hEllo,
I just wanted to say I have been following your story. Just really no time post. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

You asked how old the baby has to be before DNA is done. It can been done anytime after the birth. So people do it right at the hospital. They swap the inside of the cheek of the mother, child and alledged father.


Dawn

Sunny

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">BBG so glad you had a calm weekend. MIL is a case! Just remember your son may one day get you a DIL, so you know how NOT to act. </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

This is my second M, my 1st MIL is as sweet as sugar, & even though my 1st H re-married 11 yrs. ago, she still tells me I will always be her DIL. I know one day I will have a DIL & I always tell everyone I pray I like her & one day will love her, but I know I will NEVER treat her like mine does me. I would never want to put my son in a position where he felt like he had to chose. It will be time to let go.

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">So you will revise the contract and go over it thursday? I hope he will sit down w/ you and do it. Question. If H is seeing the D at daycare, maybe he thinks that is enough. Or does he go to OW home to see her too? Maybe he feels if he sees her at school then he doesn't need C at the home to upset you. Don't know. </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

That is the plan, if he backs out again I have to let it go & him too. I am not sure if H sees her other than daycare or not. He knows seeing her would not upset me, I ask him all the time about, this is what we talked about while we were separated, having her for the weekends, of course OW agreeded w/ that unitl H left her to come home to me.

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">How did you act when she came around at first? How did you feel. Did it just come rushing all back to you? Its ok if you dont want to answer. I was just courious. I'm tring to picture what I will do and feel, but I guess I wont know til then. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The very first time I saw her other than at the hospital, was in my home on Thanksgiving, she was about 7 weeks old, I felt nothing but love for her, & sadness for me, H fell asleep while I was holding her & I cried because she should have been my D, but H couldn't wait to see what the Lord had planned for us once I had my tubes untied. The last time I saw her this past Feb. I put her to sleep & while I held her I prayed for her, like it was the last time I would ever see her, since I knew then that it was a real possibility. Sure some days it all comes flooding back like it was yesterday, the pain, the anger, the frustration over the visitation issue being unresolved still, & I think why am I wasting my life in this??? But I have never felt anything but love for that baby.

Genia thanks for the hug & your support.

Hi,
I feel your pain. I thought of haveing my tubes untied for my husband too. I was just waiting for the right time. Not sure that I wanted to, but was thinking of it because he wanted a baby by me so bad. So thoughts of other woman's baby are bitter-sweet. Just sad that I could not be the one to give him that baby.

Genia,

I had my tubes tied after M, since H & I decided we didn't want any kids. I was preparing to have the surgery when this all came out.

I guess it wasn't God's plan though.

BBYG~

You are such a strong woman--I look up to you so much. ((((HUGS))). I haven't heard anything from KT, have you?? She is probably lurking. You are in my thoughts every night.

Thanks Albany,

I put on a good front. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

You are strong too, never forget that! Stronger than you know, this situation hasn't taken you out, you are still standing, still fighting like all of us here.

I am sure there are more women out there who throw in the towel upon DDay and never look back!!

BBYG,

YOU ARE A STRONG WOMAN - PRAY FOR GUIDANCE AND IT WILL COME TO YOU. I THINK I REMEMBER YOU TEELING ME THAT ONCE. I DON'T KNOW IF I COULD BE IN YOUR SHOES BUT YOU HAVE TO SEARCH YOUR SOUL AND GOD WILL LEAD YOU. YOU CAN NOT CHANGE H MIND OR HEART YOU CAN ONLY FOCUS ON YOUR OWN. PRAY FOR PEACE WITHIN YOURSELF ANF GOD WILL DO THE REST.

THE DEVOTIONAL THAT YOU POSTED WAS WONDERFUL AND VERY INSPIRING. KNOW THAT WE LOVE YOU AND ENCOURAGE YOU ALWAYS. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

JT

JT,

Thanks so much, I am starting to feel at this point all I can do is try in my own feeble way to encourage others.

My M is going down the tubes fast, H & I got into it last nite over $. He told me he would look for another job "when he got time" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

He only works part time that I know of, he has so much s&%t w/ him it is unbelieveable. I got some AD's from my dr. yesterday, have not taken any since this whole mess started but I am starting to feel like I am coming apart at the seams. On top of all H's other BS I should have to deal w/ this financial stuff cuz he doesn't want to miss seeing his precious D at day care everyday?

I told him last nite that he is a "real man" & should be very proud of himself. Once again we are not talking, this once again lets him off the hook, we are supposed to go over the contract tomorrow. I knew he would come up w/ some excuse, it is fine though. My prayer last nite was for God to take me out of this mess, that is what I truly want now.

Looking for my way of escape.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

BBG Just remember you have to take that step. God will see you through what your heart tells you to do. I think he likes you supporting him. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> Did you say the OW kicked him out or did he come home on his own? We've seen he doesn't want to leave, but he's not acting like he wants to work on the M either? These people are so hard to figure out. (WS) You either want to be there or not. Thats simple! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> If your there then get happy and show some effort. If not leave so everyone else can be happy! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Most people will make the other persons life unhappy w/ their actions and you should be able to tell if he is going to make an effort. I'm sorry your on such a roller coaster. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> I know you want off so bad!. Keep praying and your on the top of my list! I will pray that he gives you the strenght to do what you need to do.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny

Hi BabyGirl,

I am so sorry. It is like everything is too much to deal with. These WS keep walking on us. I am angry with my man now because he is not showing me affection. He goes to NA meetings and they hug each other. I guess he does not think about how he is the only one I got to meet my needs. He sees that as my problem. He rubs it in as my insecurity and failure that I don't have friends outside the marriage. I left him a short note expressing my anger and my needs. I wonder how he will respond to it? I am gonna call him and see how he took it. But if he responds indifferently, I will probably cry.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Did you say the OW kicked him out or did he come home on his own? We've seen he doesn't want to leave, but he's not acting like he wants to work on the M either? </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

I believe it was a combination of both, he had planned to come home in May & she called & told me he would be home on April 13. Most times I think he is home cuz he has no where else to go, working on the M or assuring, supporting or just loving me seems to be so hard for him.

