Hello,
I was just wondering why OW filed abandoment charges against your H? I am not 100% familiar with your story. I will try and go back and read it. I know you have been here for awhile. Did your H sign the Birth Certificated? Was there a paternity test? Has he been paying CS?<p>Dawn

Dawn,<p>No H did not sign BC.
No we haven't had DNA test yet.
We paid no court ordered CS, we only gave her a small amount of money each month. This was what we all agreed to shortly after d-day. When she started demanding more money, and demanding the extras that we always gave when we could she threatened to go court. We said fine, it would be better that way, that way we weren't at her beckon call whenever she wanted something.<p>When I refer to extras here's what I mean:<p>OW pages H, he calls her back (she's suppose to call me on my cell, that's our agreement),and tells him she has no food in the house to feed OC or her other 3 illigitimate kids. He tells her he'll bring food by in about an hour. H calls me and asks me to take food there since he had an appointment. I get there and she's in the shower, (freshening up) and as I'm unpacking the food I bought, I see food in the fridge, and chicken defrosting on the counter. <p>She lied.... just to lure him over there... yet again. That was the straw that broke the camel's back for me. That next week she started demanding more money and H got fed up and said let's do it through court.<p>So here we are. Apparantly since he has given her money at one point in this fiasco and has stopped it does qualify for abandonment. CS agency says judge will probably dismiss case since we agreed to DNA through the CS enforcement agency. Otherwise... he could go to jail. Nice huh?<p>I do hope you get to read my stories. It's quite an interesting evolution I've been on. Hope that answered your questions.<p>BTW, did you ever download aol messenger????
Z.<p>[ May 16, 2002: Message edited by: zebrababy ]</p>

Z,
I have aol messenger.<p>Dawn<p>[ May 16, 2002: Message edited by: Dawn71 ]<p>[ May 16, 2002: Message edited by: Dawn71 ]</p>

ahhhh duh, I mistook you for DazedDawn who doesn't have aol. i emailed her with the link to aol messenger to download for free.<p>Dawn, I didn't see you online, I do have you on my buddy list..... we could have chatted. <p>Maybe your messenger wasn't on.<p>Z.

Hey Zebrababy! DazedDawn here. I will download aol messenger soon. Was just reading your story and cringing at the thought of it all. Why is it the H never thinks that the OW is really still after them? My H seems to think that way. Actually I think that he wants me to believe the OW doesn't want him to ease my mind. WHATEVER!! I went to our house today to check on the cat and realized that my H has not been home for a couple of days (never bothered to let me know). Poor cat had no food. I also noticed that he took $100 bucks from the atm and also $50 from the $$ from our tax check. He said he wanted to use that to pay his court fees (the day that I caught him and the tramp together at the motel, later that night he and the tramp went out drinking and driving and guess who got arrested for a DUI?) she cares that much for him that she lets him get behind the wheel of her car drunk!!! Boy that sounds like real love to me, how about you???? Anyway he has been running with the young guys he met through work again and has blown $100 of that "court fee" money and like I said took out yet another $100 the other day from the checking!!! He also has kept his cell phone off and that is my sure sign that he doesn't want to be found. I also hit redial on our phone today and the number to his prepaid calling card was the last # dialed. In other words he called the tramp. More than likely that is where he is now. Amazing how just a couple of weeks ago he was so devastated that she was pregnant and walked around the house and did nothing but cry!!! Sorry if I am rambling Zebra, but I am pissed off. His tears are such crap. I knew that something was up when his entire attitude changed last week. I never thought that I would say this but I really want this divorce to happen fast because I am afraid (no I know) that he is on a one way street to complete personal and financial ruin, and I don't want him to take me down with him. I promise to get messenger soon. Do you go by Zebrababy on that also? Sorry I took up so much room on your thread here, but I needed to get this off my chest. [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] <img src="graemlins/teary.gif" border="0" alt="[Teary]" />

Z,
I keeping to forgetting to log on when I go on the internet. I read your story. I read that you were going to have the DNA test done in the beginning, but what happened? I can't seem to find a post about that. I would like to chat. I see that you are offline.<p>Dawn

Dazed Dawn,<p>When you get messenger downloaded email me and I'll give you aol user name. I don't like to post it here. Too many lurkers that could be OW.<p>I really do want to talk to you... I know you are in a bad spot right now and I remember when my H acted like he didn't give a rats [censored] where we ended up. Oh my story is long...that's why it's easier to talk "live".<p>Dawn71,<p>we wanted DNA, just couldn't afford it. We are unfortunately (but not for long) a couple that lives pay check to paycheck. Daycare kills us and we didn't mannage our money well in the first 5 years of our marriage. We've learned our lesson and are now finishing the re-fi to start over financially. Thank God!<p>I'd love to chat with you too. we'll talk soon,
you know my Aol User name right??? We chatted once with NGU and BW and Unsure one night, remember?<p>Z.

Z,
I do remember chatting with you. I just forgot to add everyone to my buddy list. But I did add you, I just sorted of forgot for the ones that I added who was who. My buddy list is growing and I can't keep everyone straight. I think I just figured out your aol screen name. Boy do I feel like I am getting old. My birthday is next month too.<p>Dawn<p>[ May 16, 2002: Message edited by: Dawn71 ]<p>[ May 16, 2002: Message edited by: Dawn71 ]</p>

Dazed Dawn,
I am so sorry about your H. I really don't know what else to say. Are you going to confront him? I guess I would ask him if he wants the marriage to work. Have you talked to him about this site and the principles?<p>Dawn

Dawn71,
I feel it is pretty pointless to try anything any longer. He acted all shook up by the letter that I left him the other day, but now to find out that he has been gone a couple days...I really don't know who I am married to anymore. Actually no one, not friends or family know what the hell is going on with him. He knew that I was on a website and that I was reading alot of books about dealing with the affair, but the him seems to have finally shown itself. This type of self sabotage has happened so many times before with him that there is really nothing that you can do until he chooses to come out of it. I looked in his closet to see if any "nice" clothes were missing and the shoes usually wears were still there, cologne was still there. Nothing seemed out of the norm. The only thing gone was a toothbrush and I think his deodorant, and $150 bucks. I'm so tired of constantly trying to figure out what he is doing. My H is in the business of self sabotage, but doesn't truly realize it himself. All I can do is let go. I am so sad about it, but I truly don't believe that he has it in him to make a marriage work. Don't get me wrong, I have done my fair share of nagging and the like, but I have always stayed committed to a solution to our problems. He is only committed to adding to the problems. Please pray for him. I know that I haven't seen the worst of all of this yet and I know that there are more tears to come. I just pray that he doesn't completely self destruct before this is all said and done with. Thank you for your concern and hopefully when I download aol we can chat about everything.
<img src="graemlins/teary.gif" border="0" alt="[Teary]" />