K,

My fiance separated from his ex-wife during her pregnancy. There was apparantly some question at the time about paternity, but the baby is the spitting image of J, so there is no doubt to it anymore. Because of the messy property issues in their divorce, it actually was not finalized until this past December (attorney divorces are absolutely the worst and drag on FOREVER) but we have been dating for longer than that. His ex is a good mother, and she and I get along much better than she and J do, so I usually end up doing much of the custody negotiations involving his girls. Fortunately, because of the oc situation, I am an old hand at all that!

Thanks for your concerns about rushing. I, too, was initially apprehensive about committing to a new marriage but everything is working so very well for us and I am very comfortable with the level of communication in our relationship. It hasn't always been easy, particularly considering the way in which my failed marriage left me not knowing how to function in a "normal" relationship. But I get wonderful advice from Catnip when I am flaking out, and I am very happy about starting over.

FTB, of course I remember you! How is it going now for you?

To everybody - I appreciate your responses, and I hope to post more. I miss talking to everyone.

-cd

bumping so that member on the private board can see!
-cd

CD.,
Only your news could bring me back to non private board, but I cannot be more delighted and happy for you. I never realized till now that the lawyer you worked for was the lawyer you were dating. this is poetic justice. It sounds like a wonderful love affair gone right and with all your children, it will be a household of children but lots of love. Be happy and I just know this marriage will be a keeper!

JUly 28th sounds like a wonderful day to be married.Are you going on a honeymoon? So nice to hear that you both communicate so well and the kids are all accepting of the arrangment, especially considering his children are so young. You must be getting a big house to fit all these kids-- have you come far in the last few years!

I totally feel very similar to you in regards not being able to get over a long term affair. the fact my husband lied to me over 3 years during affair, and two years post affair discovery while we tried to see if we could stay together destroyed the marriage more than the sex did. I too believe my husband is so ashamed of his behavior, although he still is involved with OW in some capacity, that he cannot look at me daily and see the lack of respect, love, and total distrust that I am sure was in my face on a daily basis. He knew I trusted him completely for years, and his lust and stupidity threw that away.

My dating life is getting more interested, and I just turned one of those big O birthdays. Now, I do not look my age, and in fact, people all this week believed I was easy 13 years younger than my actual age. I am considered the hip Mother in my daughter's circle, and the men I am meeting cannot believe I am really my age. So, that is helping attract some nice men.

But, just to fill you guys in-- I had this big birthday on Tuesday. The guy I am dating, let's call him Mr. wonderful, planned an incredible day. He is semi=retired to be a full time father to his 6 year old son and owns his own company. Anyway, because of that, he has free time in day. WE met at 1 pm, at a hotel I had found and restaurant right on the Pacific ocean. you could hear the waves pounding against the windows in the restaurant and hotel room. We had lunch, he made reservations at the hotel, an ocean front room with the waves lapping outside our window. He brought roses, champagne, and chocolate. He then took me out to a funny musical show about relationships in the city, we had dinner at a beautiful French restaurant before the theater, came back to the hotel, had champagne, watched the ocean, danced to music, and well, leave the rest to your imagination.

Now, he and I have connected in an incredible way right from the start. WE are both ending long term marriages, and he fears what I or he may feel toward the other could just be a rebound relationship. so, a month ago, we stopped the intensity of our relationship, agreed to date others while still seeing each other, but perhaps with less intensity and intimacy. He has gone out on some casual dates, as I have. I believe we need to check out others to see if what we have is not just a rebound.

But when a guy like him does this for your special birthday, and tells you at the end of the day it was a perfect day and date, and has said that in the last two times we got together, well, I know he cares for me.

I hope I have the same happy ending with him as you are having with your Mr. Right, CD. Have a wonderful wedding, and I will be there with you on July 28th in spirit. Wonderful news.

Unhappy wife, now cayenne 54