I am at work right now doing a pretrial memorandum that has to be finished in time for a hearing tomorrow morning - it's going to be a long night so I am taking a break to write an update. <p>Last Friday night, h picked up OC for our usual weekend visitation. I was working late. WHen I got home at 10, oc was still up, which was unusual b/c we put our children to bed around 8 but h said oc didn't want to go to bed so he decided to wait until I got done with work. I helped oc into her pj's and h and I walked her upstairs to bed. When she got into bed, she began to cry and beg us to take her home. I was very surprised b/c she is usually so happy to stay at our house. I asked her what was wrong, and she sobbed, "My mommy doesn't want me to come here any more and I want to go home. I miss my mommy and my pappy and grammy and I do not want a stepmom and a dad anymore." I asked her why not, and she said, "My mommy wants (her new boyfriend) to be my daddy someday, and he said he would be my dad, and I don't want you or H to make me visit anymore. My mommy said all I have to do is tell (the child psychologist) that you HIT ME ALL THE TIME and I won't ever have to come here again b/c you and H are just strangers to me and you never visited me when I was a baby and you just want to take me away from my real mommy.<p>I was just stunned. I called our lawyer and he said we will draft a letter to the judge and that in the meantime we should consider taking oc home due to the risk. I agreed, because with my teaching licence, I can't afford to have a child abuse allegation. Even if the charge was proved to be unfounded, I would never get a job teaching again. <p>It ended up that the only way we could get oc to go to sleep was to have her sleep with me, and the next morning I took her straight home. I was a nervous wreck until then, worrying about what would happen if she tripped and actually had a bruise on her.<p>H did not agree with my decision to take her home, and thinks that I am overreacting.<p>I, on the other hand, do not want anything more to do with the whole thing. <p>I am so down about the whole thing: ow, oc, my marriage. I feel like I want a divorce. I really do. I am scared about this b/c I have never felt this way before. But all of a sudden, I just want out of it all. No more oc hassles, no more mistreatment by my h, none of it.<p>I don't know what to do, but I don't think I want to live this life anymore.<p>Any insight would be helpful. <p>-cd

{{{{{{{{{{CD}}}}}}}}}}<p>As I read this post my heart is breaking! I have no words for you in this time of pain!!! All I can offer are my cyber arms for a hug, and my love and prayers for your heart and spirit! I wish I could offer you more!<p>Love and prayers,<p>Tigger

cd,<p>This has to be an uncomfortable, confusing situation. As you may have noticed from other postings, many are just opting to have no contact after so many attempts to give the oc 2 loving homes. I would definitely pray about what is going on and ask God for wisdom, patience, clarity and strength for each new day. <p>When trouble like this starts to bite away at the marriage, you have to stop and think who and what are most important here and what is more important to God? If this situation is ultimately going to drive your marriage right into the ground ending up in divorce, I would say that you should have no contact with oc/ow and all the problems that come with it - in order to sustain and rebuild your marriage. <p>Like Tigger, my heart does break for you. I picture you walking her up the stairs and sleeping next to her... it's a portrait of a beautiful picture, but not one i think i am capable of...you are one strong lady. But with God, ALL things are possible! <p>Keeping you in prayer,
God Bless,
Julia<p>[ February 14, 2002: Message edited by: mnca6713julia3 ]</p>

OH My Gosh CD..
I am so sorry, I had no idea things have gotten to this point. I have only been lurking on occasion just to see how you all have been. I dont have e-mail set up anymore for the lack of using it.
My kids have been running me crazy, and I have been trying to help My H with his business.
I read your other threads after reading this. CD you are being emotionally abused, you of all people do NOT deserve this. Do you think you could be at a point of doing a plan B ?, just to preserve what love you have left for your H?. And maybe get H into anger management classes. I know he is not physically abusive, but I always believed emotional was far worse than the other (you cant see the scares).
You are an amazingly (sp) strong woman, you will survive, and you will succeed. Taking the OC home was SO the right thing to do. I too am licensed in my state, and anything like that can ruin a career...forever. You DO NOT need any part of that, and I believe maybe your lawyer (boss) should send a SLANDER letter to OW...B****..what the , OK I am better [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] .
THIS IS YOUR YEAR CD...2002..IT BELONG TO YOU...you gave up up so much of yourself these past few years, you need to find it again. YOU OWE it to yourself and your boys. The boys WILL thrive. CD it gets to the point when the relationship you have with your spouse is not a good example for a relationship for your children (Did that make sense??). You have to decide if you will be a better parent outside of your marriage, or if you stay in you marriage. I think you need some space, even if it is temporary. This cant be good, and if you are anything like me ..I suck at pretend. DO NOT UNDER ANY circumstances let that OC back in your home until they can document what she told you...make sure they do that while OC is still confused. Gosh it makes me want to get on a plane..and NOT ACT LIKE A LADY. The flippin nerve.
I am sorry CD, you DO NOT deserve this. You were there for me, and you have been there for so many of the others. I feel so bad.. my prayers are with you. Stay strong.. MC

