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Joined: Sep 2000
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My H was activated this past weekend and is currently at a state-side base for training. He will probably be shipped out overseas sometime in early February.
Your prayers please!!
We haven't seen lil' woman in a couple of weeks, nor has my H called her to say goodbye. This weekend was our week to have her, but with my H's schedule, it didn't happen, and with the way things are going, I'm not too sure that it ever will again.
We're tired of the drama and foolishness. XOW is still petitioning for a psych-eval with the baby and us and w/ the baby and herself. We told my H's lawyer that we would not comply, and if it came down to it and the courts mandated this, we'd walk away.
To tell the truth, we're seriously thinking about it now. I feel like no matter what we do right, it's never enough.
Really starting to question what good will come of us being a part of her life.
I told my H before he left that I would make no attempts to contact baby, that the only way this thing will really work out to benefit lil mama is if her selfish [censored] mom can handle it.
Otherwise, the only relationship we'll have with lil mama is one based on her mom's mistrust and resentment for us.
I can just picture it, years from now, she'll visit with us and run back home and tell mom all that is defective with dad and his family, and together they'll enjoy bashing the dad that fought hard for her to be a part of his life. Sad thing is, she won't realize it until she's much older.
I'm burnt out....and I feel like further attempts to bond w/ lil mama will result in xow making the baby her emotional flunky.

signed,
sick and tired of being sick and tired.

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Take it a day at a time Matthew. God is still in the miracle working business!

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Matthew,
I'm so sorry your H is deploying; and sorry XOW won't cooperate. It seems the repeated and severe stress "does in" contact. You and H have tried hard, and this is what it comes to... I'm sorry you've got that beating-head-on-brick-wall feeling too.

Feeling your pain...
God be with you and bring you peace.
J (another wife of deployed)

<small>[ January 29, 2003, 05:14 PM: Message edited by: Jenny ]</small>

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I too will pray for you and H during his deployment! I know how hard it is, having been through 4 6 month deployments myself! Two of which were during Desert Storm and Enduring Freedom, so I also know the stress and fear of H's safety!

Love and prayers,

Tigger

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Dear Matthew6:14,75
God bless your H and you during this horrific time in our world.
Your faith will get you through this.
You have been admirable through all of this.
love
Debi

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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Otherwise, the only relationship we'll have with lil mama is one based on her mom's mistrust and resentment for us.
I can just picture it, years from now, she'll visit with us and run back home and tell mom all that is defective with dad and his family, and together they'll enjoy bashing the dad that fought hard for her to be a part of his life. Sad thing is, she won't realize it until she's much older.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This is one of the chief reasons we had to make the difficult decision of No Contact.....
My heart aches for you...but take heart in one thing....you and your H can hold your head up high and know that you tried everything within your power to do the right thing....no one can ever fault you for that.

Step by step....I know God will work this all out for everyone's good....

Hugs and prayers,
Twiisty

Joined: Jan 2003
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My prayers are with you. My h is on standby as well as if we need something else to worry about right now. The only good I see is that it will give us some space from one another. Not sure if we need it or not. God has a plan for all of us just open your heart and listen to his word. I believe that they will be safe with the present of the Lord around them. God bless you and your family. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

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Thank you all so much for your warm and caring responses. I just know things will work out. I know in my heart that God did not bring us through the mess and hurt and pain just for our story to end here. No, we've got kids to have (or adopt), babies to raise, bills to pay and a lifetime to enjoy each other, our children and our grandchildren.
As far as no contact, it's starting to look more and more like a reality. I've come to the realization that she speaks one thing, but her actions say another...she doesn't mind contact, but only on her terms, which she knows are unacceptable for us and our marriage. So when this whole thing blows over, she can say to lil mama...dad chose his wife and son over you and I...how sad.
Why does it have to be this way? I was thinking in my car this a.m that if one parent has even the slightest bit of resentment and mistrust of the other parent (unfounded) then the courts should step in on the child's behalf and mandate that the other parent has equal rights to the child's life without the resentful, interferring parent's direct involvment. I know, splitting hairs here, but why can't the courts see how damaging this is for children and the families involved?
On the one hand, if the non-custodial parent walks away, they're deemed a deadbeat. On the other hand, should they decide to stay and be a part of the child's life, there's all this drama and aggravation to deal with because the custodial parent sees it as an opportunity to do some axe-grinding and play control games.
So, lil mama becomes a statistic. And the courts stand by because they don't want to take away the custodial parent's rights. The lawyers get rich, and the child grows up not knowing who dad is and why they are not important enough to be a part of his life. And whether we like or not, even when circumstances warrant walking away from a child, it still hurts.
So....grandpa will step in for dad, because in her mind, dad is a deadbeat. Stepdad (should there ever be one) will step in for dad because in her mind, her biological couldn'g be bothered. I hear the story so many times, but up until now, I didn't know the FULL story....his side, her side...and the truth.

Joined: Jan 2002
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Dear Matt,

I am sorry to hear that your H is deploying. We are also former military and know the difficulty of deployment, but one thing I never had to face is deployment during/under threat of war. You're right--like you needed one more thing to deal with!

One thing we always forget to say on this board is that it isn't just about can the BS see the OC w/out being triggered into enormous pain all over again. It is also can the exOW move on enough in her life not to manipulate the life out of the child, the recovering marriage.

I don't know why but our exOW seems to have learned her lesson. At first I am sure it was about being able to keep some contact with my H, but gradually it became about the child. She seems to have grown--hey! redemption and God's grace is always extended, never retracted by God, only rejected by us. Maybe she is finally getting it. Maybe she is on the path to a restored life (and faith). Or maybe she is lying in wait ready to pounce--just kidding.

I am sorry that you have a whacko exOW. Having a decent one makes it easier. It also helps that she really likes me and she now squirms with the guilt she feels over having been part of what hurt me so badly.

As said by others, you and your H have done all you can. Maybe you can write a journal of some sort so that if OC ever comes back looking for answers you can let her read the story for herself.

MJ

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This military thing is changing our lives, huh! My husband just left yesterday. I do wish we had developed trust before he left and hope that this separation does not make it more difficult. I will pray for you and yours too. I don't know how, but I pray that this will be good for the relationship. I pray that the year goes by fairly quickly and that they stay safe. I also pray for the countries where they are going. God has a plan!


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