I could really like to hear some positive stories, something to give me a little bit of hope.

<small>[ January 19, 2004, 04:03 PM: Message edited by: Tony46 ]</small>

success in what area? marriage or C w/ OC?

I will tell you about my marriage. My H never told me about A until he was forced too (almost 2 years after)when OW legally contacted him concerning OC (not about CS). In a desperate attempt to salvage "something" he did not tell me the complete truth. He told me it was a 1 night stand and that he never knew about pregnancy. We separated for 6 months and then got back together Things were going well, we were pregnant with baby # 3 (only 1 child during A) when we got served papers that H was being sued for CS. A week before the CS hearing H tells me the "truth" (again forced and now 6 years after A). It was more than a 1 night stand and he knew of pregnancy, which is when and why A ended.

We hit bottom again and went back to square one, we meet OC a week later and baby # 3 is born the next month. Everything is spinning way out of control in every aspect of our marriage, family and life. Plus the fact that previously to this none of our families knew aobut OC and now it's ALL out and it is NOT pretty.

The successful part comes around now. It took a while for us to gain our footing again. I don't condone my H not telling me, but I am older and a bit wiser now, we both are. I did not handle the rest of the truth very well but I tried and still continue to try.

The best part of this, that I think I have gained, is the respect and admiration I now have FOR my H. Admiration is not something I would have ever used to describe my feelings for him in the past.

This past year and a half or so, has been one of the worst in my life. I thought I would die. My H on the other hand has had to totally "suck it up" and has been sensitive enough to continue to put in the enormous amount of effort into making this marriage work, when I was unable and unwilling, at times, to put in any effort. For that I find my admiration for him growing every day. We have not been "perfect" to each other but have found we are "perfect" FOR each other. We are fully COMMITTED to our family, marriage and each other to keep doing whatever it takes to keep our marriage together.

It has not all been "bad", the passion is in our marriage, which keeps us going through the rough spots. WE have grown up tremendously and we have a greater respect for how blessed we are to still have each other and we try not to take each other for granted as we had in the past (which I'm sure contributed to the A in the first place)We both know that we can not live with out each other and we don't want to.

Our relationship is much deeper than it ever has been, we are each other's priority, we are united. We are totally different (which is just too funny for words) but I try to see our differences as endearing instead of so annoying.

I can go on and on but words really cannot describe the depth of feeling and love I have for my H that I never had before, even before the A. It was a horrible thing he did, we live with it everyday. Him with the knowledge that he caused so much pain to those he should have been protecting and loves most in the world and I with the actual scars and pain in my heart and soul. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

I love to be able to share the goodness that has happened in our lives since the bad stuff is always more easily seen. From what I know in my heart I have felt and gone through with my H, I always tell people, "if we could get through something like this, ANY marriage can make it!!!"

It did take a lot but I know that, as Jesus Christ is my saviour, God really does still do miracles! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Thanks for reminding me and letting me share some of the "goodness" in my life (especailly with Valentine's Day around the corner <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> )

Tony,
if you mean marriage surviving an affair that created an OC, there are MANY success stories here. Some of them have moved on (off the boards) over the years.

DH and I are a success story, in that we've rebuilt our marriage better than ever. I'd probably type more, but I've got a bad cold. Hope you get more replies asap.

Jenny, in recovery 5y and glad

I'm so glad you asked this question and are getting replies. For the past two days I've been questioning why I am putting myself through this. What could I possibly love about a man who could betray me this deeply and why I would want to put myself through the pain and work to come out the otherside still married? Hearing that others have made it and are happy they stuck it out helps. I just want the pain to stop I know...and sometimes looking at him reminds me that he hurt me. Ugh! I hope you get a lot more positive replies. We newbies all need them.

Here's the short version...
Husband had 2 affairs - I discovered both of them.
I had an affair, and child by OM - confessed all to husband.
On many occasions, H said he thought we would be happier with someone else (I did not know that there was someone else for him at that time)
I was in love with OM and ready to leave H to be with OM and our child.
BUT!!! Neither H or I could make the move to leave the other because, despite all the wrongs we had committed, we believed we had married each other for forever. So, neither of us ever left. Unbenounced to each other, both H and I privately pledged to do the right thing, and stay with our partner, leave the OM/OW and suffer/survive the marriage. Also unbenounced to each other, we both made commitments to Jesus Christ and committed to follow His will. For my husband, that meant he had to give me undeserved forgiveness, and he had to start putting his family first. For me, that meant I had to love and forgive my husband, forgive and forget the OM, and (here's the hard part) submit to my husband out of love for Jesus. It wasn't easy at first, but with time the blessings began to pour down upon us.

