hey. just have to rant. DH pays CS. CS was not ordered until OC was almost 3. OW never outright told H she was pregnant and never pursued CS until then. Still, the courts ordered back childsupport to her even though state law says that it is from filing date. The amount ordered was $19,995

SO, we started off in the hole. We pay $633.25 a month and about $150 goes toward back support, which means that because of interest, the balance doesn't go down at all, it actually goes UP.

Fast forward to a few months ago. We found out that H's ex-employer wasn't sending the payments the way he was supposed to and that because of that, we were behind almost $3500. He payed erratically even though he took out the money weekly. So, some months they took the whole monthly amount sent and applied to the back support leaving the current support to arrears.

Now, we finally got the money from his ex-employer. I call to find out how to get the money applied to the CURRENT arrears and they say it can't be. That any money goes to current month, then to the oldest debt which is the Judgement arrears. WTF?? So we can't even fix it, yet they can threaten to suspend his license.

We sent a letter about 2 months ago requesting they review his case and apply the monies correctly since it was his employers error. Still no response from them. And with their attitude I am sure they will say it was our fault somehow. It took them almost a year to even tell us. They could have let us know right away, but they didn't.

I am just so frustrated. We just can't get ahead. I just live for the moment I graduate from nursing school and can work part time and we can buy a house. Then, I want to refinance it to get money out as soon as we are able to to pay off the arrears.

Does that sound like a plan? EIther way, they will likely put a lien on the house as soon as we get it for the past due CS. And that is IF we can even qualify for a house with the back support on his credit.

Any advice or suggestions for me? We are in AZ, a community property state.

Thanks. I just am so mad right now. They treat you like you are a criminal. It is so unfair. OW waited and didn't tell and now H is practically a criminal.

I know how frustrating this is. The thing is the NON-deadbeat dads are being treated as and paying for all the real dead beat dads.

They treat you like you are the dead beat, when obviously you aren't because YOU are the one paying.

What WAS the employer doing with the $$$ all that time? That's wierd.

How about trying to talk to the family law facilitator @ the court.

I am in CA so I don't know about AZ but that is what they have over here, and their attitude is much different then the DA and the courts. They actually are sympathetic to the dads and really try to help, even if it is mostly in vain.

I know how lame and frustrating this is and to add insult to injury....ours is on our credit report too. Our CS started in 1 month and 2 months later they reported on our credit report as 4 months late, 2 months in a row with NO report after that! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> Interesting because it is all deducted automatically. Of course they do not report any thing positive on our credit report.

I don't think this will ever change but I DO feel for you. It's just so unfair. And how is it constitutional to have a CS obligation on your credit report? No one else has to report how many children they are responsible for on THIER credit reports so why do other men? You can have 10 kids, but not "in the system", and no one knows from looking @ your credit report but then if you have even 1 "in the system" it can be a "credit risk"?

Go ahead and vent, it's about all we can do about it. Hey, but some people actually do get thier arrears paid off.........eventually. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

happygirl, I'm so sorry this is happening. I really don't have any advice. I really hope someone, anyone has some good advice for you. Just want to offer some sympathy and support. It sounds so very very frustrating.

How's your little girl?

God be with you,
J

Happy...You can legally separate and have your husband issue you a Quit Claim deed on your house to protect it from liens from CS agenciues. This really works. If the house is in your name, none of those people can ever touch it.

I did this successfully. This really works.

You do not have to actually separate. You can file for legal separation and go to city hall and transfer the deed all in one day. Then forget about it. When CS looks to put a lien on your house, they will see they can't because it is in your name only. If they question whether or not you are separated (which I doubt), just say you got back together and leave it at that.

It's a good way to protect yourself from these leeches.

Good luck

Cat =^^=

The deed is a great idea. No sense in having your husband own anything.

As for the arrears, the business taking but holding $$. Something is totally wrong here. You are being punished for something you didn't do. I would keep looking into this one, something is fishy.

As for the years where you did not know? Even that is out of line. How can you be expected to do this? Did you have an attorney? My advice, and it's only my own personal thoughts would be to fight the back pay. If you didn't know the oc existed, then how are you supposed to pay? I would speak to attorneys, accountants, and any/all agencies until I had that answered. If the state guidelines say it is from the date filed, look into it. You are being robbed.

