So.... the hearing officer tried to pull some BULLSH*T on my H today!!!!

However, H heeded my warnings and followed some of the tips that I received HERE!!!! woo hoo for the legal insight!!! We had no attorney- could not afford one- and make too much for free aide. I know 1000000 laywers personally, but OKAY who wants to call in a favor on THIS CASE? ha ha!!!!!

They TRIED to make him pay EXACTLY ONE HALF of his income!! And figured into the OUTRAGEOUS amount was $300.00 as "half" of daycare expense-- AND SHE ONLY PAYS 20.00 a month on a program for low income families!! They said "well she will not be on that forever, you know, the state doesnt want to pay that forever... and H said WELL UNTIL THEN-- nice try!!!

He and she both make the same amount of $$ now, since H is on workers compensation.. how DARE they try to take all of it!!!

Just goes to show, once again, that the OW in these situations SO MANY TIMES are handed over money that DID NOT EARN NOR DO THEY DESERVE- money that WELL EXCEEDS the needs of the child's monthly expenses. I cannot IMAGINE the luxory of having my bills paid for having a baby-- and some of these OW ARE MARRIED, SITTING HOME AND HAVING THEIR HUSBANDS support them too!!!! Or receiving HUGE LUMP SUMS!! What a life!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

H demanded to go before the judge- and the judge finally agreed to cut it down to a normal monthly amount. But H sure did have to fight like heck to be heard today. They tried to bulldoze him.

So YIPEE for not having to paying HER freaking rent and utilites. I'd say that anything over the cost of diapers, formula and 1/2 child care/medical IS COMPLETE AND UTTER ROBBERY!!!!!!!!!

Thanks again, all, for your great tips- they REALLY helped to load H with the knowledge of what crap the court may try to pull on him. They WILL let you get smeared thru the mud- IF YOU LET THEM.

good to hear it!

I'm glad he was assertive enough to speak up for himself! That's how it is when you represent yourself!

Representing yourself is NOT for the faint @ heart. LOL

nice I am glad he is not the kind that is afraid to speak up for himself

so do you have examples for us to learn from?

like the OW said this and your hubby countered with that......

Cordelia,

for example- OW was shouting rudely in court to J that "HE DOESNT SEE HIS KID" and J said "not interested in this, y'all. I am here to discuss a financial equation and nothing more" She also said " I WANT EVERYTHING I CAN GET FROM HIM".. she would not take what he offered till he was off of workers comp, which is drastically lower than his income. She wound up getting basically what he offered anyway,in the end.

Just dont easily go for the "pay all medical" and the "pay all insurance" crap..they WILL try. It should be 1/2 of each. And then just enough $$ to pay for food, diapars and clothing, PERIOD. No exubrant amounts of money are spent monthly on MY CHILDREN!They get bare minimums and some treats and food, clothing and school supplies. We cant afford much more-and OW doesnt deserve to have her bills paid by US.

Keep all of that in mind- our Hs DO have the right, even without an attorey to present his side respectfully with regard to the amount.

I am in a good mood today. I am excited, hopeful, giddy almost today. Today marks the first day of our moving on completely -- no more anticipation or court dates to stress over. I feel so good today and H is loving me for being fun company on what could have been a gloomy day!! Praise God I feel peace!!!

Hey KT- big HUG I MISS YOU!!Can you email me w/instructions? I'm LOST on that one!! LOL!!

Congratulations! One more taking their power back. You should be proud of your H..and YOU..you have already come a long way!

BOO HOO the poor little OW is going to have get off her butt and work for a living!

wiz

<small>[ October 21, 2004, 07:02 AM: Message edited by: wizard ]</small>

Okay something struck my nerve...and I know it is mainly what I am going through right now. BUT I am one of those MOW that is sitting at home while my husband supports us...and I get some CS from XMM. Well, this has taken away a lot from my family. I used to work...so there went my income. On top of that we have two more mouths to feed, clothes, diaper. But CS isn't only that...it is also for a percentage of what is cost to house them. Which I understand well now too. I had to move 2 girls downstairs, now we have to heat it...where as before we didn't. We really have to budget now-way more than before. We have had to cut back, my kids have had to cut back from what they were used to. Oh I try not to get my sons hair cut until he is really shaggy..and yes, I have tried a few times to cut it myself. My older girls grew out their bangs...so now they are lucky when they get a hair cut once a year. Oh before when I worked I could get foils, and hair cuts...and eye brows waxed. Now I am lucky if I get my haircut twice a year!
I am not sure where you read about married OW just sitting at home while their hubby works...because of the MOW I know they don't get support from the MM. I only know of one other one and she used to write on this board.