Today, we have a very happy family. We have had another child and are expecting our 3rd. My H loves our son like he was his own flesh and blood. OC does not know about OM and hopefully never will. OM moved away and has gotten out of our lives -- even after difficult visitation battles.

We are very active in our Church and we are all new creations in Jesus Christ. Quite honestly, the old people that we were are gone, and we are very different today than we were 5 years ago. It was a very long 3 years, followed by 2 good years, and now the past is all but forgotten. We only remember long enough to be reminded of who we can become when we take our eyes off of Christ and we start living for ourselves first. NO, we aren't perfect, but we are restored, and we make much wiser choices now.

It was very hard to own up to all that I did. I had to see how ugly I was. It was hard for H to forgive me, and take responsibility for his own affairs and short comings in our marriage. But, even after all the cheating, the baby, the OM's visitations, the anger, the pain, etc., God took our broken lives and put them back together.

We have never been happier, more grateful for each other, more grateful for forgiveness, or on more solid ground with each other and with our Savior.

Our survival, our health, our happiness are all miracles, but miracles DO happen.

Be strong, persevere, make right choices even when you don't want to, and never give up. Never give up -- even when it seems absolutely hopeless.
Best regards,
-fc

fc,
I have often wondered what ever happened with you.
Great to hear everything is good.

Facing Choices:

What a completely, totally, wonderfully amazing surprise to see you here!!! And with such terrific news!!!!! I couldn't be happier for you and your family.

I'm so tickled that I'm speechless... Congratulations! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I don't post very much anymore. I think we are a success story. H had affair during our first year of marriage, it was a physical affair. We didn't really know of OC until she was almost 3. We do not have contact with OC. H pays CS.

We are almost 7 years into recovery from the affair. We have a 1 1/2 year old daughter and I am finally finishing up my nursing degree part time and am a stay at home mom the rest of the time. H is an awesome dad and DD is a daddy's girl if there ever was one!!

Our marriage is happy and we are glad we stuck out the hard times. It was definitely worth it.

Any oldies out there, email me!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Happy_girl, <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Hey!!!! I was so surprised to see your "handle" this morning! With our major move and such, I have lost, misplace your email address! If you could, email me at jnk89_p@yahoo.com! If you're still in the same place, I'd love to meet you in person as we would be only about 2 hours away!

Tony,

Well, our recovery was rocky, and there were more than one A from both myself and H, BUT, we are now almost 4 yrs post D-day, and things are going good! It's a lot of hard work, but definately worth every ounce of sweat and tears that has been shed. I think that Abbi was our eye opener, although a wonderful joy to have now, during my P, it was quite difficult. As many of the oldies can attest to. There are still and always will be things that we need to work on, but at least now, they are usually normal things that all marriages go through.

Sailorman(who rarely posts anymore) and I are about to celebrate our 15th wedding anniversary, which is pretty exciting to me! And, what I find even more exciting is when we talk about the future, way down the road, and what we plan to do! Like 15 yrs from now, when he plans on retiring from the military, and that Abbi will be a Junior or Senior in HS! Honestly, before D-day, I would wonder how long we would last, and we never would talk about what we would do "when he retired".

So, I consider ourselves a huge success story, although with a very rocky road with many twists and turns! As long as you are honest not only with yourself, but with your W as well, and keep those lines of communication open, you too can be an oldie helping a newbie with this exact question.

Good luck and God bless in your journey through recovery!

Tigger

Facing Choices,

You have no idea what it means to see your post. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I am so happy to hear how your story ended and about the way it ended. I just think it is wonderful.

You do realize that you were the reason I registered and started posting on this site? Your situation touched me and bothered me so much in those days and then to see this post... It is truely wonderful.

I congratulate you and your H and wish you two the very very best.

God Bless,

JL

K, Chris, and JL,
Thanks for your words of support, encouragement and love. I suppose that one wonderful benefit of sharing each other's sorrow as we have, is sharing each other's joy as well. Sometimes the joy is even greater when we understand the depth of pain suffered before finding the joy.

