I found this over on GQ yesterday. I thought it was so worthwhile, wanted to copy it over here.

I sent it to my H yesterday, saying, "I know we've been pretty much doing this the past year, but we could probably do an even better job, let me know what you think!" An hour later he called, just to say, "I love you". I said, "Oh my goodness, you read it!!" I was shocked and touched that he took the time to read it. He's so busy, he prefers it if I can fit my entire message to him in the subject line!! This morning, he brought me coffee in bed while I was nursing the baby. When he went back downstairs, I got up and quickly started putting away all the unfolded laundry heaped in a basket I had left sitting out from the day before, (which is a major LB for him, but he hadn't commented on it). He was smiling from ear to ear when he came back upstairs and saw the clothes put away.

The part about being responsible for your own feelings rang so true for me. I cannot believe it was a little over a year ago when I was wondering how the heck I was supposed to just fall back in love with my H. I did the "fake it till you make it", and followed much of what this guy says. I believe it falls right in line w/ MB principles. The irony and beauty of it all, is not only is my H getting more out of our M than ever before, but so am I...far more than when I had the attitude as if to say, "it's all about me"!


Anyway, here it is, originally posted by Stung by a Bee: </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I heard this letter on air and found it on Dr. Laura's website. What do you all think of this?


Dear Dr. Laura,

After listening to your caller today who wanted to know what to do because he didn’t “feel” love for his wife anymore, but felt like he would towards a sister, I felt compelled to comment.

Two years ago I was in a similar situation. I merely tolerated being married because I didn’t want my three children (at the time ages 16, 10, and 3) to come from a broken home. I finally came to the realization one day that I was responsible for my feelings, and I did something about it.

I resolved right then and there that nobody – friends, family, coworkers (not even you, Dr. Laura) – would hear me say anything negative or critical about my wife. Every word anybody heard from me would be only positive when it concerned her. If I had anything of that nature to say, I could lovingly discuss it with her or shut up about it and that was that. I also decided that, no matter how I FELT, I would always treat her as though she was the single most beautiful thing God had ever created, and that any act of love I could do for her, I would do. I wake up in the morning and bring her a fresh, hot cup of coffee in bed. Then I warm up the shower and make sure to wash her back for her (I didn’t have to pretend I enjoyed that). I cheerfully cook dinner when she has had a difficult day, give our daughter her bath and insist that she take a nap on Sunday afternoon after church.

Although I sometimes find the topic as exciting as a cold mashed potato sandwich, I pay attention to what she says and comment on it because that is more important than what is happening on Law and Order on television. I even do grocery shopping, alone or with her if she likes. I even go clothes shopping with her (usually every man’s nightmare) and give her genuine input and show honest interest. The idea is to spend time with her, regardless of what we are doing. I looked for genuine ways to compliment her (I’m really impressed with your knowledge of special needs children). I pamper, take care of, and generally spoil my sweetheart as much and as often as I can.

Since you have a background in psychology, you can guess what happened. If you change your behavior, your mind follows suit. I didn’t have to spend much time telling her how incredible she was before I began to believe everything I told her. Tonya became more beautiful by the day, and is far more intelligent than I ever gave her credit for before my “awakening.”

It has been over two years, and our life together is far and away better than anything I could have imagined. Tonya is my best friend, wife, sweetheart and companion all wrapped up into one fabulously beautiful package, and we grow closer by the day. I don’t always “feel” love, but I always make it a point to “do” loving things so that she can “feel” loved. We will be married 23 years on the 22nd of this month, and people we meet think we are newlyweds because we are so affectionate with each other.

If I could talk to your caller, I would tell him to stop expecting his marriage to fix itself. Love isn’t a feeling, it is an action word. Love is what you promised to do when you stood before the preacher with the second most beautiful woman in the world (my Tonya is the first). So stop whining and start loving your wife. The rewards are far beyond what you can imagine. I am living proof of that.

John L.


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<small>[ March 26, 2004, 05:53 PM: Message edited by: autumnday ]</small>

I agree in this "concept" wholeheartedly.

I really think it works.

If only, if only, if only I had known way back when, then I wouldn't have to be here on this board. (sigh)

But today is today and today we (H & I) are 2 different people and we are more like the type in the letter. Not everyday but overall.

Thanks for the reminder ad. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

That made me cry. If only more H would feel that way. I'm going to send that to my H. Hopefully he will read it, but I dought anything will happen out of it. He never compliments me. But it dont hurt to try. Thanks for posting it.

(sniff) I can't decide wich is more touching...John's letter or your metamorphosis.

I vote on the latter. Thanks for sharing YOUR inspiring and heart-warming story of self discovery.

Love

Cat =^^=

PS You're a peach

<small>[ April 15, 2004, 01:11 AM: Message edited by: catnip ]</small>