My court case ended today as well...I think. No way to know for sure since I wasn't there. Tori is right is cost way more than just diapers and formula to raise a child.

I had to go back to work when my D was 5 weeks old in order to survive. He quit his job and sent his wife out to work to avoid CS. She had been a SAHM until then...is that fair to her or me? Because he did this I get very little support and no I don't sit on my butt waiting for him to support me. I work damn hard. Had to change careers because I am alone taking care of the baby and needed less hours than my previous career would allow. I can't make the kind of income I used to. Wish I could so I didn't need anything from him.

I don't know any single mothers who benefit from CS...they all are hard up. I believe the stats back that up.

Congrads that your case is over and you can move on...I know in my case it is a blessing that I don't have to worry about it anymore. I am sure it is the same for you and your H. Well have to run...trying to get a better paying job and have an interview shortly.

It does go both ways.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Okay something struck my nerve.........

We really have to budget now-way more than before. We have had to cut back, my kids have had to cut back from what they were used to. Oh I try not to get my sons hair cut until he is really shaggy..and yes, I have tried a few times to cut it myself. My older girls grew out their bangs...so now they are lucky when they get a hair cut once a year. Oh before when I worked I could get foils, and hair cuts...and eye brows waxed. Now I am lucky if I get my haircut twice a year!
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Talk about STRIKING A NERVE!! EEEERRRRR!!!!

FT&NS- you know what- the things you mention here are JUST what I do too. I cut back on EVERYTHING.... I am the SAVE A BUCK QUEEN.. And GUESS WHAT!! I work 50 hours a week at a good paying job, have a side business.... AND STILL am broke financially and physiclly at the end of the day. And guess what!! I didnt get that BREAK from my H .. BREAK from reality and hot sex and romantic little fantasy that an A brings.. you DID! MY H DID!!!! Do you have ANY IDEA how much I'D LIKE TO BE AT HOME AS YOU ARE having myself and my kids being supported financially by TWO MEN?????????? HEY I'd STILL BE BROKE AND CUTTING BACK ON everthing-- NO DIFFERENT!! O h I'd love it!

Do you have ANY idea what it is like for a BS to have to deal with all of this crap financially AND EMOTIONALLY-- while she is killing herself to keep things together-- AND HAVE TO DEAL WITH a large chunk of additional money taken each month - more taken away from HER CHILDREN's HAIR CUTS, CLOTHING, ETC ETC..

And the difference between you and me... I DID NOT CREATE THIS EXTRA financial and emotional stress! I just have to be the great almight BS who just "takes it" since AFTER ALL, WE AS THE BS ARE THE "IDIOTS" who WANTED this by staying w/her straying H !!!! We GETS NO LOVE OR SYMPATHY - just more CRAP ON OUR SHOULDERS TO CARRY- Oh and we BEST HAVE A SMILE ON OUR WIMPERING, SORRY BS FACES !!

So your nerve was struck- hearing the truth-- the truth of MANY MANY OW. YES, YOU TOO!! Why the HELL should your MM have to support a child that YOUR H IS ALREADY RAISING AND SUPPORTING?? MY CHILDREN DON'T GET THAT, DO THEY?? HELL NO. And then to whine about it HERE???????

Not only do you have CS and a H to enable you to stay home (even though things are tight and needed adjustments in your home)..YOU STILL are at home w/your kids- and being taken care of by two men. Nice. Very nice and this is the LAST place to say it is STRIKING A NERVE WITH YOU!!

FT&NS- hey this is nothing personal towards YOU-- but I am so sick of the OW taking over this board- the same ones who WILL NOT ALLOW such discussions AT THEIR PLACE- WE SAY BOO there and WE ARE TOLD TO WHINE SOMEWHERE ELSE- THEY DONT CARE ABOUT THE BS' woes!!!

I don't care about yours either. WE ARE THE VICTIMS- BS AND OC AND BC, PERIOD-- NOT YOU.