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">These people are so hard to figure out. (WS) You either want to be there or not. Thats simple! If your there then get happy and show some effort. If not leave so everyone else can be happy! Most people will make the other persons life unhappy w/ their actions and you should be able to tell if he is going to make an effort. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I have said this to him so many times, this is very simple - you either want it or you don't. I told him if he doesn't want it - me & the M then I can accept that, I am a big girl & I will get over it, he accuses me of running & not wanting to work at our M when I ask him to leave. Go figure that one??? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> He is crazy & pretty soon I will be too if I dont' get rid of him.

I am borrowing $ from my parents, which I really didn't want to do, to get my house painted, I may use some of it to have my locks changed & put his stuff out on the curb, why am I even hesitating at his point? What else am I waiting for him to do or say? I venting, I know I am the only one who can answer those ?'s I just don't see anything changin at this point & I don't even think I will do Plan B, I just want him out of my life, & the great part is we have no kids, no financial ties so I never have to see him again, unless I totally lose what is left of my sanity & want to. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

BBYG,

Make sure that this is really what you want to do. Because if you so it there is no turning back. H will not want to come back and if he does he'll know that he can jerk your chain and do what he wants to do. The good thing about this is that you guys do not have any kids together so affecting their lives is not an issue.

I know that it will be hard, but how long do you plan to go on like this. Does God not want you to be happy? If nothing is really changiong and you are giving it your all - then you have answered your own ?. It is not good for you to stay with someone who in turn is not contributing or even trying as hard to keep the love alive.

Be sure to answer these questions for yourself and maybe then you'll have your answer. If not keep praying! Isn't that what you tell me. I don't think I could invest two years of my life to living in misery. I am setting a goal for a year of this agonizing pain, and then I must move on.

JT

JT,

Everything you say is true, & since the majority of you ladies have children w/ your H, it makes the decison much more difficult as to know when to call it quits.

I think I have hung in here this long cuz:

#1 H said he didn't want to lose me or give up on our M, still loved me, didn't want OW, would never M her - blah, blah, blah

#2 I still love him, even now, & this is 2nd M for me & I didn't want to feel like a 2 time loser, really thought God sent this man to me for life, so I vowed to stick it out & fight to the bitter end for my M.

#3 Because of my faith I thought that H & I could work thru our problems & that we could have an even better M including his daughter in our lives. I thought this was what God wanted me to do, I now think I was wrong.

I am slowly coming to terms that this is not meant to be, God has another plan for me. Maybe I invested the last 2 yrs. in trying to work this out so God could work thru me, building my character & showing off his strength in me when I thought I had none left or others thought I'd be in jail or the looney bin by now.

If this ends now, so be it, I can walk away w/ my head held high, my dignity & sanity intact & most of all w/ no regrets & what ifs???? And what is most appealing of all right now is the PEACE I will have. No more wondering where he is, if he is w/ OW, is he ever going to bring the baby over on a regular visitation schedule, what they have planned for D's b'day & Christmas, all that garbage.

I am praying & God will answer - in HIS own time though.

BBYG,

Just keep the faith and follow your heart and everything will be alright. I knwo you have invested a lot into this M and you need to know that if it is not meant to be - you are not a loser. The men in your life are the losers, they losta very loving and giving woman who tried her best to stand by them no matter what. They were to stupid to realize just what they had.

you'll know when you should let it go. keep the faithand let God lead you.


JT

(boy I'm on the positive role today it feels good)

BBYG~

You will know when it is right. Plan B it and if it doesn't change anything then just keep moving ahead with your life. You have done more than I could have I think since the two of you have no children of your own. you are an outstanding individual.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">(boy I'm on the positive role today it feels good)</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes you are, & I am loving it!!!!

I know I am not a loser, that is what flashes thru my mind when I think of impending divorce #2.
Negative thoughts from the enemy.

Whatever the future holds for me, God will be w/ me, love from a man is nice although it often comes w/ strings & conditions & maybe even a time limit but my Fathers love for me is eternal, & I am so glad about it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Thanks so much Albany,

Don't make me cry.

Hi Babygirl,

I am supporting you either way. You ultimately will do what is best for you. I too think of that. I do not want to be one of those people who have five marriages. It seems I always chose the wrong men. If I do not make it this time I have got to take my time. I think I will make canidates fill out EN questionaire before I date them. How does that sound?

Genia,

Sounds like a plan to me, how about a pre-A clause before M, if H has an A the BW gets EVERYTHING automatically & H has to pay for the divorce. If OC is produced from A H must have vasectomy (sp) also! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Hey,

That sounds good!! I should have thought of that eventhough I asked my H to have one when we had our last child, but of course nothing came of it. Except an A and a baby with someone else!!

Let's stay positive I want him to experience life without me in it and a strain from not being with the children and see how he likes it!!

I was thinkning about not going home a couple of nights and still not telling him where we are and see how he likes it. I wonder if he thinks that this is all a game.

JT