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Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 1
S
sgirl Offline OP
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S
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 1
This is my first time here and I need some help. I have been married for 3 years and we have been trying to have a child for the last 4 months. My husband just disclosed to me that he had an affair and the other woman is now pregnant. Possibly with twins of all the luck? He had ended the affair and is completely devasted about the affair and the pregnancy. He does not want the child with her, he wants a child with me. THe other woman was going to have an abortion but has decided to give the child up for adoption. Now I fear that with possible twins she may only give up one? She seems very serious about adoption and never wanted children. My husbands wants no contact with the woman or the child every again and I am glad. Some of you may find that harsh but the child is unwanted and for us to save our marriage we both agreed this is the best. I was starting to accept all of this but now I don't know what to do. Both of us want to stay together. DO you have any suggestions?

Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 133
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Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 133
Hi sgirl,, I just finished reading your post, and all I have to say is please be careful... Yes your husband says he wants to have a baby with you, but then why did he not protect himself. I have my very best friend that is in a similiar situation as you.. Her husband had an affair and got the girl pg also... He does not want to divorce his wife my friend for what reason i cannot even think of. Then he moved out to be with his mistress girl who was a young girl . He then was coming around my friends house thinking he still ruled. Well things got worse he got his mistress pg for the second time. He hangs around even more at my friends house. It is sheer pain. Please think about what you are doing . The other woman will always be in your lives no matter what with a child in their lives. My frien is in so much pain, every time she gets up the hill he has done something to make her fall back down.. Please be careful. I know the pain and hurt you are feeling for I myself have a husband who had an affair. I just found out a year ago and the pain is as bad now as it was when i first found out. We are trying to make it work, but it so damn hard. My heart is broken and feels as though it will never mend. My prayers are with you, I know how much pain my friend is in every single day. Her husband at first was ashamed but now he flaunts it. Please just be careful in which ever route you take, Hurtin [Teary]

Joined: Dec 1969
Posts: 6,937
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K Offline
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Joined: Dec 1969
Posts: 6,937
sgirl,

If you and your husband are committed to the marriage and willing to do the work to recover from this affair, then you should be successful. You can't control with the OW is going to do---she sounds confused and probably isn't sure herself (although I cannot for the life of me imagine that she would keep one twin and give the other up for adoption---that sounds very farfetched). If she decides on adoption, it would be best for you and husband to check on legal laws in the state---if your husband truly is the father, he should sign away his rights to the children. This can only be done after the birth.

For you and husband, I would suggest that you read Surviving an Affair, and try the MB phone counseling (appts at 888-639-1639) with Steve or Jenn Harley. Both of them are terrific counselors (I speak from this first-hand). You and your husband need to be completely honest with each other and to use the Policy of Joint Agreement to decide things together---and that's where your efforts would be directed through counseling.


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