Good for you!!! let her give birth alone. That is her problem. Go enjoy your cruise.

DO NOT TALK ABOUT ANYTHING WITH HER. Get the laywer to handle the details. She harrassed you on a night out. Hope you wrote that down. Call the local police department and complain about her stalking behavior. Did you tell your laywer about her?

As for the sister-in-law. You and your husband should tell her, to her face that if she cares so much for the ow, she will no longer be welcome in your lives an stick to it. She is a poisen in your marriage and needs to be set aside.

Now, have you hired the laywer yet? Have him send her a letter to stay away from any contact with you. Keep an eye on her. She may not be pregnant afterall. An ow lying is hardly a surpise!! Talk to your laywer about her having to give proof of her pregnancy to you. HIPA or not her actions are harrasment. Put heat on her.

Do not let her ever,not once get away with any type of scene or stalking behavior. Hit her back, and hard.

As for talking to her about any of her wishes? DO NOT. You are not to even think of accomodating this woman in any way shape or form. Her life is her own problem. Your lives and marriage is none of her business. What you and your husband do or don't do is none of her business. How, when, if you decide on contact is none of her business. If oc is his, she will be notifed by the laywer of when and what will happen. Do not let her even think she has a right to know anything about you.

Be tough, be firm and do not let up the grip on her until she backs off. Do not awknowledge her existance or even her pregnancy until you know that the child is your husbands. Even then, treat the child with respect and kindness and totally ignore her. She does not matter to you and never will. Have that 3rd party take care of handoffs and let her know that she is not a consideration at all.

Keep up the strength. You are doing great. And kudos to your husband for putting her in her place also!!! As for her hurting? Well to bad for her. Not your problem DO NOT DIGNIFY her at all. You have no proof that she is pregnant and that the child is his. Do not treat her as such.

Keep the courage dear. You and he will get past this and thrive,no matter what.

So, how are the cruise plans? We are planning a huge family trip to celebrate the end of cs in 1.5 years. Right now it looks like Australia for a month!!! Maybe Hawaii. Still checking into various properties.

Make sure you spend some time on you and your husband. Don't waste your time on her.

We are going to the Caman Islands? Leaving fron New orleans and be gone for 7 days!!!! No phone, no X-OW, just us and the friends that are supporting us. We've got some really good friends and they have really made him feel bad for what he has done. They tell him all the time that there is not another like me!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> (They don't know about this site. LOL.) If it hadn't been for this site I would have been crazy by now. I'm trying to get the attorney set up now. We live in TN, she lives MS. So we have to find someone down there. And going to have to drive over an hour to do so!! So help me if she is playing the pg thing I'm going to sue her for everything she has. But I wouldn't put this past her. In Oct when we started seeing each other again, before he moved back home, she screamed she was pg, and she wasn't. H really got suckered into the one last time bit, and now he's going to deal w/ the fact that he was taken! I told him saying NO would have been the thing to do. She would love it if I kicked him out and took everything. I went to a web site and printed a parenting plan and we are doing it. I just want us to be able to get the baby for more than a day. I hope they will let us do weekends, but I don't know yet. That should be her punishment for doing this is to have to give up that baby and that way she can think about it ! I don't see how we are going to bond w/ it if we have to wait till its 1 yr or so. But if they where married and divorced he would be able to see it. I just want to papers done and get on w/it! I would like to be a fly on that wall when she gets them. She, I think, will realize that we are not going to play w/ her. And she will know shes not calling the shots. H still said that she didn't want to spend the money on the lawyer's. But I told him in the long run of covering our butts, she can't come back on it and tell her we owe her something.

That is so great you & H are getting out of town & OW will be left to her own devices during the birth! I am so happy for you that your H is standing by you, & that you have people around him that will remind him of what a gem he has in you! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

God Bless,
BG

Let me tell you something. The quicker you grab the bulls by the horn (as you have)the easier this will all become. By taking control of your situation and gaining an exact insight to the what/where/when/why's will leave you in a situation to not be sucker punched again. By handling this as a couple, will aid in your healing and deepen the bond of your marriage. While it obviously has it's hurt attached, we all get hurt in life, it's how we deal with it that matters. Being strong will serve you quite well for the future.

If that child proves to not be, I would nail her with a lawsuit that will have her head spinning. Even if all I won was one dollar. If that child IS his. Then I would go for joint custody. No reason at all that you couldn't start visitation immediately. Why not? Even if she breast feeds, she can pump. If you want visitation, demand 50% of the time. He has just as much right to that baby as she would.

