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Joined: Dec 2003
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I have been trying to just keep my chin up and be strong, but it is hard when my husband keeps throwing me for a loop. His behavior reminds me of a book title I saw recently, "Dated Jekyll, Married Hyde." <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

* I love OW - No, actually I just want to be with her to find out if this is my child. So, I keep her happy.

* His "I love you" to me turns into "I care so much about you."

* I don't care about your feelings, but I am sorry I hurt you and understand what I have done to you. I don't want you to be upset.

* I have already moved on, but I hurt every day.

* Come here and let me hold you, but not for too long because I have to check in with my warden (OW) every 1/2 hour on the dot! She is trying to keep him on a TIGHT leash and calls him constantly.

etc. etc. This list could take up several pages. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> I'm sure you get the point.

We are preparing to go to Plan B at the end of this month. He is not willing to give up his OW even though he admits she is not anything to brag about. He knows she's worthless. Still she's the one getting lots of attention and affection, while I mostly get the cold shoulder.

Every day my heart seems to break all over again. One day he is almost kind, the next mean-spirited and malicious. I miss the man I married so much... I am beginning to understand why this happened. We have had several very meaningful conversations. I know he loves me. Why won't he just stop this?

Is anyone there? I could really use some cheering up and/or good advice.

Blessings,
Blue <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

<small>[ January 06, 2004, 08:58 AM: Message edited by: GloomyBlue ]</small>

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GloomyBlue,

I'm so sorry to hear things haven't improved at all since your last post. Sorry but, unfortunately, not suprised. It seems that all of us, when we arrive at MB, are waiting for that magic answer, that miracle cure that will "make everything alright again." The first thing we hear is "patience",,,and, eventually, we learn the TRUE meaning of that word.

His hurtful words to you?? It's what we here call "fogese"...a new language he's learned to speak while in the "fog." We have a post from a while ago What's the Most Ridiculous thing your WS said? It's pretty obvious to see the confusion going on in the mind of the WS.

Are you both still in the home? You haven't moved out, have you? What about counseling? Have you considered counseling with the Harley's? I hear they have EXCELLENT results with their counseling services.

<small>[ January 05, 2004, 10:41 PM: Message edited by: Nerlycrzy ]</small>

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Hello Nerlycrzy:
Your name describes me pretty well too. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

We are both still in our house, but for the most part he stays on his side and I on mine. Unless, of couse, he wants to spend time with me. He says he will move out come February. He will not consider counseling. Right now to him, he only has a wife when he is in this house.

The fog he is in is as thick as pea soup!

Blue <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

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Nerlycrzy:
BTW, thanks for the link (and your kind response). I thought my husband was the only goofball, but many of those posts really sound familiar. My favorite one that my WS said was, "What are you upset about? I haven't done anything wrong."

Huh?!?! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

<small>[ January 06, 2004, 12:17 AM: Message edited by: GloomyBlue ]</small>

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I guess I just knocked him off the fence - more like I shoved him over to the other side. Lots of LoveBusting this morning. I couldn't help it. I just feel so isolated; like I am being punished for trying to be good all these years. Now he wants to leave ASAP.

I really need advice. I am at my wit's end trying to be kind to him. Just when I think I am healing a teensy bit, it all comes flooding back at the bat of an eye.

What is going to happen next?

Blue <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

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GloomyBlue,

How are you doing today? Have you been able to have any constructive talks with your H?

How about YOU calling the Harley's and arranging counseling for you? Or any other counselor. Dealing with this is HARD. Very hard. You need to take some time out to take care of YOU.

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Nerlycrzy:

You are very kind to remember me. Yes, my husband and I have had a few long conversations in the past couple of days. I can tell he is very confused right now, but I don't think that I can be patient with his "fogese" much longer.

I am shifting my focus to myself. Individual counseling seems to be a good idea. I am just growing so tired of worrying about him when it is his fault we are in this mess in the first place.

Hope you are doing well.

(((Hugs)))
Blue <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

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GloomyBlue,

How familiar are you with this site and the Harley principles? Have you read all about Plan A and Plan B? You should be working a strong Plan A at this time and while it DOES involve making every attempt to eliminate LoveBusters, it also concentrates on helping YOU to be the very best YOU you can be. A long time poster on MB has the signature line that reads---

"*If you've come here for help, don't expect change. Expect to change.* This site will not fix your spouse. But it might fix you, and in a way that makes it hard for someone who loves you, to ignore they love you."

Take care of YOU GloomyBlue. Check into that counseling. I did it and I wasn't ever sorry I did.

(((GloomyBlue))))))


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