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#825133 12/31/03 07:44 PM
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Pops, you asked a question in one of your posts about children accepting the OC. I have two children, 7 and 8. They have two older step-siblings from my H's first marriage. My children accepted, without question that they are their brother and sister. They don't even know that my H was married before and they don't care. They know that they have a big brother and big sister.

When they were introduced to the OC, they were delighted to have a "new sister". I fully agree with you that children accept or reject according to the feeling of the situation. If you seem embarrassed, upset, or have been crying non-stop for days, children get the message that was is happening is not good and they reject anything that upsets their beloved parents.

We took great care not to argue around the children or to say anything negative that would create bad impressions in their minds. My children are very well-adjusted and happy. They are growing into flexible people and I think that will serve them well in their life. There is too much narrow-mindedness in the world and I hope that my children will not contribute to that.

Also, the idea of family is evolving and changing and I want my children to understand that the old-fashioned, nuclear family is only one example of the type of family that can exist.

So, for me, there has been no problem with my children accepting half-siblings as their own brothers and sisters.

Fullhouse, I want to say that you should continue posting. I was driven off this board several times by people with overpowering opinions. You and Pops have a wonderful story to tell about reconciliation and blending and I would hate to see that story lost for the many out there who very much share your opinions.

I know that some people have hurled insults at you on this board and for that I am truly sorry. Ignore them. Keep helping those that you help. Some will always be beyond your reach.

I hope you will start posting again regularly. You are very much missed.

love,
heavenly

#825134 01/02/04 09:39 PM
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I agree, I miss fullhouse and wish she would post more often. The other side needs to be heard!

#825135 01/03/04 08:07 AM
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heavenly,,,,,,,,, we also went to great lengths to keep our arguements away from the kids. we had many discusions from differing viewpoints but there was no screaming at each other. believe me that doesn't mean that it was just accepted as the way things are. there were enough tears shed hear from both of us to fill one of the great lakes. just not in front of the kids.

neither one of us had any idea we would still be married today. we did not however want our kids to worry about that. i felt that fh had betrayed me and never wanted my kids to feel my pain. had we divorced there would have been plenty of time for them to express their emotions.

that was the whole point of the other thread. how we present things to our c's. in a way that allows them to make up their own minds or in a frenzy from EITHER veiwpoint that will surely sway their opinions. and the same thing goes for giving advice to those future individuals who will be unfortunate enough to find themselves wearing the ill fitting shoes we have all walked in here.

you said that your kids just accepted oc. ours were young like yours and all they saw was a new baby coming to the house. i am curious as to what the reaction of your older step children was?

i may be wrong but i would guess that they were angry with their father for his actions but also accepted their new sister.

i too wish that fh would post more. since it is so hard for her to express herself in words smetimes with me it gives me a great opportunity to read her thoughts and open up conversations with her. sort of an economical mc.

fh has been spending her whole days holding grace because she has been sick for almost a month. started with a simple cold which we thought was from her teething her last few molars but has turned into pnuemonia.

#825136 01/03/04 11:04 AM
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fh has been spending her whole days holding grace because she has been sick for almost a month. started with a simple cold which we thought was from her teething her last few molars but has turned into pnuemonia.

This flu has turned into pnuemonia with several people I know. One of twins and I had had it for almost the month of Dec., but did not thank God turn into pnuemonia. I sure hope she is feeling better soon. Poor baby. ((((((((( ))))

#825137 01/04/04 12:52 AM
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thanks for the positive notes, i appreciate it. i havent much time for posting, but pops does keep me up to date with most of whats going on. i try to keep a step back so that i dont step on any toes. like pops said i have been busy with grace this is the second time in two months that she has gotten so ill. i am just doing everything i can to get her well. its so hard when they are so young.

#825138 01/05/04 11:57 PM
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Dear Pops,

The older children reacted pretty much you said. They were shocked at what their father had done. Since they had already gone through their parents' divorce, they were very insecure about whether or not our marriage would continue.

Once we reassured them that what dad did was a terrible mistake and it was not the right way to handle problems in a relationship, they actually got a very good lesson in what to avoid in a marriage.

My H and I worked very hard to turn the negatives into positives and show them that it is important to communicate what is bothering you to the person you care about. This was, inadvertently, a good lesson for a blended family because, as could be expected, there were problems in step-parenting that also needed to be aired.

Luckily, in our case, the shock and reproach was always on dad -- never the OC. She was accepted as a sister.

love,
heavenly

#825139 01/06/04 12:03 AM
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Dear Fullhouse and Pops,

I am so sorry to hear that Grace has been ill with pneumonia. I was sick after Christmas with an acute bronchitis that the doctors thought was turning into pneumonia. As Need said, this is happening to many people.

Take good care of Grace. You can be sure I will be praying for her quick recovery. It is so awful to see them suffering when they are so young.

Take good care of you too. Caring for a sick child really wears you down. I know that you have great help in Pops!

love,
heavenly


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