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#812807 06/30/02 12:41 AM
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jen100 Offline OP
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Hello. I found this sight while I was seeking help. This is my first post. I will try to keep it short. I have been married for about 11 months now. I was engaged for a year and dated my husband for three years before that. We have been friends for about six years. I honestly thought I had found my soul mate. About two months ago my H got a call from an old friend from college. He ended up lying to me about her. About a month ago I suspected he was cheating on me. when I asked him about it, he denyed it. We were both really busy with our jobs and our relationship was pretty rocky. He then began to break off contact with her and try to fix things with me. About three weeks ago I found out she is pregnate. I was so frustrated. She claimed she would give it up if he would not leave me. We decided to try and work it out. We are currently looking for a MC. Our problem is that she will not give it up. So now he is torn between me and his OC. We have no children together yet. He made the mistake of telling his parents of his problem and they say he should be with the baby. We really want to work this out. He has admited his mistake and is will to do anything to fix it. I am really confused. I know I want to be with him, but am I just being selfish? Any advice would help. Thanks in advance. I have already posted this in the just found out area. People adviced me to post here for additional help.

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Hi Jen
Glad you posted here, Unfortunately there many people here who have dealt with what you are going through and many still dealing with this. The weekends are very slow, I am however stuck at home today with a sick baby. Just wanted to welcome you again.
I was a little confused.. are you saying his parents think he should leave you just for the baby ? Or are they just suggesting he take responsibility for the baby ?

He doesnt have to do whats right for the baby with out you, that can be done together as a family.
You are not selfish, just scared and in shock. Like I told you on the other thread, Have DNA done and dont assume any thing before it is done, if you wll read some of these other threads, The ow and Husbands were wrong about them being the father.. so it does happen.

You cant change or do anything about this woman having the baby, but at the moment it isnt your problem because you dont really know if the baby is your H's.

some here believe NO contact is the best answer.. while I dont agree with this for me, I feel you have to do what is best for your self and marriage and depending on how you think you will feel or treat this baby, Use that to make a decision on whats best for the baby.

I have a baby with a married man and I am married my self. My husband and OM share responsibility for my daughter, and OM'S wife is part of that and has learned to love my daughter and be kind to her.. she and I are not crazy about each other, but we have worked through alot of issues and will probably continue for many years.
Our biggest issue for all four of us is that we act like adults and do what is right for my daughter, and not let our problems interfere in raising her.
WE have worked hard to do just that.. dont misunderstand, some days I wish he would just go away and I wouldnt deal with them at all.

I am sure my husband and his wife have the same feelings from time to time.
But He asked to be part of my aughters life and so he and I are working together to do that.

H telling his family was a big step and I am sure very difficult for him. You should be glad, he didnt want to hide it, he is at least willing to be honest about his mistake.

this is a great place to vent and that in its self will help you through this.

<small>[ June 29, 2002, 01:25 PM: Message edited by: mom of five ]</small>

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jen100 Offline OP
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Thank you for responding. I am not sure what is going to happen. As for my H's parents, I think a part of them wanted him to take responsibility, however, I think a large part just want the baby. Ever since the two of us have gotten marriage all they can talk about is being grandparents. My H and I are still young and decieded we wanted to wait for a child. I think they want him to take responibilty, but I think part of it is because of the baby.

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jen
I can understand them wanting him to take responsibility. That is normal, I think the fact that he told them was very courageous.. I dont know how close you are to your in-laws but have you talked with them about this ? DO you know what your willing to live with and can you manage to be a step parent to this child , I know you have a thousand things running through your head.

There are many ways his family can be involved with the baby and you and your husband still have a strong marriage and work things out.

I am sure your scared and confused at the moment, You have not been married very long, and this is not how you invisioned your life.
Has your husband said what he wants to do yet?

This will have to be something you do together if your going to stay married. From your writing it sounds as if you are willing to stay married.
So now you have to decide what you will do.


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