Wow... OW is afraid of you and what you could offer her daughter--family living. That's sad. It's sad and amazing. Sad that OW can't see how your influence would be good and beneficial, and amazing how she sees YOU as a threat instead of BENEFICIAL!!!<p>shaking my head in amazement... [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Gosh if only OW knew how much BS's would RATHER NOT have OC's!!!!!!!!!! I mean come on, now! Let's get real! BS's raising OCs through visitation are making the best out of a bad situation. BS's in this state are obviously thinking of the OC and not themselves. Doubt if I could do it...<p>Perhaps it is best that she go on with her life then, rather than damage the child's emotions and then rub your face in it, having you walk on eggshells when OC is in your custody for visitation. This baby is repeating things that she doesn't even UNDERSTAND! How horrible is this type of brainwashing? <p>Kids get hurt!<p>My twins have had broken bones already and they are only seven! In one case, H was right in the same room, the other time, kids were playing in their room!<p>Just last week, one of my son's teachers tried to catch him when he was falling and she scratched his chin VERY badly. I would hate to hear how this OW would react in a situation like that. Not only does my son have a scar on his face now, but there was a very ugly scab there for several days!<p>Last week my daughter tripped at school and FELL ON HER FACE! She came home with three bandaids on her mug! Accidents happen. Kids fall, they get hurt, they can be clumsy or not paying attention to where they are going. *sigh*<p>I don't have any advice for you... just hugs and sympathy... hang in there!<p>[ February 15, 2002: Message edited by: BINthereDUNthat ]</p>

CD,
My heart breaks for you too!!!! I'm soooo sorry for your situation.<p>{{{{{{{{{{{{hug for CD}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<p>I have to ask the obvious: have you talked with your H about your feelings? Does he have any clue how close to losing everything he is (again!)?? (Ugh--what's he thinking?!)<p>Can you get some professional counseling or clergy or any help with this?? I wish I could send you some and FAST! <p>I'm sure you did the right thing to follow the lawyer's advice! Your H has his head in the sand. It's too bad Darling didn't happen to say all that into a tape recorder--Good Lord! It is horrible, what her mother is doing to her. And the risks to you... make me shiver. It's evil. <p>My prayers for you, your family, and Darling too.
So sad for you all,
J

OH, CD. I am so sorry you are going through this. I will say it again, you are a good person and don't deserve this.<p>I will admit that all the stories of exOWs turing to child abuse accusations scares the tar out of me. I had never, never thought of that one.<p>Stay strong, CD. We are all pulling for you and your little guys. Don't ask what we think of Mr. CD right now. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>You are in our prayers. {{{{{{CD and her boys}}}}}}<p>MJ<p>[ February 15, 2002: Message edited by: MaryJanes ]</p>

Dearest cd<p>Just when you think it's safe to get back in the water....sharks.<p>Isn't it incredible that young children spill it all out without any facades, manipulations or innuendo? That little girl told you the truth; she told you everything you need to know about what is being said in her house and how she is being coached. Well, thank God, cd, you did NOT blow this off and took enormous steps to diffuse the situation by bringing her home first thing the next morning.<p>As far as documentation, you have it documented here and I hope since you work in a lawfirm, you have had some kind of a 'deposition' or a document drafted where the conversation was recorded verbatim. <p>I am so fearful of our corrupt legal system and the 'powers' that pull the strings, the lynch mob that all climb on the bandwagon and have the ability to ruin our lives on 'hearsay' or believing a child who was obviously coached.<p>This is an inordinant amount of stress and I can't help but think that having visitation or joint custody of the little girl is not a good idea right now until the courts are absolutely convinced that you and your husband are outstanding parents and the XOW is a vindictive and dangerous opponent, who will obviously stop at nothing to get her way. Even at the huge expense of her child, who is obviously paying an enormous price of torment at her young age. That poor little girl is being tortured by that ignorant cow and is getting more and more screwed up by the minute because of her. What an evil woman who would make a sacrificial lamb out of her innocent and sweet child. The child is torn and that low rent trash is ruining that child's life.<p>This is so completely outrageous I encourage you to report this conversation to every single government busy-body entity who are sticking their collective noses up everyone's a$$ before this gets completely out of hand.<p>I know you are tired of all this and its a mess but I know you can't let this sit undone even if you're heading for high ground, however, perhaps your husband's hostile attitude is in direct proportion to having visitation with the little girl...not because of her, but because he is embarrassed he was such a chump to spend one nano second with such a scurvy bytch. (XOW)<p>What advice are you getting from Bystander?<p>God, I am so sorry you are going through this, cd...so very, very sorry. I am praying for you and for a speedy resolution to this unnecessary drama XOW is creating. The best defense is an offense....truly.<p>Catnip =^^=

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Cd, I was so upset when I read your post, I got a sick feeling in my stomach. I am not sure if you knew about our present situation with our oc. We have spent the last three months without visitation, due to an accusation by the mother of the oc about just the samething that you have posted about. Stop this slander now before it gets out of hand.<p>You and I have been going through our visitation with our oc on about the same timeline, and I remember last spring we were both just getting into the visitation.<p>If you look back at some of my recent posts you can see where my h and I have been. We are finished and the charges were just dropped earlier this month. Now our lawyer is getting visitation only at a therapist's office to find out how and why things could have gone wrong.<p>Our children spent nine months getting to know the oc and now we have not seen the oc for the last 3 months. <p>Take action now, maybe your h could go to the therapist and have the oc tell therapist what she told you two this past weekend. Get it documented so if an allegation came you have it on record that it is false and preplanned by the witch of an xow. <p>You have always been so strong over the last year, I am praying for you and your family and your marriage. Don't let the present problems take over and weaken you.
You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers, Peace, Gabi1116<p>[ February 15, 2002: Message edited by: gabi1116 ]</p>

CD,<p>I just wanted you to know you are in my thoughts and prayers. And I think you did the right thing by taking OC home.<p>I so afraid of something like this happening to us too. H just started supervised visitation and OC will start coming to our house in April. I'm not looking forward to it right now. This really scares me, exOW would do something like this too. As for ending your marriage, you know you don't deserve the treatment H is giving you maybe you should try and plan B. Good Luck. <p>Unsure

How did the hearing go?