to know there are so many people out there that care. BTW is there anyone you want me to look up once I move? [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]

Daer LSM,
I am so sorry for your pain. I can't believe all that has happened to you. I feel the meds will help you see things logically.<p>Good luck on your move. You are doing the right thing for your little girl.<p>Let us know how you are and NEVER be ashamed. You did nothing wrong to deserve all of this.<p>As BW said , keep the faith, sister.<p>prayers to you.
love
Debi

LSM,<p>Thanks for the offer. I dont think Ill need it. But if I do I will call on you.... [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Love<p>Bw

Thanks for posting. It's good to hear that with or without the M, you can and DID land on your feet. That's encouraging. I think your daughter will be okay after her initial grieving the loss of her daddy's constant presence. Kids are very resilient. Still, I know that part of it breaks your heart--seeing your little one hurting. HUGS to you! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Just wanted to move the supportive posts up so the "others" go where they belong...AWAY! I am glad you are strong enough to come back. I have found that many women take a break from the forum now and then. I havent felt that need yet. I enjoy hearing everyone's progress and how I am not alone.

I think you're going to be just fine. You couldn't fight for your marriage alone and he obviously has problems that have nothing to do with you. You are a YOUNG woman with the whole world in front of you. Take care of youself like you have been! YOU are a success story in my book.

Thank you all so much. I truly hope you will all find your guardian angels. I'm not sure I've found mine but I sure know I've found myself and I'm not letting myself fall again.<p>I am always thinking of you here at the forum even if I don't come around too often. I want to be there to support each of you. As long as you are all willing to accept it. I think I'll be around a while so look out for me. Much love and many prayers for this group. Take Care. LMS