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#825847 01/31/04 01:25 PM
Joined: Jul 2003
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Just wondering, since we are always asking and looking for advice here (at least I am), are there any lawyers on this board that have been through this mess themselves and are willing to talk/give advice? I have mentioned before that I have been to several lawyers who made ME (the BS) feel like a criminal for going to a lawyer in the first place to try and protect myself. NOBODY wanted to talk to me unless I wanted to get a divorce, or maybe they would have if I had a ton of $ to put down but I don't. It would be nice if we had some resident lawyers here who would be willing to talk to those of us who are new to this if we happen to be in the same state. Anyone?

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e29 Offline
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I'm a licensed attorney and am currently working with domestic relations. Right now I've been immersed in domestic violence cases, so that's been my focus lately.
I try to help where I can.

e.

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e29,

Wondered if I could please ask your opinion on an incident?

OW filed an RO. In order to do so, she fabricated lies by distorting timelines and changing the stories so that she appeared to be the victim.

She threatend to the WS to 'tell me all'. I am sure you have heard those lines before. I got an e-mail after she supposedly filed RO charnges. She then called several abuse women's type hotlines and even tried to call several members of my church. Her last e-mail to me said she was sorry to hear my mother was dying. This insensed me. The last thing I want to her from her is about my mother dying. I can't tell you how much this upset me. OW does not know my mother. In fact at that time I had not even met the OW. I saw her face to face the first time in court.

When the RO paperwork was filed, we saw that she filed hardship so that the RO fees were waived. This is an OW who has $$. That was one of her 'assets' in a previous e-mail to me that she was rich and would make the WS happier, heathier and weathier than he had ever been with the BS and family. Instead the WS came home, sick a broken man and quite poor.

My question is, would the court be interested in knowing that the OW used the court RO system to:

1. get free RO filings
2. lied in court
3. tried to take advantage of the women's abuse shelters (she went to at 2 - 3) of them
4. made threats to WS and BS
5. played the part of the victim when all the while she was the one threatening others.
6. made numerous hangup calls to my home and my work.

I ask this because when we approached a civil lawyer, he seem disinterested. I am appalled that the OW stooped to manipulating the court system in her A game. The woman is a bit off her rocker and the judge did say her case was borderline at best but he still granted the RO against both of them but the final judgement only showed the RO against the WS.

NOTE: WS had come home and is doing much better. I think we are still getting some hangup phone calls 4 months later but not sure. I will be checking on this matter.

I am willing to bring to matter up before the court even if it only results in them issuing a citation or something to collect the fees due to her misleading the courts.

One more point, after the 1st RO was granted, 1 month later, the OW tried to serve another set of RO paperwork from another county. Talk about nuts or what.?!?!?!?? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Is it worth the effort? If so, how?

Your thoughts are appreciated.

Thanks,
L.

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EJA Offline
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I am not a lawyer but interested in the legal part of affairs. I live in CA and adultery is against the law. My question to you is (sorry, I am a new user) what is an RO? I am close to filing charges against the OW. Good luck.

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e29 Offline
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Hi L.
I'm licensed in OH, so thats where my knowlege and advice is coming from. Keep in mind that your state may treat these things differently.

Here, in domestic violence cases we have something called a civil protection order (CPO). A party can go before a judge or a magistrate and get a temporary order (an ex parte hearing) based only on oral facts. The opposing party does not have to be there and usually isn't, so the judge usually hears a very one-sided version of the story. Another hearing is scheduled soon after the ex parte one so that the judge can hear both parties and then a decision is made whether or not to grant a more permanent CPO. It's at this hearing that witnesses can be called and evidence introduced.

DV cases usually have the filing costs waived. The reason for this is because the court system doesn't want anyone to not file because of financial reasons. I don't believe they look too closely at people's financial resources as their primary purpose is to protect the victim.
So with that out of the way...

You certainly have a right to point out an abuse of the system. However, given the current overflow of cases that all courts seem to be dealing with I have a feeling it wouldn't be a priority. It's also hard to prove that she lied. It comes down to one person's word against anothers and it is for the judge to decide who seems more credible and believable. Usually the judge has made that decision in court already. And judges really don't like to be second guessed.

As for the phonecalls. If most of this in the past then let it lie there. If the calls continue then it sounds like it could be harassment (which can be a criminal matter.) Get caller ID. Start documenting the calls. How often and when. Call the police if you need to. That's what they're there for.

I hope you and your husband are able to heal in peace, and I wish you both well.

e.

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EJA - Adultery is against the law in CA? What does that mean? We don't live in CA, but OW does. Can I bring a suit against her?
E29 - You are licensed in OH? Are you familiar with laws in other states?

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EJA - Adultery is against the law in CA? What does that mean? We don't live in CA, but OW does. Can I bring a suit against her?
E29 - You are licensed in OH? Are you familiar with laws in other states?

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e29,

Thank you for taking the time to clarify these legal points for me. The lawyer we visited did not see enough profit for his time and basically shrugged us off. I understand this is his lilvely hood but it was our life on the line. We had no idea what was required of an RO but learned quickly.

Yes, the judges don't like be 2nd guessed that's human nature but that imperfection can sometimes hinder justice.

In CA the RO participants get 1 chance before the judge. If one party does not show, too bad. Ws responded to the RO in writing and showed up in court, but a temp judge heard the case so I don't feel ample attention was given. Of course this case was not a show stopper for anyone but us. Law abiding citizens and yet we still suffer from the system we pay for. Go figure.

I know that adultery or even alienation of affection are not fileable in CA. S/b but it isn't. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

As for the OWs lying, I believe I have enough e-mails to show she was not as innocent as she claimed. She claimed the WS was chasing her. Let's see, she called to tell me she was prego, asked for monthly allowance for prenatal care and child support for a pregnancy she did not prove, called me a lesbian, told me I was unfit as a W and mother, accused me of having an affair with my FIL and abusing my son and H, told me she would make the WS happier, healthier and wealthier than he ever was with us. Geeze, I could go on...... IMHO she earned the title: PBR (psyco babble rabbit). LOL!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Thanks again for your help. I am glad there are some in the legal profession who don't think our problems are worthless.

I know there are many here on this site who would also benefit from you assistance.

Mahalo,
L.


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