Hello everybody,<p>I have been monitoring this little dicussion for sometime now but never have written in before. There is somethings i would like to say but first i need to tell my story. I am Julia's H. Now im sure some of you may be booing or itching to tear me a new one, go ahead but listen to what i have to say first.<p>I accept full responsiblity for what i did and know there is no one else to blame but myself and my weakness. Take my weakness and add too it someone that i shall say was needy and oppurtunistic and we get the present day results. I mistakenly put faith in birthcontrol for the one time she coulda got preg( ow said she was on the shot). I know God punished me for the arrogance and pride that was filling my head at the time. <p>I would like to invite such people like Distinguish, Rainstorm77, Whateveruwant to post their stories. I know some of you have said that you are not ow; what then is your purpose for being on the site?<p>Unless you would like to share with us i dont think you have any business criticizing Julia, or anyone else for that matter.<p>Whichever one of you so sagely stated that it doesnt sound like i want to work on the marriage you are sadly mistaken. I love my wife whole heartedly and we are going to get through this. I admit i have made many mistakes along the way but i dont think any recovery is perfect and instantaneous. Julia,along with some of the other bs deserve a lot of credit and respect for how hard they have been fighting. Broken wings my heart and prayers go out to you.<p>I might be criticized because i have made a decision not to be involved in oc life. You nay-sayers think that i probably ran outta fear but you do not realize that it is out of committment to my wife and respecting her and our marriage covenant.<p>I accept the consequences of what i did,am prepared to pay cs pending dna, and realize that im not the only guilty party. OW needs to accept her share of responsiblity for ruining her own life. I am accepting mine.<p>Thank you to all that have supported Julia <p>Thank you from a repentant husband

God bless you and yours. Julia is one lucky lady to have your recommitment and focus on her feelings and worries. Thank you so much for your heartfelt words and please post again.

Wow! Thanks for posting Davidv. I admire your courage and I always think it's just great when H's and W's post and give both sides of the story because there are always ALWAYS 2 sides.<p>I know that you two will do the right thing and continue on with your lives. You have a godly wife who wants to please God and I'm sure you are the same way, after all, this is the type of person you chose to marry.<p>I wish you both all God's best.<p>I am probably one of the ones who thought that you didn't want to work on the M because it seemed like your job is more important than your W. I can understand job security and seniority, but when it comes to A's and OW, relocating to another state is the best solution according to Dr.Harley of Marriage Builders! HOWEVER, when an OC is involved and there is going to be contact with the OC, that puts a different twist on things. Harley recommends that the betrayed spouse be the only contact person with the OP. I don't know if Julia is quite up to that. All you have to do is go back and read about some of the strong emotions she is dealing with, not to mention all the unpleasant encounters with the OW.<p>Dr.Harley really does recommend the wayward spouse to quit the job and relocate to another state, sort of like when a drug addict is trying to come clean. All connections and associations to the drugs must be removed. Supposedly it helps the WS get through withdrawals and temptation to keep the affair going.<p>It's a tough decision, but I'm sure you guys will do what is best for the marriage and get on with the healing God has for you. You two remain in my prayers. God bless you & thanks again... [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

David, thank you for your post. It truely was a joy to hear from and read the posting of a ws and husband. I do not post often as my family and I have been going through some rough times due to the imvolvement we did have with the oc. I respect your decision on no contact, and hope you and Julia build back a rewarding and wonderful marriage. I have been following your story from the beginning of Julia's posts and I wish you both the best of everything.<p>It truely sounds like you are both on the right track. Stay strong and positive and I am sure you will both learn to grow and make each other as happy as you both can be. Bests wishes and peace to you. Gabi1116

Davidv,
You said that you were skeptical about going to the marriage counselor, but it really helped. I guess I was wondering what change your mind?<p>I was just wondering my H is going only today for the first time to counseloring. He does not think it will help.<p>Dawn

Dawn, <p>I guess at that time in my life I was really arrogant and prideful. I had turned my back on God. The frame of mind i was in, I kept telling myself and Julia "what are they going to tell us that we don't already know. All they are going to tell us is that we need to communicate more."<p>I guess what made me agree was that I had hit rock bottom. Julia kept asking me when i was going to see the light. I am kind of ashamed to admit it but I kept telling her " I don't know, Maybe God is going to have to drop a rock on my head before i do." Again, pure arrogance. I was starting to see parts of the ow personality that i didnt like. I think i ignored them at first figuring they were just part of the show people put on at first, but then realized they were there to stay. I realized what a mistake i had made. I was looking for a way out(there were some concerns about her going psycho if i did it to bluntly) when God DID drop that rock [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] . Ow told me she was pregnant. I felt trapped. I knew i wanted to be done with other woman before learning she was preg, but now i didnt know how to break it to Julia. I knew it was going to destroy her, but i also knew it was not something i should/could hide.<p>Julia found out in a less than ideal way and subsequently we started trying to recover our marraige after all the cards were on the table.<p>I hope that helped you at least a little.

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>I was looking for a way out(there were some concerns about her going psycho if i did it to bluntly) when God DID drop that rock . Ow told me she was pregnant. I felt trapped. I knew i wanted to be done with other woman before learning she was preg, but now i didnt know how to break it to Julia. I knew it was going to destroy her, but i also knew it was not something i should/could hide.<hr></blockquote><p>David have you been conferencing with my h?
[img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Seems like all repentant spouses say the same things!<p>I know it's true. Sad also. Glad you've seen the light.<p>Bless you and Julia and may you heal together always in Gods love.<p>Debi

David,
Thanks. That did help. My H said the same thing. Well he went tonight and he said that she did not tell him anything that he already knew.
So I do not know if I should make another appointment for both of us to go together or not.<p>Dawn

Dawn,<p>Its a step in the right direction that H went. I was just wondering what type, or rather where are you getting ur counseling? Church or the private sector?<p>My advice toyou is to schedule another appointment with both of attending. Cant stress it enough. It did wonders to be there together face to face and actually discuss what was wrong or needed inspection. I think for us that is where the trust started to be rebuilt.

David,
I went a week ago by myself and my H went yesterday. The next step would be going together. The counselor is through our insurance so it is not through a church.<p>Dawn

Dawn,<p>Just wanted to give you a little more information about our counseling sessions and why i think they are helping David and me. We are both Christians and have sought counseling through our church, it is free for us, which is always nice. We are both pretty close with the pastors there and they are both more than willing to sit down and talk to us about what God has to say about marriage and reconciliation.<p>If you look at the Marriage Builders Logo that is in the shape of a Triangle with two arrows pointing upward, that actually is symbolic for a husband and wife moving in a direction towards Christ - God being the apex of the triangle. Too often we see h's or w's going 'this' or 'that' direction, but you can never go wrong when both are eager to know Christ and deepen that relationship first. God is the creator, inventor of marriage and he has the tools, instruction(Bible) for reconciling a marriage.<p>At our counseling sessions, we start out in prayer, then we each talk about how the week went. Our pastor usually has a verse or two that he shares with us and we all kind of incorporate what the verses say into what is going on with our marriage at the time. Today the verse was Matthew 6:33-34
It reads...
But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.<p>I had been anxious about the upcoming birth and in need of help dealing with it, but God reassures us that we shouldn't be anxious for tomorrow because today has enough problems of its own. God will and has already taken care of tomorrow so i need to rest in that. Difficult, I know, but trustworthy is the Lord.<p>We have been going to this pastor for 4 months now, it was extremely tense at first, but we are both more relaxed, we laugh and have a good time, but most importantly, we are strengthening our relationship with Christ first, and together as we head for the same goal, WE grow closer in the process.<p>God Bless,
Julia