Twilight, you said:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I don't know any single mothers who benefit from CS...they all are hard up. I believe the stats back that up. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I STRONGLY disagree- How about the MM who make the $$$ and pay FAR FAR MORE than a child could possibly need in a month!!!!!! You are WRONG!! The stats show that many many women are getting paid for getting laid!!!!!!!!!!!

I KNOW what it costs to raise a child. I've been a mother for 14+ years. I was a "single" mother for 9 of those years. I received exactly 138.00 per month for the past 10 years, along w/medical coverage. I never asked for an increase, ever. Why? Because my son had what he needed. This amount paid for diapers, formula and incidentals. Daycare was provided by my ex's parents. If it had NOT been, he would have only been expected BY ME to pay 1/2 of that. How much "STUFF" does a child need at a young age, solely just for the child in one MONTH'S TIME? He and I were both young, didn't make much money - and HE had no responsibility MORE than I did? How much more would my ex's bills been per month w/my son living there? How much water, electricity and heat does a child require????? Not much!!! I'd be living on my own paying the SAME things with or without my son!

Then, once the child is OUT of the diapers and formula-- does that child, alone, eat 500--600 per month of food in his/her mouth?? Do you buy that child 200.00 worth of clothes EVERY MONTH?

I realize that 138.00 NOW would not cut it for diapers, formula, etc-- BUT WHO IS RECEIVING THAT LITTLE BIT-- EVERYONE GETS WAY MORE!!! Even though I still receive the same 138.00 per month now- I dont go back to court cause it still is enough to hand my son for lunch and for extras.

You cannot convince me otherwise!! Been there, done that!!! Still am!!!!

You know you don't know a thing about ME or my life. I was just trying to state that just because I am home doesn't mean that we are in a better place...and all my bills are being taken care of and I don't have any worries.
I don't work because daycare for two infants is expensive. If I went to court XMM would have to pay at least 1/2 of that...oh and no he would rather stick with our agreement than to have to put out money for daycare on top of it.
I belong here as much as you do. I have OC...and am MARRIED and REALLY working on making my marriage BETTER! BUT thanks for the welcome!
I fully realize I had a hand in the situation...I FULLY am taking the responsibilities that go along with it. But you can cast all the stones you want at me.

No, I'm not casting stones--NO THIS IS not about YOU Tory... I'm VENTING towards a complete stranger, a "poster" on a board that,at this MOMENT, represents THE OPPOSITION- to a TOPIC I started about "HER".

I'm horrid, though, I KNOW <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />
I'm used to NOT being allowed to be anything but ACCEPTING of EVERYTHING. To just DEAL with it with GRACE and POISE!!!

See Tory, and all the OTHER OW here -- YOU have the benefit of coming HERE and GOING TO OTHER SITES.. Many of us have MUCH INTEREST in reading AND responding on BOTH sites-- HOWEVER I AM NOT ALLOWED... and it P*SSES ME OFF TO NO END that you and others are seemingly the bulk of posters here and

OH- THERE IT IS AGAIN -- YOU HAVE TWO SUPPORT and VENTING SYSTEMS!!!

I am a nice person, I am an accepting person, but I am SICK of being EXPECTED to be accepting and understanding- the BIGGER person- it DOES NOT always feel so good Tory.

So you struck a nerve back w/me- its a collection of nerves, being struck by a collection of OW who as usual, get the best of both worlds-- and CARE NOT and ACCEPT NOT the "WOES" of the "stupid W/BS"

Other than that- hey- I have nothing but love for you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

You know I wasn't trying to strick a nerve with you. My point was that just because I am a MOW doesn't mean that my life is NOW easier because I have an XMM that gives a little and a H that works his butt off for us.
To be truthful in some cases I don't agree with the CS formulation. BUT I can only do what I can regarding my own situation. But I also know of quite a few men who have done underhanded things (not your H) to pay diddly for kids they have had in a marriage.
I am glad you are okay with how your CS case came out. Now try to move forward with your life.
Mine isn't settled yet...so I am still stuck in the emotions of it. It sucks on either side of the fence you are on!

BTW...I might have two places to vent. BUT I am fully accepted at either. Here I am considered an evil OW...on the "other board" I am married so I am not fully one of them either.
You do have the luxury of a private board here...and I know others have set up their own private board for just BS. So please check into being able to vent more places and get the support you need to make it through this.