To many people let the ow control to much. She has no right to keep his child from him if he wishes to be a father. Fight for it. The tougher you are upfront, the smoother it will be in the long run.

Do you know anyone in her state? Do you know a tough laywer in your own state? Can he give to the name of a tought laywer?

You cruise sounds wonderful. I hope you enjoy it. I love cruising. It is so relaxing and romantic. I love walking the decks in the evening. Just so wonderful! Focus on that. Keep your eyes open, soon all the cruise wear will be on markdowns as summer hits. You can never go wrong with navy and white for a fall cruise. Timeless black and white. And of course the wonderful wild colors of the tropics!!! Focus on that when you get down. Imagine dancing under the stars with your husband, while she is alone in the labor room!! Then snap her right out of your thoughts!

You and your marriage can and will thrive just fine. You will have the life you want as long as you go for it. You will be happy again and all will be just fine. You will live well, love well and laugh well. You will be fine.

Yes I can't wait till we leave ! Next weekend we are going to our cabin in AR and hopfully we can sit down and go over the parenting plan. My H I think is scared of making waves, he thinks she will only react crazy if we give her papers. Don't care, we can handle it. If he expects me to help raise this child then I have every right to voice my needs and wants!! Because do you think hes going to bathe and change this kid, NOT, changing our D diapers made him throw up!. Men just want everything to be nice and quiet, and not to make waves, then they should keep it where it belongs! I may not have much to say to her but my voice will be heard thru my H. I told him we are doing the attorney now and I want proof of the preg, before we go any further. He realizes now that I am not going to let her run my home. I know he is stressed to the limit, and really don't know what to do for him. I can just be there. But when his sis and OW start crap I'm the one who gets to listen to it. He's stressed about the money, he's going to have to pay. I'm going to have to put it on MY insurance. He really is scared I'm going to cut out, like his family has told him, and just take everything. No, don't plan on that. OW started in again on me sleeping w/ a freind of his while we where seperated. Told him there is no way I can prove it, he was just going to have to trust me. She (OW) knows this is a bad spot w/ him and she uses it, thats what I told him. And told him he needed to cut out the contact!! I think he feels sorry for her. But I'm really getting tired of the contact. So when we go next weekend we will be discussing this. If he gives her a chance to put dought then she will do it. I think she has this attitude if he's not w/ me (OW) then he shouldn't be w/ her (me). Should I make an untamadium if he can't cut out the contact then I'm not staying? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> Or should I just wait & see and not really make a big deal out of it? YET.

I think you said she is only like 10 weeks pregnant. I would want to know the doctor she is seeing and get proof of pregnancy from them! Once you have proof she is pregnant there doesn't need to be contact until that baby is born. This is just too much drama for her only being 10 weeks pregnant! But I would speak with a lawyer because if he really wants joint custody then just popping his head in when the baby is born might not look good. Maybe a lawyer keeping in contact on his behalf...like when an ultrasound is done, getting an update on each trimester. But if I were you and wanted joint custody I would try to make the best case I could since you are out of state.

I agree with the previous post Sunny, verifying the pg. should be done & maybe an update along the way through a lawyer or someone other than your H's sister other than that, all that chatter in your H's ear from his sis & OW has to stop. If she is allowed to do this now it will never stop.

If your H is stressed oh well, what about you & your stress level? You come first, & yes I think the OW always feel like the H they have used the oldest trick in the book to try & steal should be wtih them & not the W, I mean who are you anyway, oh just the woman your H vowed to love, honor & cherish before God! They can be truly deranged in their thinking.

I wouldn't put it as an ultimatum but let him know in a loving & firm way that you are not going to tolerate this continued unnecessary contact w/ OW. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

God Bless,
BG

BS (43) me
WH (36)
Married 8 yrs. / Together 11 yrs.
Son - 21 yrs. old
DD - 7/14/02
Separated 7/14/02 & 8/26/02
OC born - 10/4/02
In recovery? - 4/13/03

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by BabyGirl93:
<strong>I wouldn't put it as an ultimatum but let him know in a loving & firm way that you are not going to tolerate this continued unnecessary contact w/ OW. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I agree.

Why are you even questioning this?

Think of it like this," Should I allow H to continue A or not?" hmmmm...what do you think? Because that is what he is doing. H is spending time and energy on OW that belongs to you. That is just plain wrong, I don't care how you look at it.

Stand up for yourself woman!

Your marraige cannot begin to heal and recover until ALL C w/ OW has STOPPED! completely!

Change all your phone # if you have to.

