Hi to my friends (well wishes to you all)
and a heartfelt welcome to all the new people
who find themselves on this site. For the
devastated, it is a lifeline. To know you aren't
alone in this pain helps you though the day
until you can pull yourself up again.<p>There are so many stories, I'm overwhelmed.
I just want to say hold your head up
whatever decision you make regarding the
most shattering thing to happen to a marriage.
Dealing with infidelity alone can be too much,
but an oc...nothing prepares you for that.
On my dday June 28, 2000...I never thought I
would smile again, feel comfortable around my
H again, respect him again, or be Unashamed to
be his wife. I used to dread saying my last
name in public for fear of some stranger knowing
my personal business (crazy, isn't it?!)Op and
oc live uncomfortably close.....
I dreaded other people finding out about the
oc. I felt like you could take one look at me
and know what pain I was in and how it came
about! After a long road that I know isn't over
yet, I am at a better place than I was a year ago.
Someone said it takes a long 2 years to even
feel normal again...that feels about right.
My H has proven his commitment to me.
The most enlightening thing our counselor said
to my H was that what happened (what my H did)
"does not define you as a person and does not
define our marriage." It allowed me to feel
sorry for my H, to see how Ashamed he felt,
how sad he was...that he never meant for me
to be in this kind of pain. I have a new
respect for pain, it's a tough teacher.
I'm ready to learn from contentment now...<p>To all the new people, don't despair.
There can be a light at the end of this tunnel.
Thank goodness for this wonderful place to
meet and make new friends in the same boat.
Peace and Happiness in the New Year!
Take good care old and new friends alike.

Thank you for that post! I've been wondering if I could make it through all of this and still have a relationship with my husband and a happy family (2 kids). This situation has changed me. My feelings often change from day to day. I'm trying to hang in, but it's hard. Just reading your post gave me the little boost I need to take care of me and stick with it one more day.

Fluke how good to hear from you! I know what you mean about "time" and healing. It's been over a year and through all of this my H tells me his first priority is being married to me till death do us part.
They DO have awful pain and guilt. They sometimes don't know what to say or do to make it better.<p>That comes in open discussion and time.<p>Thanks for giving hope to all the new men and women here that are committed to making things work.<p>Happy Blessed New Year to you too.<p>love
Debi

Fluke,<p>Thanks for sharing that. I agree it takes time and commitment from WS, to get through this and you can. My D-day was 9/00 I know my marriage is 100% better right now. My H gives me all the credit but I know if he wasn't commited to keeping his family together I would have thrown in the towel a long time ago.<p>Unsure

Hey Flukey.... [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Just wanted to say "hey" and I am glad you checked in. Hope everyone is doing well.
Miss you......
Love
bw

WElcome back, Fluke. It is so good to hear from you and so many of the old timers! It's almost like old home week to have heard from Mrs. Job, My Cross and Heavenly [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] and now you!<p>Gem popped in to greet you and Unsure and others dropping in to say hello as well...I'd love to see some of the others like Happy Girl and Babstr, too. So many former members who are probably lurkers, too.<p>You sound better, Fluke, and I am glad you are back posting. The perfect RX for recovery.<p>Catnip =^^=

Thank you Justkay,Gem, Unsure, BW, and Catnip!
for the nice welcome back! I imagine I
will be coming here from time to time,
sometimes more, sometimes less...for a
long time. I just find it too hard to
not talk to anyone about it on a daily
basis. It's counter-productive to continually
bring it up with my H. We've covered every
detail but it still doesnt erase the emptiness,
the uncertainty (of oc and future), and feelings
of guilt about oc and my children. <p>I don't want to make my H pay for his sin
for the rest of his life...but we will in
our hearts carry this terrible weight.
Don't get me wrong...I am grateful my M is
working. Like everything...there is a price
to pay. <p>I have come to realize I'll never
be the person I was before June 28, 00.
I spent so much time angry, selfpitying
and bitter, that I only hurt myself and my
children. I still slip into the victim role
that our Amazing Heavenly explained so clearly!
I can truly relate to that.<p>I hope that I can become a better person because of this shattering experience. I have always
loved children but when my H told me about oc...
I had a extremely hard time...feeling anything
remotely kind about ow...hate is mild. My
feelings for the oc were not so easily
catergorized...I love kids, but just the thought
of oc can make me so sad.
If anything, I have let MOST of the hate go.<p>I admire all the good people here doing the
best they can in their lives.
It remains an inspiration to read of the
strength, faith, hope and care that are in
these posts. <p>Love, fluke