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Joined: Nov 2001
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Jules27 Offline OP
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Well, it was in the paper today so I had my friend call the hospital to confirm it was her and of course it was. I have been looking forward to this day since I found out, but I am having very mixed emotions now that it is here. <p>I am at work and I know that I can't make it through the day so I took half a day off so I can go home. I'm not sure that is going to help, but I know I can't function up here.<p>Just to give you guys a little more info, I found out few weeks ago that the OW says she has a man that wants to be the father of the baby and is going to sign the BC and we will never hear from her again. So, there is a part of me that thinks (or HOPES!!) that she really doesn't know who the father is and she was telling my H and this guy the same story to see which one would step up to the plate. But my gut says its my H and that is what tears me up inside. Anyway, in the paper today it has her and the guy as parents of a new girl. So I guess he did sign paternity which is a huge relief on me so I know I should be happy but I am just so SAD right now!! <p>The part that is the hardest, is that this guy signed leaving my H in the clear to never have to take a paternity or pay CS which means, I will never really know for sure.<p>Anway, thanks for listening and any suggestions for getting through the next few days would be so welcome right now...I am so confused!! <p>Thanks
Jules

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Hey Jules, <p>I know how you feel about not knowing. We don't know for sure either. Like you, I have this nagging feeling that won't go away. I want to know!<p>I think that the best situation for all involved would be to let it go as much as you can. You won't have to pay child support and have a weekly reminder. You won't have to see the oc or the ow. You don't have to worry about your husband and the ow falling for each other again. You don't have to worry about what ow is going to do. She's already told you her plans. <p>With that all said, I, like you, would still want to know [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] I can't help it. <p>I don't know why we, as wives, have this urge to know when the man doesn't even really want to and it seemingly doesn't bother him. (not in all cases of course) Why do we feel that it's the right thing to do?<p>I don't know, Jules. I'm sure that someone else will come along and give you some *good* advice. Hang in there!<p>prayers of peace,
tinlizzy

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Hello,
I remember what you said a couple weeks ago. I really don't have any advice right now.
I don't know for sure if OC is my H but I do know she is with the same man that my H caught her with back in the beginning of February. Baby was born in October.<p>I was hoping that he signed the birth certificated but he did not. He is living with her I think. I also want to know if the baby is my H but she has refused to get a paternity test done and the only way is to go through the courts but if we do it that way my H will have to start paying CS if he is the father. <p>Sorry for rambling just wanted you to know that you are not alone and will say a pray for you.<p>Dawn

Joined: Aug 2000
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Dear Jules,<p>You aren't alone with your feelings.
It's going to take awhile to adjust to
these new facts...some days will be worse
than others but eventually you'll have
more good days than bad. <p>Try to count your blessings...yes, even
in this nightmare there are blessings.
It is good for everyone concerned if ow's
boyfriend signs b.c. Hopefully they'll get
married and raise the child with care.<p>I understand the sickness you feel not
knowing for sure.
I am completely split in half about wanting
know dna results. For my children I want to
know if they have a half-sibling...even if
there is never any contact...which I can't
imagine there ever will be. It is hard to
shake, I know. <p>Give yourself time to settle into it.
Think at least there is another guy willing
to take care of the baby and very well may
be his. Wouldn't it be a thousand pounds
off your shoulders knowing for sure!!!<p>Just know you're not alone. Treat yourself
to something special tonight. You deserve it.
I hope everything will work out for you.
Take care, fluke<p>
Hey Tinlizzy,
I have read some of your background and see
our situations are real similar! Both comforting
and scary at the same time. Take care...

Joined: Dec 2001
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Dear Jules,<p>I felt a connection to you when you replied to me in the past becuase both our OW were due in January and we were going through the same emotions recently. I just wanted to let you know since theOC has been born that you are in my thoughts more than ever(our OC hasn't arrived yet). I don't know what else to say except that I'll be thinking of you and hoping you can get through it all.
natalia

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I know you are sad and I'm sorry you feel sad, but all I can hope is that you won't let this nagging thought stand in the way of your recovery. Maybe it's simply for the best. Many BS's would give the world to be in your shoes right now--OW getting on with her life with her new man leaving your M up to you and your H to work out with no OC/CS issues for years and years to come. It just has to be the best scenario for everyone involved.

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Jules,<p>I'm not in your shoes OC is H child. But like BTDT say's most of us would love to trade places with you. We have to go to court on 1/22 and 2/7 because exOW has no life and decided to file bogus contempt motions against my H. We also had to hire a lawyer because H taking days off from work was taking money away for my children and me. And no matter how many days H takes off from work exOW get her CS. OC is on H medical insurance every time I open a letter and it has OC name on it I get a little jolt. I asked H yesterday if he thought me feeling that way would ever go away? Having a constant reminder hurts. Pray that you never have to include exOW and sadly to say OC in your life. Good luck I know not knowing is driving you crazy but knowing for sure hurts a lot more. <p>
Unsure

Joined: Nov 2001
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Jules27 Offline OP
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Hi everyone! <p>I apologize for not making it back yesterday, but my H kept me busy doing things trying to keep my mind off of everything. He is a changed man and is more supportive of me than he ever has been. So I am lucky for both that and the fact that OW had another man sign the BC.<p>Tinlizzy,Dawn71 and Fluke: I know what you guys mean, I would LOVE to have a definite answer but after weighing the pros and cons of it all...the cons outweigh the pros by a landslide!! <p>Natalia: Thank you so much sweetie for your thoughts I was feeling everyone yesterday supporting me even though I'm sure we are all miles away from each other. Its just knowing all you wonderful people are here with such kind and inspirational words. I have been wondering how you were doing and keeping you in my prayers along with everyone here as well...Let me know how you are.<p>BtDt: You said don't let the nagging feeling stand in the way of my recovery. Boy was that an eye opener for me. You are so right and that is exactly what I am NOT going to let happen. My H is doing anything and everything and I am going to be more responsive to our recovery and put more into it than I have been. Thank you so much!! <p>Unsure: I am so sorry you are having to deal with that mess! I do hope that one day you will lose that feeling. I think as long as you do have that constant reminder by seeing the OC name you will have a jolt but I have faith that with time it will get better. I love listening to Enya's "Only Time" it seems so fitting. Thank you too for your kind words.<p>Hugs to everyone!!!
Jules


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