Thank you very much for the examples of OW/OC issues in the Bible. I am a firm believer in the Bible and in each and every Bible story there is a reason. I truly believe God did not forget to cover any situation in life that will come up- back then or now. I felt so much peace when I read those instances in the Bible-- as if this is nothing "new" to God (lol). H was in tears when I told him that God is not against him, but that he understands that you have pain too, and loves you. My mother and father also conveyed to me that they feel the same way about our M and OC and OW-- they did not want to influence me either way, but that they felt NC is the only way our family can stay intact now.

I think God wants our family to stay together and that he will take care of OC and OW. The breakdown of a normal family unit for OW/OC is a consequence of the choice OW made to enter into a relationship willingly with a man who had a W and children with her. God's word lets us know that out of evil good does not come. This situation came of evil and now we all suffer the trickle down destruction of the A, even the innocent "Betrayed Children" and OC. Really, we are all still suffering the trickle down of Adam and Eve's choice to give in to temptation.

I even wonder from OW point of view- why is the BS/MM expected to be exactly everything that the MM/OW were not themselves, before OW had a child? Why weren't my children held with such regard and why are the moral standards being lifted to such a high expectation once OW had a child to be considered?

If there is anyone in the position of OW w/OC, who is no longer with MM, can you please explain why now everything has changed in the way things should be done now that you and your child/OC feel you are being neglected as me and my children were? Just an honest question.


What the OW in these cases seem to denyis that they chose this path along with MM. Its like the OW feels that since they had a child now and MM went back to his family-- that they are so pure and so wonderful all of the sudden????? They are innocent parties to this NOW? They "hate" this jerk MM, however, in reading all of these boards, most OW only "gave up" MM because he chose to go back to his family. Did NOT any of them realize that when you are participating knowingly in deceit, lies and tricking the BS who also has children who are directly being hurt by this, that you are guilty? Did they think that a pregnancy would be welcomed with open arms by MM, even if he was 50% to blame? Why would MM want a child involved in this mess if he were keeping it all a secret to begin with? Why is OW shocked? It kills me that they feel MM has no consequence, he is off scott free? That is not the case-- they are sharing the pain along with OW or OC. They have so much damage to fix and humiliation and guilt. They also, while it may be the least important issue, suffer financial burdens also. We see many MM being unfairly made out by the court and are robbed blind.

Hi there Giovanna....I am not ow, not oc. I was in this situation starting in 1998 and am glad to say I have learned and now am living.

I dont know how many responses you will get to your question but I want you to know about the ow in my case.

I think she did think that MM would leave me and join her and her family. Why wouldnt she believe that? He was living with her, they were already playing family...just one little problem...he had a wife 1000 miles away with a child also. Did I know about her? I had suspicions. Did she know about me? You betcha! Did he lie to her and tell her he loved her. Of course he did! You think when someone says they love you they are committed to you, right. That is what we as wives think, I think the ow are disillisioned to think that yes this poor soul can really love 2 people and of course he is just with the wife because she wont let go, or he has to help her until she gets on her feet or whatever BS he offers up.

Anyways....after the fact...years after...there had been no contact for way over a year and she contacted me and apologized to me. She told me that when H left her pg she had no where to turn but to God and when she did she realized all the damage she had truely done. She was now married and I think that helped her realize how important a marriage and family truely is. I belive she was truely sorry. I could feel the pain in her words, yes, she was pained knowing the amount of pain and damage she caused me. She asked if I would ask H to sign his rights away as her new H wanted to adopt oc. He did.

At this time ow recognized her guilt in the whole situation and was ashamed. She is remoreseful and really is a different person. H and I are divoreced and have been for a few yrs (wow, it just doesnt seem that long ago). Ow and I have met and I have now met oc and all their family. I finally have closure on all of it.

Some of them do turn around. And some ow never change.

Anyway, I just saw your post and your emotional anguish and I know where you are. Just keep your chin up and look towards Heaven.

God Bless...

bw

Can someone direct me to the original post that discusses ow, oc and the Bible??? I am new here...

To Gi

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> think God wants our family to stay together and that he will take care of OC and OW. The breakdown of a normal family unit for OW/OC is a consequence of the choice OW made to enter into a relationship willingly with a man who had a W and children with her. God's word lets us know that out of evil good does not come. This situation came of evil and now we all suffer the trickle down destruction of the A, even the innocent "Betrayed Children" and OC. Really, we are all still suffering the trickle down of Adam and Eve's choice to give in to temptation.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I agree with you,I've read the passage in the bible also. God knew just what to do in situaton like this. I believe you reap the seeds you sow.
Happiness isn't contingent on someone pain.

I didn't see that discussion, but other discussions have referred to Abram, Hagar, and Ishmael. Hagar was actually Sarah's (mistreated) servant, not an OW, but the point being that Ishmael was not of the marriage of Sarah and Abraham, and when Sarah asked Abraham to send away Hagar and Ishmael (after Isaac's birth to the marriage), God told Abraham to do what Sarah said.

Some read this account (it's in Genesis twice) to mean that marriage and children-of-the-marriage come first with God, while others argue that Ishmael "oc" was probably 13 before he was sent away, so he got formative years with his dad, and he is mentioned again at Abraham's funeral.

Read it as you like.
J