G123,

I am glad that court went well for you. I hope that this is the beginning of the end for you. The pain of always having to relive the situation is a pain in the A$$.

Wishing you the best on everything and hoping that your life will go on in marital bliss and continue to be blessed.

take care of you and happy thoughts of you today!!!


JT <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Tory, I AM making it thru this-- but it still hurts along the way, and to some, even small degree always will for all of us. Being in a state of peace, or in a state of "happiness", as we know, does not feel that way all the time.

Your frustration... its real... its tough.
Every person has a load to carry and may or may not have the strength that others think they should have... I just wish some would see how much is piled on top of we, the BS, and expected of us- that was not or is still not given in return.

It IS a smack in the face to BS to have to watch this money go from her home when her children are already doing without many things the BS would like for her kids- and NOT to have to SHARE W/OC. Not because she hates the child- BUT cause it is JUST SO SUCKY for me, your H, etc...... and we have to swallow that pill every day. YES our SPOUSE who we loved is 50% to blame- and that makes the pill even BIGGER.

I would chew off my right arm to stay home w/my kids because I've never been able to do that and probably missed my chance forever.... and NOW even less likely since MY H AND OW GAVE ME EVEN LESS TO GIVE MY OWN KIDS....

so its sort of like the ***** newsflash***** that the OW delivers ....

How can we sympathize much w/OW who got pregnant and has 2 men supporting her .. its not going to happen *here* or at least from me.

Hey J2!!! How are you?

Any updates?

Are H's imaginary knees still skinned from his imaginary crawl back home yet? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

I bet he didnt make it cause of that "imaginary" bat you struck him with in the driveway just before he reached you, J????????

ha ha! Holla at me J2!!

Hey G123, I just wanted to say I'm very happy for you and your H. OW does not deserve to have all her bills taken care of by you guys, just the normal requirements should do fine. If it's not enough, oh well. It usually helps to be a married couple dealing with the cost of a child (you know, one that your produced in wedlock). Not your fault she was too dumb to think of that.

Thank God he stood up for himself!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Gio123

I am so happy that things went in your favor in court for your H & u.

I agree that CS is sometimes considered way too high, yes I agree that H's should help pay financial support for the OC - but sometimes it is taken to the extreme & it is almost as if the H is expected to totally support OC, I am glad your H spoke up for hiself & didnt get railroaded.

Congrats!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Keeping u guys in prayer still, peace is a wonderful thing isn't it!!!!!!!!!

****** NEWSFLASH***** I have one person supporting me! MM doesn't even support half of the needs of the twins. BUT that was my choice so most days I am content in that. FYI we are doing our own agreement. He said how much he could pay and I accepted. He is paying 1/2 of what the state guidelines say he should. OH even though I am at home they figured into account what I should make if I went back to work...so it wasn't factored in that I made O. He has a lawyer and these were calculations by HIS lawyer that he should be paying at least double. Oh it would be like pulling teeth out if I were to ask him to pay 1/2 of uncovered medical. He doesn't even have to take medical out on the twins...my H covers them. SSSSOOOOOO no I don't have 2 men supporting ME.....but I am a OW so I must be a money hungry whore in your eyes. Because it is so easy to group us together and JUDGE us accordingly?

I am sorry you felt like you never had a choice to stay home with your kids. Early in my marriage I babysat other kids so I could stay at home with mine. I LOVED going back to work. I worked with a lot of great woman. We would socialize at breaks, we would go out to eat for lunch, oh I had built in therapist when I needed to vent. I had people that made me laugh. I loved my patients I worked with. I had a great job. It paid well. I could work part time...and when Christmas and vacations were coming up I could pick up hours for extra money. I had LOTS of paid vacation days. OH but since I made sacrifices to stay at home and my H worked awful hours so we could do it....might as well whip me because YOU couldn't do it?
Oh I have been on your side too. I had money going out of my household for another child. We couldn't afford much for our kids at Christmas one year...but we made sure we sent a REAL nice gift to H son.
well, I better go. The nanny wants me to spend quality time with the children before nap in 10 min. and then I will yell for the butler to bring me my bon bons. Keep your rose colored glasses on....see things the way that makes you feel better. Judge others...because you have walked a hard road and deserve to look and judge others for their sins.

Newsflash for you, this thread is not all about you and your issues. We can support G123 all we like over here.