And they wonder why so many of us need to push the envelope with the law to protect our hard earned assets. You should check into her legally witholding your husbands "child" from him and sue her for emotional abuse. Afterall, she knew it was or could be his and willingly witheld the child for how many years? Geesh, check into suing her. Can't hurt.

But you keep digging into that state law. If it says from date filed.

Something isn't right here.

Also, check into Mens sights online. You may find an organization that will help you. Look for Mens Issues, or the like.

I will ask too, but each state is different.

I would sue her for emotional abuse.

Thanks everyone for the support and advice. I didn't know about the separation or quit claim deed. We will have to look into that if we can even qualify for a house.

We had a lawyer, but I don't think he was a good one. I was not involved in anything. I worked full time and was the only one in the office at the time, so I could not be off work. I asked him how that could be and he said something like the law only applied to married people or people who were actually together and father involved, etc. He basically said we were lucky they only applied the current CS rate and didn't do an analysis of his income at the time and apply that. He sucked. Pushed visitation even though H didn't want it, etc. Said it would lower the CS, etc.

I will have to look into the family court system and see if there is anyone there who will help a dad. I think they see him as a deadbeat since he has back support owed. It is just frustrating.

I wish I could sue her for something, but she has nothing. I just wish I could tell her how I feel, but my words would be wasted. She could care less. And, I don't need to waste my emotional energy on her. I hate wasting it on stuff like this. Usually it is just a monthly check I write and life goes on. A really big bill that sucks.

Anyway, I will have to look into things. We can't afford an attorney now, but when I finish school and start to work part time as a nurse, we should be able to. But then, they will probably just say if you had no problem with the back support then, why now??

Jenny- our daughter is fine. She is a sweet, beautiful, loving little girl. I love being a mom and DH is a wonderful dad. He adores her and she adores him. Thanks for asking!!

Well, I will talk to you guys later! Thanks for all the support and ideas!!

HG

<small>[ February 17, 2004, 12:35 AM: Message edited by: happy_girl ]</small>

Happy

Go on "Private" and post the web address to your photo album so the oldies can see your gorgeous daughter.

Cat =^^=

catnip,

i can't get on the private forum. i emailed temptest a couple weeks ago, but didn't get a response or anything. should i email her again?

hg

For some reason, this is taking longer than it used to; probably because the moderators are overworked and busy. They always get around to it, so please be patient. Send another e-mail just in case the first one got lost some how.

Happy_girl Sorry for your dilemma,I have to ask was there ever a DNA test to determine paternity?

<small>[ February 15, 2004, 08:27 AM: Message edited by: MALC ]</small>

Catnip~I emailed her again and will just wait and see if I get a reply! I am sure they are very busy and it is amazing they donate their time.

MALC~Paternity was established by DNA after we went to court and asked that a test be done since he wasn't sure if the baby was his or not. According to his lawyer it was 99% positive.

HG

just here because i am even more frustrated now. H's ex-boss gave him the $1700 dollars he had never sent. H went to CS office to talk to caseworker, gave her the money and she told me not to worry, since he was paying, etc that nothing would be set against him. gave him a receipt, etc.

well, today, we get in the mail a letter saying they are sending the case to court to suspend his driver's license. so then, he won't be able to work, and won't be able to pay, then what? he goes to jail and I have to file for state support and they will have to support me and the OW/OC. what is their problem???????? he is paying. it isn't our fault the OW waited to go to court for so long and we ended up with a huge support judgement.

i am so angry. i know my H was responsible, but when does OW take some responsibility? she waits and benefits, since she gets the money PLUS interest. and we have to live from check to check and fear that they will suspend his license, etc.

anyway, just wanted to update. i just cried after i got the letter. we are so helpless here. i guess we can always run off to mexico and live out our days there forever if things get worse.