I am so very grateful for the heartfelt expressions you three, and many others, shared with me in the tortured few years I spent sorting out my marriage, life, faith and ultimately myself. I was always very honest in my posts, even when I was admitting things no one wanted to hear (like my powerful feelings for OM). At times I was supported for my honesty and my genuine efforts to resolve all I was living through. Often times I was berated. Many times I walked away from my computer in tears because of the comments someone made. But, everything that was said to me here was useful. It was very valuable for me to see my situation through the eyes of others.

JL, I greatly appreciate all you have ever had to say to me. Your voice was always honest and loving, and you helped to keep me grounded when I tended to drift into lala land. I don't know how you could see into my heart so clearly, but somehow you always knew that my H and I loved each other and that we owed it to each other to mend our marriage. Thank you for the 100s of times you encouraged me in that way. Almost daily, for a good long time, your posts caused me to recall the reasons I first fell in love with H and the good qualities he filled our lives with. Thank you for helping me to see him with right eyes. I honestly hope your situation has improved. I hope in some small way you are encouraged by what God has done in my marriage, and I hope you find his healing in your own as well. You have been an encouragement to me, and I hope that you find a little encouragement in me too.

K, your own vulnerability and suggestions from the father's perspective helped me to love and empathize with my husband. Even in the very long months that my husband refused to talk to me, I could hear his words, feelings, pain, confusion, and love in your words regarding your own son, wife and marriage. Thank you for that gift -- it helped me stay in my marriage when it seemed completely empty. I also appreciate you for always reminding me to consider and communicate about my needs and my H's needs. Truly, putting his needs before my own is difficult, but it is the key to staying healthy.

Chris, thank you for Sharing my joy with me. Thank you for all of the times you spoke your mind, and prayed for me. Thank you for reminding me that Jesus knew how hard it was for me to do what I didn't feel like doing--he knew what suffering was. Thank you for having faith in me, when I didn't have it in myself. Thank you for never letting me forget that God was on my side, calling me to follow him so that he could take care of me. And how sweet it is when he cares for a little lost sheep. Of the many spiritual lessons I have learned in the last 5 years, one of the sweet ones is that when you have HUGE sins in your life, and you finally repent, the grace is immense. He is so tender to the lost. Chris, he threw me a huge party when I, his little prodigal daughter, finally quit living like a swine and ran home. Thanks for all the times you reminded me that he will never leave me.

And to any one else out there who ever offered me a piece of your mind, thank you. Good, bad and otherwise, everything that was said to me here at MB was part of the experience. An experience I grew and learned from.

I doubt I'll be heading back this way much. I've got a kindergartner, a 13 month old, and a baby on the way. They keep me busy, happy, and they tire me out. What little energy I have left at night, I owe to my H. Thank God we are both still here -- I could not be happy without him.

Love,
fc

FC, JL pointed me in your direction, and I read many of your old posts just now. I'm on a very different path than you, but it is still good to see how, years after such heartache and pain, there can be true joy. I wish you more of the same, for you and your H and kids.

I also pray that your OM has found serenity, strength, and courage; his road was perhaps the hardest in all of this, with much learning and growing for him along the way.

I am so excited to see Happy Girl and FC posting after such a long, long time...with success stories to boot. You have been MISSED!!!!

Happy...need e-mail address!

Cat =^^=

<small>[ January 25, 2004, 09:14 PM: Message edited by: catnip ]</small>

FC,

You may not get here often, but I wish you all the best. Congratulations on your growing family (I'm jealous regarding new babies... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> )!!!

Happy Girl,

It's terrific seeing you back here too! Best to your family as well.

FC,

I do hope you post again when you have the time. I must say there was always something very deep about your posts. I cannot articulate what it was, but it seemed clear you were looking for a way out. I am so glad you AND your H found it.

God Bless,

JL

tigger, i emailed you!

hey catnip! great to hear from you!

K~thanks! i definitely think we are a success story!

happy_girl

edited to delete email address.

<small>[ January 26, 2004, 06:14 PM: Message edited by: happy_girl ]</small>

Happy Girl...

I've got your e-mail address written down so you can delete if you want to. I'll e-mail tonight when I get home from school. I can't wait to hear all the news!

Love

Cat =^^=