We really need time alone so we can go over all this crap. We go, & go and always have people w/ us. But next weekend is ours! I'm writing different things that I feel and want to see and expect to see. His sister acts likes she hasn't done anything. She really amazes me! Acting like she really cares about us! Give me a break. Told H that I would be nice but would not tell her anything about our lives. I think if we can finally sit down and talk about this then maybe I wouldn't wake up, go to sleep, and think about it all day. I want to just live my life and be happy. I really stopped talking about it to most of our friends, I talk here and to one friend that is a god send also. She loves me and is there for whatever happens and its great. I really don't know who to trust, and who is telling the OW things we do and go, but if I don't tell anyone then maybe I will find out how she finds out stuff. I think once the OC gets here and the test are done then I will feel better and want have to wonder about it anymore. We are looking forward to the cruise and some friends try to get us to change the date and go now, but I would rather go on due date as planned.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> It's been quiet for the rest of the week, but its always quiet before the storm? I wake up thinking OK whats going to happen today and how hard is it going to be to get thru it. Boy, wonder woman hasn't got crap on ya'll thats made it thru this !! Thanks for listening again.

Sunny,

Your H's sister sounds like a real trip like my SIL & MIL. Sounds like she needs a life & some business of her own. I know that is your H's blood & it is a fine line to walk but she needs to be put in her place & quick, sounds like she just wants to get info. on what is going on with you to pass on to OW.

It would be good if you 2 have some time to talk about your relationship & family & what steps you will take regarding OC. Communication & a united front is key right now & you 2 seem to be on the right track. You will make it through this also & help other newbies here one day. Keep the faith! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

I know I shouldn't feel this way but sometimes I think, that if I let my emotions take over and just start telling these people (sis & OW) how I really feel about them than everything is going to start crashing down. I do have a passive tendency and I am working on getting past that. Thats what more than likly got us into this mess. I never said anything to the OW and allowed her to mess w/ my life. Of course really never had proof either. My mother always said beleive none of what you hear and 1/2 of what you see and I guess I've done that. I'm working on being more aggressive but when you've never been that way so its hard. But I have been able to tell H how I feel most of the time, and try to keep it gentle. Not letting the devil take over and me just go crazy!

Sunny,

I didn't mean for you to talk to OW & SIL, I feel that is your H's place. I think he should be handling this, as I said before contact w/ OW til baby is born is really not necessary is it? And as far as his sister goes, he should be telling her to butt out of your marriage, he has no control over what his sister & OW talk about of course, but that doesn't mean sis should be all in your business & going back telling OW or relating messages from OW.

I made the mistake of confiding in my MIL about problems w/ her son & she sat & listened knowing all about A, OW & OC on the way. Once cat was out the bag she sided w/ OW! His whole family knew even the grandkids, OC was on the way & no one told me. I told them all how I felt about their betrayal also, & now I deal with none of them.

Your H should nip that whole problem in the bud before it gets any worse. You need to concentrate on marriage & daughter.

WHAAAAAT Tell him that contact with her is crossing the line. That you will have none of it. HE needs to wake up and realize the damage.

As for the sister in law, at this point I would totally block her out of your life. I would not speak to her at all. Totally and 100% ignore her. Family function? Well go be nice and polite to everyone, but do not look at or speak to her at all. Totally freeze her out.

BLAST HIM when he speaks to her. Do not let this go on much longer. You do not want to be a doormat. Tell him flat out and mean it, he can't talk to her.

Who cares about her feelings? She does not matter and you have to make him realize that her feelings and concerns are none of your/his business. She does not count.

I know your right. Today I got several phone calls, on my co. cell, no number showed up and they just asked for H. OW friend has my # and shes the only one thats ever called and the # not show. I just said this is his wife can I help you and they hand up. Its that kind of crap that I am tired of. Didn't tell my H. We had a good weekend and haven't heard from OW in week now. I've started praying that god will take my enemies from me? And hope that he will. I sometime let all of this just over whelm me and I can't do that.

Sunny please get a lawyer ASAP. Please don't give your power away, also change your #. Stop talking to family members about your plans. Apparently someone in your H immediate family is passing information to SIL there-fore it gets to ow.

Please take the suggestions here it's been done before you, it works Sunny when properly applied.
Once again please get the Lawyer also DNA test.

Question why do you have to get a lawyer were ow resides?

Our states are very close. She lives about 45 mins from my house but she is still in another state. Been looking for an attorney that works in both states. I found a lady and called several times and haven't heard back. But listening to others I may need to get a man. I found one and called him left message. So maybe he will call me tomorrow. I have one to do my seperation papers here.