HG

Oh Happygirl!! I'm so sorry! Maybe the letter was sent before the payment, though, right? I would keep pestering them. "They" are a stupid bureaucracy and the right and left hands never know what they are do. If you push and push for your side, someone should eventually see some reason, I hope. The squeeky wheel and all that. Don't give up yet! Hang in there,

your friend,
J

Happygirl, I have a girlfriend who went through something simular. Her xh had his wages garnished and the co did not send in the payments. I was in court with her and they threaten to put xh in jail if the co. did not come down and pay the money owed. I'm sure he has his pay stubs right? You also have that receipt. Take everything you have down there and show them. THis is your boss employers fault for not abiding by the laws regarding garnishment. I'm sorry your going through this.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by happy_girl:
<strong> i guess we can always run off to mexico and live out our days there forever if things get worse.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">LOL! Are you in CA? I am and H has family in TJ,Mexico so we always say this but sometimes I'm SERIOUS!!!!!!

Don't worry, really. It's scary but the state wants "their" $$$$ so if you have to go to a hearing and stand before a judge they will understand the situation. They know that you can't pay if you're in jail. Be sure to save every stitch of paper in case the courts conveniently forget to notify the DMV.

I swear this must be unconstitutional!

If you are in CA you can talk to the Family Law Facilitator @ the court, just H, and they will help him with this. That was the first ?? they asked us, if H liscense had been suspended.

I understand your helplessness and the moments of hopelessness. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> It will get better.

thanks jenny, needtomoveon and ktbunch. i was just so frustrated and needed to vent. i am hoping that if we do have to go to court, that the judge will hear our side. we won't have a lawyer though, can't afford one right now. not that the last one we had helped any anyway.

ktbunch, my DH is from mexico. we will actually be there for 11 days, we leave in a little over a week. can't wait. i love his hometown. it is way down south. i could definitely live there. it would be an adjustment, but we could do it. thought lots about it when we were dealing with immigration. i am totally bilingual so it wouldn't be total culture shock.

what a life we have, having to deal with 2 government agencies that both have NO idea what they are doing. and their employees have to be the most unhappy and rude people i have met...

anyway, i was totally serious too about going to mexico. it can't be worse than dealing with everything we do here. but, we would be very poor. kinda like we are now. ha ha. not really.

thanks again. i will keep you posted as to what happens. DH is going to take the letter there to ask them why he got it when they said everything was fine since he is paying, etc.

bye!

Happy_girl,

I was kinda hoping that you wouldn't be taking your trip so that we could meet up! But, I think you will have a wonderful time! Enjoy your time away from the craziness, and let us know about court dates and such! Maybe around Easter break we can meet up? I'll email you a little later about it, ok?

As for the BS of the back CS, I hope that gets straightened out soon as well! I agree with Lynn, if you have all your pay stubs and/or reciepts, I don't see how or why you would be responsible for the interest! It's not like it was your fault, and I think that the CS system should take some of the blame as well, for not contacting you about not getting the payments!!!!

Wish I had some advice or such, but you are in good hands!

Love,

Tigger

happy_girl,
here is a thought. Maybe you alreday did this. On your H's pay stubs does it say that the money was taken out for child support? If you can show them this then I do not understand why they are still blaming him. People just don't care! How about suing his boss? Oc course, I guess he would have to find a new job first!


Did you ever appeal the arrears? I was under the asumption if you don't agree with it you can appeal.

Dawn

tigger and dawn,

his boss even wrote on the check he gave him for the support he hadn't sent in that it was for child support. it was obvious that he had withheld it and not sent it in. they just don't care. they have no sympathy for him as they see him as a "dead beat" since he has such a huge bill. they could care less how he got the huge bill.

i don't know if we can appeal the arrears. i think we had a sucky lawyer. we can't afford to get one right now. but, when we can, and when we can afford the increase they will likely enforce, we are going to contact a lawyer and see if it was legal that they ordered the arrears when she waited for so long to file.

one week and we will be in mexico enjoying time with my MIL. 11 days without all the mess of this. she knows about OC, but never talks about it. thankfully.

Happy,

Well, I thought of you the other day when watching the local news. Check out the NBC station, as they often offer free legal advice I believe on Wednesdays. Check it out, cause I recall hearing them say it was family law advice.

As for your trip, enjoy the time you get to spend away from the madness!

Love,

Tigger